9 Long-Distance Relationship Mistakes That Can Lead To A Breakup

Since long-distance relationships can lead to, well, distance, it helps to go in with a clear understanding of what your LDR will look like. In order to stay on the same page, “it's important to have open and honest conversations about what each partner wants and needs from the relationship,” Ficken says.

That means ensuring you agree on boundaries, communication, and expectations. If you part ways without having agreed on the basics — like how often you’d both like to text or even the status of the relationship — the resulting misunderstandings and frustrations can lead to a breakup.

Relationships that aren’t long-distance are a tad easier to navigate because you get to read body language, make eye contact, and get a sense of how your partner is feeling, and vice versa. Since that’s tougher to do in long-distance relationships, it sets the stage for assumptions, which in turn set the stage for a breakup.

That’s why, according to Hartman, it’s essential that you talk through misunderstandings ASAP before anyone has a chance to get the wrong idea. If you can do this on a video call, even better. Seeing each other while you chat lessens the chance of miscommunication — and it helps you feel closer.

“There are a lot of haters out there when it comes to long-distance relationships,” notes Samantha Newton, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and owner of The Therapist Suite PLLC. When you’re in one, chances are your friends and family will express doubts and worries.

According to Newton, they might suggest you date someone who lives closer or express worry that your partner will cheat. And before you know it, you’ll start to feel like they’ve got a point. While it doesn’t hurt to hear them out, these concerns are often more about them than you.

“Be cautious about who you open up to about your relationships and do not allow their personal relationship preferences to place doubt in your mind about your own,” Newton says. If your relationship is happy and strong, that’s all that matters.

Not knowing when you're going to see each other again can be really challenging, says Erin Dierickx, LMFTA, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Erin D Therapy. It can heighten feelings of loneliness, distrust, and doubt — and it’s also just kind of a bummer.

“If at all possible, schedule when you'll see each other next,” Dierickx tells Bustle. “Even if it's months out, having a set date provides hope for the relationship and lessens the discouragement and fear around what may happen in the coming months due to not knowing when you'll see each other next.”

Scheduling date nights is just as important in an LDR as it is in person, so don’t let too many Friday nights go by without doing something fun. Think HBO watch parties, FaceTime dinner dates, or a long walk while you chat about your week.

"We become closer to others through spending time with them and a great way to do this is through some kind of activity," Dr. Alisha Powell, Ph.D., LCSW, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. "Long distance makes it more challenging, but watching movies, having dinner together, or video chatting while doing the same activity can increase emotional intimacy.”

Red flags are a little easier to miss in long-distance relationships. When you’re in person, you can kind of tell when someone’s pulling away or when you need more communication. But it’s a lot tougher to detect when you’re already miles apart.

They’re also easy to brush off as a side effect of distance, so don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s OK that you don’t text or talk about the future or hang out. “It’s important to pay attention to warning signs that the relationship is not going well, such as a lack of communication, too much distance, or a decrease in quality time,” Hartman says.

If the relationship is worthwhile, you’ll both be willing to find ways to get back on track.

When was the last time you had phone sex? If it’s been a minute, it might be time to send a frisky text or two. According to Adina Mahalli, MSW, a certified relationship expert and mental health consultant, this is a fun way to feel closer than you actually are. "Intimacy will be heavily lacking without being in close proximity to one another, so setting time aside to have a ‘date night’ is vital for the relationship," she tells Bustle. Even though you can't physically touch, you can form a strong virtual connection.

If this is something that feels awkward for you and your partner, maybe try starting out via text message, and then working up to more intimate methods like phone and video.

Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a problem. For example, if you're both working hard to create a healthy relationship, it can get to the point where most of your time is spent thinking about each other. While that’s adorable, you need to take care of yourselves, as well as your partnership, in order for it to last.

As Powell says, “It’s important for both partners to have their own lives so that they won’t end up resenting each other." It’s totally OK to put your phone down, take a breather, see friends, or spend some time alone.

"Staying open and communicating regularly is very important in a long-distance relationship," Mahalli says. But in addition to the frequency that you connect, the actual things you talk about are important, too. In other words, not everything has to be big and heavy or related to your relationship. In fact, it shouldn’t be.

"Speaking about trivial things that happened during the day is equally important for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship," she says. Think about it: if you lived with your partner or saw them often, you’d probably share work stories and dumb jokes, and you’d talk about the weather or a dog you saw. These everyday comments are what make a relationship fun — and they build a lasting connection.