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When you're interested in learning more about a person, asking the right questions is key. But when you're on a first date or just getting the courage to even talk to someone you're attracted to for the first time, it's not uncommon to completely blank out or say the wrong thing. Fortunately, dating coaches know a thing or two about the best conversation starters you should say in order to garner positive results.
As you're probably well aware, meaningful conversations are important to building connections. These go beyond the small talk and the typical, "Hey, how's your day going?" Not that there's anything wrong with starting a conversation with something simple, it just doesn't tent to leave a lasting impression.
"Technology has changed how we engage with each other but human beings still possess an innate desire to feel more deeply connected to and understood by others," Dr. Jill Gross, licensed psychologist and dating coach, tells Bustle. "Therefore, many of us yearn to peel back the superficial curtain of social media status updates and talk about who we really are."
It's probably why so many people hate receiving a simple, "Hey" as an opening on dating apps. There's no substance there and it doesn't give anyone a reason to respond back. So if you want to build a connection with someone, here are some conversation starters you should use.
1What Subject Or Activity Gets You So Excited That You Lose Track Of Time?
A well-rounded individual should have at least one thing they care about, and they'll likely want to talk about it. As Dr. Gross says, "People are more likely to feel attractive and be attracted to someone while discussing their personal passions." It's a great conversation starter if you really want to get to know a person. It's also a lot less cliche than the typical, "So, what do you do for fun?"
2What Are Your Favorite And Least Favorite Things About Yourself?
This is the type of conversation starter that can get real deep super fast. It's also another one of those fun ones that can tell you a lot about how a person is. As Dr. Gross says, "This offers a sneak peek into your date’s level of self-awareness and humility, both of which are signs of emotional maturity."
3What Are The Top Three Most Defining Moments In Your Life?
"The memories we are most easily able to recall paint a picture of how we’ve formed a relationship with ourselves over time," Dr Gross says. The answer to this conversation starter can really speak to your date’s values, commitment, accomplishment, and resilience.
4If You Could Go Back And Do Anything In Your Life Over Again, What Would It Be?
This is a decent opener that can elicit many varied, and fascinating responses. This question speaks to your date’s ability to learn from past mistakes, Dr. Gross says, which is an essential part of conflict-resolution in a long-term relationship.
5Who Was Your Favorite Family Member And Why?
"Our family relationships are the template for adult relationships, romantic and otherwise," Dr. Gross says. Finding out more about who the person your date felt the closest to in their family growing up can let you see what values and traits they will be drawn to in a partner.
6What Is The Scariest Thing You've Ever Done?
"Courage is not the absence of fear," Dr. Gross says. "It’s the willingness to feel afraid and do it anyway." According to her, this question speaks to your date’s ability to stretch outside of their comfort zone. It can tell you how down they are to have cool adventures and learn new things. After all, when it comes to long-lasting relationships, trying new things is key. So it's great to know how well a person deals with fear early on.
If you really want to have a meaningful conversation with someone you're interested in, April Davis, matchmaker and founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking, tells Bustle, it's important to not only ask the right questions but listen. "Most of the time we are only half listening during a conversation," she says. "The other half of our mind is developing what we actually want to speak about or what we’re going to say next because we are not so much listening as waiting for our turn to talk. This is one of the prime culprits in creating conversational dead-ends."
If you really want to form a deep connection with someone, asking the right questions and having great conversations is important. According to a dating coach, if you ask any of the above, you're likely to get a positive response.
