9 Small Talk Habits That Can Draw People To You

Beginning a discussion with someone out of the blue can feel like the most awkward part, so practice how you open up conversations with others. "This will make you look and come across more confident and encourage more people to talk to you," says communications expert Michael Blakely over email. "It also shows you are happy to start the conversation, putting people at ease and allowing you to lead."

Conversations about the weather or what someone is wearing can die out quickly. "The best ways to engage people are to share some information about yourself that other people can relate to, appreciate, or learn from," says Deena Baikowitz, co-founder of Fireball Network, a coaching and consulting firm, over email "For example, talking about where you grew up, your family, why you chose your career. Talk about the things you are most passionate about - your hobbies, volunteer work, job, family."

Avoid questions that can be answered with yes or no, and ask a person something that allows them to talk in-depth about their thoughts, dreams, and opinions. "By asking more of the 'how' and 'why' questions, you get people talking," says Korobov. "And the truth is that most people love talking about themselves even if they won't admit it. Open-ended questions create the space for people to feel safe doing so and provides a vehicle for them to feel heard."

Always use the name of the person you are referring to. "People love to be called by their own name," says success coach Jaime Pfeffer over email. "When you meet someone, try to associate something about them with a visual cue. For example, when I meet someone named Mary, I either attach an image of a lamb (Mary had a little lamb) or Mother Mary to them because it helps to remember their name (images are easier for the brain to recall than words). Then say their name out loud twice during the conversation, if possible. This will help cement it in your mind."

Be aware of personalities, as one conversation with one person, won't work for another. "Engage with their interests, or if you don't know them ask," says Blakely. "This will show you have a genuine interest and potentially a common ground. It will also show you are keen to learn about both the person and their subject of interest. This will make you look more intelligent and emotionally available."

Since small talk is usually with someone you don't know well, you can read their body language to decipher what they feel comfortable or passion about discussing. "Pay attention to their clothes, their body language when they talk, and how excited they become when they speak on a particular topic," says personal development coach Meiyoko Taylor over email. "Make observation of what seems to be important to them."

When you feel uncomfortable, it's tempting to plan your next topic of conversation rather than listen intently on what the other person is saying, but avoid jumping ahead to topics in your mind. "Don't try to figure out your next question before they've even answered," says Baikowitz. "It's a conversation, not a job interview!"

Have some topics ready relating to current events. "Read the news and stay up to date on pop culture," says Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW over email. "Bring up a current event, a good book you just read, or movie you just saw. Stay away from speaking about religion or politics."

"There is nothing worse than two people talking about Game of Thrones while a third person stands there having never seen the show," says confidence expert Karol Ward, LCSW over email. "Shift the conversation as soon as possible by asking a series of questions that include everyone."