30 Questions I Have After ‘Hobbs & Shaw,’ The First Fast & Furious Movie I’ve Ever Seen

I suppose, in a sense, he always is, since Rick Ford from the 2015 Melissa McCarthy comedy is basically a parody of every tough guy Statham's ever portrayed. This is not a bad thing.

Hobbs says he's "a cop," but he also says he prefers "to work alone." Are cops even allowed to do that? And what's the difference between his job and Shaw's? They appear to have the same exact duties and take orders from literally no one.

I think I'm about to find out.

To clarify: there's nothing wrong with this time-honored tradition of PG-13 action movies. It's what I expected, frankly.

Hobbs's daughter is doing a book report on a novel most of us didn't get to the chance to resent until high school. Is she a genius? Will she be the brains of the operation in the Fast 18?

I mean, I'm sure she deserved it, but I didn't know she could be caught. She's got her jewels and her bold lip, through, so it seems like she's handling it well.

By the gasps in the theater, I assume his CIA agent Locke is a new character, despite claiming over and over again to be the best friend of his hero, Lucas Rebecca Hobbs.

Reynolds's Deadpool 2 costar — he played Peter, who perished violently along with the rest of the X-Force — pops up as another CIA agent. He's the one tasked to bring Shaw onto the operation, and while he and Reynolds don't technically share the screen, they do speak on the phone.

Shaw is wearing one that's thick enough to function as a neck brace. Are they functional? Is this his armor? Or is he just silently protesting Hobbs's deep v-necks?

Consultants? All-purpose good guys? Battle Uber drivers? I'm going to need to see an official description.

Spot on, casting department. The Luther star is the guy you hire when you need to visually represent the pursuit of human excellence.

Vanessa Kirby's Hattie, M16 agent and sister to Shaw, injects herself with the virus Brixton (Elba) wants, which supposedly melts your internal organs. It seems to have a timer on it, for reasons never fully explained.

The first real one doesn't happen until about 25-30 minutes in. Don't leave and go ask for a refund — the few we do get are on the level you expect. My soul briefly left my body when Elba slid underneath a moving bus while on a motorcycle.

Have they always been?? We're talking super-soldiers and cheating death. Didn't this whole thing start in a chop shop?

When Brixton reports to the anonymous director of Eteon, the operation that wants to upgrade humanity by wiping it out, he does so in a Black Mirror-type vestibule where the sound waves of the director's altered voice are projected onto the walls. For what, the aesthetic? Seems excessive.

I stopped counting but also laughed at every single one. We're talking base-level boy fighting, and it's delightful.

Keep in mind that they're also international fugitives by this scene and have already ditched their carefully crafted disguises. Being overheard by the air marshal is the least of their concerns.

You wouldn't get the armrest, but otherwise, it would probably be a lovely, life-affirming experience, including several motivational speeches about everything you can achieve and how proud he is of you.

Shaw doesn't like that Hobbs is hitting it off with Hattie, which Hobbs enjoys immensely. He informs Shaw that he'll let her "climb this mountain" if she wants to, and I need to know if this fitting euphemism is new.

Also, who's his daughter's mom? She scaled that mountain first, apparently.

Not that I've seen.

In this, he pops up as the aforementioned air marshal, who obviously overhears Hobbs and Shaw bickering because they're talking so damn loud and later helps them get out to Samoa to stage their last stand against Eteon.

Eiza Gonzalez shows up briefly as Margarita, the leader of a gang of women criminals who steal from Russian mobsters. I want to know everything about her.

There's too much pigtail-pulling for this not to be true. Someday, they'll admit it and get their own set of matching tattoos.

We find out that Brixton was mechanized after Shaw shot him in the head, but how did Eteon get to him? Was he already dead when they did? Does it matter at all?

The more Brixton communicates with the director, the more often it slips. Seems like Locke isn't who he says he is, and that they might want to get IT in to take a look at that thing.

The whole last third of the movie takes place in Samoa, which is awesome and beautiful and adds some culture to the proceedings. Hobbs is apparently estranged from his family, but it sounds like it was all his dad's fault.

I guess we've moved way beyond that at this point.

Side note: are there Fast fans out there who get together to talk about the good ol' days and petition for the franchise to get back to basics or does that only happen in literally every other fandom?

The guys from Hobbs's hometown play a key role in bringing down a helicopter, doing all kinds of trick driving in inappropriate footwear — a skill you have to develop if you live on the islands, apparently.

The director is able to put Brixton to sleep easily, which he might have considered in all his bragging about being half-machine. Pro: you're almost indestructible. Con: anybody with the kill switch can turn you off and turn you back on again.

I realize I don't know what I'm talking about, but she fits right in! And I want her and Hobbs to go on a date in the rom-com spinoff I'm already pitching!

I'm 99.99999% sure that's him on the other end of those communications with Brixton, and those post-credits scenes are super sketch. Not to mention I'm pretty sure you've got to be a super-soldier to really be able to stab a guy with a brick.

Or does the real Fast & Furious feud continue?

All of this is to say: you really don't need to be informed at all to enjoy all the ridiculous action of Hobbs & Shaw. So consider this your entry point, fellow newbies.