11 Signs Your Relationship Won't Make It Past The 7-Year Itch

It's good to be in a relationship where you're completely comfortable with your partner. But if you're two or three years into your relationship and you find that you're both so familiar to the point that you've taken each other for granted, couples therapist, Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, that's not a good sign. "It can mean one or both partners have stopped caring," she tells Bustle.

In order to help turn it around, Powell suggests to keep doing thoughtful things for each other to show you care. A 2015 study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that showing gratitude is the secret to a happy marriage. Get into the habit of showing appreciation to your partner on a regular basis, whether it’s leaving a cute note for them in their work bag or surprising them with their favorite snack after a long day. That way, nobody feels like they're being taken for granted.

In the beginning of a relationship, dates nights and spending a lot of time together is seemingly effortless. But when you're in an established relationship, couple time can become less of a priority — which could hurt your chances of making it longer than seven years together.

"If you have kids, for instance, they become your entire world," Powell says. "When you give so much emotionally to your children and don’t have anything left for your partner," it may not be a good sign. But this isn't just limited to couples who have children.

You may be prioritizing work, hobbies, friends, or responsibilities to your family. In order to prevent this from hurting your relationship down the road, be sure to make time for your partner. Set date nights regularly in order to stay connected.

If you've gotten to the point where you don't know anything about your partner’s stresses and joys, and neither person checks in with the other, she says you might end up feeling like friends instead of partners. When you don't prioritize communication in your relationship, Powell says it can feel like you and your partner live separate lives.

As neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez, tells Bustle, “It is not a good sign if you imagine life without your significant other or start to focus only on their flaws and not what you fell in love within the first place. While sometimes it’s normal to experience some of these moments, it could signal a more significant issue in terms of your relationship if they become frequent.” Weekly or even biweekly nights out together can help bridge communication gaps between you and your partner throughout the week.

According to licensed psychotherapist Roxanne Francis, even something as simple as showing affection can determine whether a relationship makes it past the 7-year-itch or not.

“This may sound frivolous, but a quick smile, peck on the cheek, a welcome home from work, and ‘I miss you’ text, or support for a promotion, are all signs that the partner feels supported, loved, valued and is key to the other person’s happiness,” Francis tells Bustle. “If these simple things are missing, individuals may feel unwanted, and will eventually begin to get ‘itchy.’”

We all have the right to keep certain things to ourselves. While your partner might know a lot about you, they don't have to know everything, especially if you are not comfortable sharing it. In fact, licensed marriage and family therapist and author, Caroline Madden, Ph.D., previously told Bustle, “We are allowed as adults to have private thoughts and behaviors that we do not disclose to our partner." But there is a difference between having privacy and keeping secrets.

If you’ve started keeping things from your partner, it could mean that there’s a lack of trust in your relationship. And when there’s a lack of trust that hasn’t been addressed or resolved, “there will be underlying resentment that colors all the interaction and the union is unlikely to be a happy one,” Francis says.

Every couple fights — it's just part of growing as a couple. But if you're not learning anything from your previous arguments, this is a sign your relationship won’t make it past the 7-year itch. “Disagreeing is natural, but constant arguing is a sign that your relationship may be becoming toxic,” Hafeez says.

If constant fighting is an issue in your relationship, chances are, problems aren’t being solved because you and your partner are unwilling to listen to the other. If you’re trying but still having trouble communicating effectively, consider seeking help from a professional.

If you and your partner don't see eye-to-eye in terms of how you make or spend money, you may not make it in the long run. Having different spending and saving habits could indicate a bigger issue in the relationship in regards to your values, goals for the future, and your compatibility as a couple.

After seven years together, if your partner’s finances are still preventing you from buying a house, having a wedding, or starting a family, there’s a chance that things won’t really change. According to Francis, “You are unlikely to be happy in your relationship and will begin to look for a way out, or an alternative if your partner is unwilling to examine and change their behaviors.” So knowing where your partner's at early on is important in knowing whether a future can be possible.

You should have hobbies, interests, and friends outside of your relationship. But when you and your partner don't have at least one activity that you can enjoy together, this could spell trouble for the future of your relationship.

“Studies do show that on average, marital satisfaction and overall quality drop over the first several years people are together, as ‘real life’ — and in particular kids — enter the picture,” Debbie Opoku, licensed psychotherapist who specializes in marriage counseling, tells Bustle. “Your emotional tank is left empty and you have nothing left to give your partner.” Having at least one common interest or hobby ensures that you and your partner are spending quality time together. When this time to connect isn’t prioritized, you may find yourselves drifting further and further apart.

We all process life events and adapt to change differently. If you’re someone who tends to deal with setbacks by staying positive and moving forward, having a partner who gets easily defeated and likes to dwell on the past can feel exhausting.

As licensed therapist, Merissa Goolsarran, LCSW, tells Bustle, being stuck on old wounds can indicate one partner is unable to see past what happened and move forward. At some point, this may be an issue that causes frequent arguments in the relationship. Once fights become repetitive, it's a clear sign that compromises and change are not happening in a way that they should, Goolsarran says.

Relationships that didn’t start on a strong foundation are least likely to make it passed the seven-year-itch. Solid foundations include respect, kindness, patience, and trust. But if you started arguing right away, displayed toxic behaviors early on in the relationship, or had outside pressure from family or exes, your relationship may be been fatigued long before the 7-year mark.

According to Smolkin, this can be difficult to overcome. “Working through the fears and reconnecting when the doubt creeps in requires some gas in the tank, and ongoing pressures can be a factor that makes this more difficult,” he says.

One of the biggest signs that a relationship won’t make it past seven years is a lack of open and honest dialogue. “Getting through a shock to the relationship such as questioning whether you want to stay is like the Olympics for communication,” Smolkin says. Being able to tolerate and express negative emotions such as guilt, uncertainty, and fear help relationships get through tough times.”

As Smolkin says, shutting down or failing to express your feelings can indicate that you won’t be able to “navigate the rocky waters of the 7-year itch.”