As a self-proclaimed verbomaniac, if you want to win me over, you need to do so with words. Not only does this prove that I'm a verbomaniac, but it also means my love language is words of affirmation. And it just might be the reason I've dated so many musicians... you write a song about me, and I'm yours. Even if the song is about how I can be a real pain in the ass.
The concept of love languages came about in 1995 by Dr. Gary Chapman. It was in his book, The Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, that Dr. Chapman theorized that we don't all speak the same love language. In fact, there are five possible languages that we can speak: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. At its core, our love language simply means how we show our love and in what way we need to receive our love. For example, someone whose love language is physical touch isn't going to see a poem written specifically for them in the same light as someone whose love language is words of affirmation, and vice versa.
"[Understanding love languages] not only requires understanding the person and how they are different you, but that what is important to them is different from what is important to you," senior matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin tells Bustle, "and being able to separate your wants and needs from theirs to give them what they want and trust in return that they will give you what you want while neither of you is acting for yourself, but only for the other."
If you're with someone whose love language is words of affirmation and, because your love language is anything but that, you're totally clueless as to what to get them for a gift, here are seven great ideas to get you thinking. And, one of the best parts about being with someone whose love language is words of affirmation is it won't cost you much at all — but it will require you get creative.
1Write A Love Letter
Whether you rip off Elizabeth Barrett Browing with "How Do I Love Thee?" or actually come up with some fancy, loving prose of your own, the gift of the written word is exactly what a words of affirmation person needs and wants. In order for the them to feel truly loved and appreciated by you, they need proof of your love in words. Whether that be a letter, a poem, a text, a song, or some really intense sonnet that you claim is an original, but is actually an obscurity written by Shakespeare that was only recently unearthed, just give them words. All they want are words.
2Proclaim Your Love Publicly
Every time someone I know changes their relationship status on Facebook or has some overly adorable back and forth with their partner on Twitter or Instagram, a part of me dies. Because, OMG, can you not?! (And I'm a words of affirmation girl!) But then I have to take a breather and realize that for some such displays are absolutely necessary in them feeling loved. Announcing on Facebook just how amazing your partner is may not be as romantic as shouting it from a mountaintop, but it may be just what your partner needs.
3Talk Dirty During Sex
If your partner's love language is affirmation of words, then there's a good chance they're into talking dirty during sex. While for some the verbal communication is about tantalizing and teasing, for those who need affirmation of words, it's more about what they have to offer their partner and how good they make their partner feel. So go ahead and tell them just how amazing they are and the intimate details of what their kisses do to your body and mind.
4Make Them A Mix CD
While you could make your partner a mix playlist on Spotify or on your iTunes and it email it to them, there's something so romantic about the mix CD — probably because it's a lost art. So find the songs with the lyrics that truly convey all the emotions you would convey if you were able to write song lyrics, pile them onto a CD and burn, baby, burn. Hopefully, your partner still has a CD player lying around somewhere.
5Get Creative With Post-It Notes
One of the greatest inventions of all time are Post-It Notes. If you don't already have a gazillion Post-In Notes lying around like everyone else in the world, you can pop into the closest drug store or bodega and grab a pack for a few bucks. From there, it's all about writing words of affirmation and love on each note and posting them around your partner's home. You could make this an every day gift, with one note a day, or a surprise gift with sporadic notes that are all about great timing.
6A Book Of Love Quotes
If your partner loves words and loves love, but you don't really have the gift for the written word, then giving them book of love quotes is great gift idea. There are so many books out there that are specific to all types of quotes — especially love quotes — that it's just a matter of sifting through dozens and dozens of them trying to find the collection of quotes that's bound make your partner's heart skip a beat.
If your partner's love language is affirmation of words, then you definitely get off easy when it comes to spending money. But, similar to those whose love language is physical touch, when it comes to gift-giving it means getting creative and, in some cases, pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. No one ever said writing a song for someone you love and serenading them over dinner in front of their family was easy, but that's just one of the many sacrifices you make when you're in love.
