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Michelle Wolf Compared Ivanka To Tampons & 8 Other Unexpected Jokes She Made About Women
On Saturday night, comedian Michelle Wolf hosted the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner. During her monologue, a tradition that offers a chance to skewer politicians and media figures alike, Wolf took particular care to roast all the women orbiting President Trump — mercilessly eviscerating them with punchlines about their work to support the administration. Wolf's jokes about women around Trump did attract some ire, particularly those about White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, but her scope of attack was much wider than public relations-related individuals.
Separately, Wolf joked about not only Sanders, but also Kellyanne Conway, Ivanka Trump and Ann Coulter, to name a few. And while much of her humor centered on individual people, Wolf noted right off that making fun was quite literally why she was there. "And just a reminder to everyone, I'm here to make jokes," she said at the beginning of her monologue. "I have no agenda. I'm not trying to get anything accomplished. So everyone that's here from Congress, you should feel right at home."
While some of her riffs were ultimately controversial, Wolf did scorch widely and relatively evenly. The Trump administration, Congress, and the media were all targets of her comedic observations. That being said, she made sure to pay attention to the women who surround the president. Here's a list of some she roasted, and how.
References To Alleged Affairs
"Here we are, the White House correspondents' dinner: Like a porn star says when she's about to have sex with a Trump, let's get this over with."
Kellyanne & Her Name's Meaning
"There's Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway. It's like if my name was Michelle Jokes Frizzy Hair Small Tits."
When She Compared Ivanka Trump To A Tampon Box
"There's also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she's about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She's done nothing to satisfy women. So, I guess, like father, like daughter."
When She Joked About A Tree Falling On Kellyanne
"You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don't give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It's like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I'm not suggesting she gets hurt — just stuck. Stuck under a tree."
Sarah Sanders As "Aunt Lydia"
"And, of course, we have Sarah Huckabee Sanders. We're graced with Sarah's presence tonight. I have to say I'm a little starstruck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in 'The Handmaid's Tale.'"
Press Secretary Or Softball Coach?
"Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited because I'm not really sure what we're going to get: you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies, or divided into softball teams. 'It's shirts and skins, and this time, don't be such a little b*tch, Jim Acosta.'"
Ivanka As A... Diaper Pail
"She does clean up nice, though. Ivanka cleans up nice. She's the Diaper Genie of the administration. On the outside, she looks sleek but the inside — it's still full of sh*t."
Ann Coulter & Sanders In One Fell Swoop
"And I'm never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You know, is it Sarah Sanders? Is Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what's Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know: Aunt Coulter."
The Press Secretary's Makeup
"I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful. Like, she burns facts, and then she uses the ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like, maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies. It's probably lies."
Wolf also went after women who have never had any type of relationship with Trump — professional, familial, or otherwise. In that way, she was an equal-opportunity prankster. However, the digs at his friends — both current and former — were certainly memorable, and will likely be quoted for quite some time. The full video is available online.
