"This rule both encourages you to be insecure about your partner’s commitment to you and also teaches you to use sex as a tool to hang onto you relationship," says Milrad. "It also applies pressure to have sex when you aren’t in the mood or didn’t want to, because if you don’t, you could lose their relationship." Luckily, research shows that people don’t cheat on their partners because their sex life is unfulfillingAnd although it is important to work on having a passionate and active sex life, you shouldn’t feel that your relationship is in jeopardy and you will abandoned because you aren’t having enough sex.

Although there are some things you shouldn't waste your time arguing about, it's not healthy for couples to never fight. "The thinking behind this rule is that it is better for you to be agreeable than it is to take a stand and enter into conflict," says Milrad. "However, this philosophy leads to resentment and a feeling of powerlessness. Couples should not be scared of conflict. A healthy relationship has conflict and in an even healthier relationship, the couple can navigate through difficult conversations and decisions."

Although you should never keep anything major from your partner, especially if it involves your relationship, this rule encourages couples to be overly enmeshed with one another, and not have independent lives. "It is considered a betrayal to want your own space, to have a part of your life that was just your own and more importantly, not tell your partner about it," says Milrad. "Separateness is seen as something scary and divisive. Couples have to come to recognize the importance of having an 'us' and a 'me.' They should support each other’s separateness and even believe that it makes the relationship more interesting and dynamic."

This is an old-fashioned rule we can throw out of the closet because it establishes an unhealthy power dynamic based solely on money — and that's all kinds of problematic. "This rule gives someone in the partnership more power because they bring in more income," says Milrad. "It creates a power differential, and the less powerful partner often feels marginalized, minimized, and resentful." Instead, make decisions as equal partners, independent of financial differences. "Partnering and collaboration has replaced power and domination," she says.

"Sometimes, one or both of you does go to bed mad and needs to," says Milrad. "Although this rule had good intentions, it dictates that people have to suck up their feelings and 'make nice' before they go to bed. Consequently, apologies are perfunctory and never leave anyone feeling better." People have different processes, and some people need time to process their feelings and cool down or reflect on their behavior. Conversations in heated moments only make matters worse.

You shouldn't avoid discussing something on your mind just because it might be an uncomfortable conversation. "This is a recipe for disaster," couples psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. tells Bustle. "If something is troubling you, it needs to be talked about, and I mean talked — not yelled or whined about." Find a good time when the two of you are alone, and say that you have something difficult you want to talk about. Tessina suggests using "I" to explain how you feel rather than using a more accusatory "you."

This one is all kinds of nope. "Don’t assume that marriage is a couple of roles and you have to stick to them," says Tessina. "If you want to be creative about who earns the money and who does the parenting or whether you even live together, do what works for both of you, and don’t worry about whether other people like it."

There is no one-size-fits-all for marriage, and you should feel free to break the rules as you see fit — as long as everyone is comfortable with it.