Life
6 Surprising Mistakes You're Making When Trying To Find The One
If you haven't had much success trying to find The One, you're far from alone. Meeting someone who you click with, and see a future with, may feel downright impossible sometimes. Seriously, if you find yourself silently screaming, "Why does dating suck?" over and over, I understand. It may feel like you've tried everything but you might be surprised at some of the mistakes you're making when trying to find The One.
To start off, it's important not to assume that everything we need to know about someone can be found online. "It is impossible to know a person from a dating profile on a website, a phone call or even a first date," Lori Salkin, Senior Matchmaker and Dating Coach, tells Bustle. "While you have to be picky about who you are open to going out with so you don't burn out from an endless stream of bad first dates, you also have to be open-minded and not reject a prospective date that is a reasonable shot. A prospective date is a stranger and it's very hard to know whether your impression of them makes them a worthwhile date or a waste of time."
Not sure if you've been making dating harder for yourself? Here's the mistakes you may be making when trying to find The One, according to experts and what to do about them.
1Not Giving People A Chance
First things first, it's important to ask yourself if you're being a bit quick to judge potential partners. "Too many people say but [they're] only 5'8" or [they're] blonde and I like brunettes or I don't want to drive more than 20 minutes," Stef Safran, matchmaking and dating expert, tells Bustle. "If you don't give someone a chance, you may find years later that you wished you had. Plenty of people can be your type if you get to know their personality."
2Prioritizing What You Want Over What You Need
"You may want [a partner] who makes a good living, but you may need someone who is financially responsible. Know that the two may not go hand in hand," Safran says. This is one of many examples of instances where what you want may not lead to a sustainable relationship. Thinking instead about what you need from a partner can lead to a healthier and lasting connection.
3Not Making Enough Time To Date
If there's someone out there who doesn't feel overworked and busy sometimes then I certainly haven't met them. While it's easy to use this as a reason to put dating on the back burner, this may lead to a feeling of dissatisfaction with your life if you are looking to get married soon. "Every professional that comes to me tells me how busy they are," Safran says. "Dating and relationships take work. If you are over-scheduled, it's not going to help you find someone."
4Chasing Someone Who's Not Interested
In the dating game of cat and mouse, it usually ends with the cat being exhausted and just as hungry as before. While pursuing someone who doesn't feel the same may lead to some great stories, it's certainly not going to lead you to finding The One.
"If you get the sense that the person you're pursuing or going out with is not as into you as you are into them, you need to carefully balance 'the chase' with giving up too early. If the signs are clear that you are doing all the chasing and they are just not interested in you, you should let go and move on," Salkin says. "I do suggest lightly having a talk to make sure because some people just take time to open up and actually are interested."
5Ignoring When You Have Dating Burnout
It's impossible to be successful at anything when you're burnt out, and that includes looking a long-term partner. "If you are tired of dating and realize you need time off, take it! Taking a month or two if you feel that you are tired of dating is a good idea to recharge," Safran says. "You want to take breaks when you need them so that the breaks don't turn out to be long periods of time because you are burnt out."
6Staying Too Long In An Unhappy Relationship
"More and more I am hearing of people who stay in relationships well past the two year mark without a long-term commitment because they don't want to 'go back out there,'" Safran says. "Or they incorrectly assume if the person is with them, they want to be in it for the long haul ...If you aren't talking about your relationship and your goals on a regular basis, it probably is not going to get better if you do get married down the line." Yes, leaving a relationship is scary, but spending your life with someone who you know isn't right for you is a lot scarier.
Putting pressure on yourself to find The One is only going to make dating more stressful. Have fun with dating and try to remember that someone is out there waiting to meet you. Enjoy the ride on the way.
