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26 Times David Was Straight-Up Terrible At Basic Life Skills On Schitt’s Creek
It’s not just folding in the cheese.
There are plenty of things that David Rose is great at on Schitt's Creek: running Rose Apothecary, taking care of his knits, grooming his impressive eyebrows. But growing up wealthy and privileged meant David didn't learn many basic life skills, like what a write-off is or how to fold the cheese into his family's recipe for "ahn-chiladas."
While living in Schitt's Creek, David was able to overcome some of these foibles — most notably in regard to his work ethic. Before arriving in the town, David had a middling career as an art gallerist, but it was later revealed to be a sham: his parents had secretly paid for most of the art he sold. Discovering this lie was devastating for David, whose mismanagement had already made the Blouse Barn go bankrupt. But he remained confident in his business acumen and eventually launched Rose Apothecary — a boutique that, both to his and his parents’ surprise, became incredibly successful. Sure, David may not be the best with finances, but he and Patrick managed to turn a sad general store into a booming business that teens love to shoplift from.
As for some of his other life skills...well, those still need some work.
1Getting Out Of Bed
While David is typically good at waking up, there are a few times throughout the series where he just...can't.
2Giving Life Advice
After Jocelyn asks David to talk to a young, gay student at her school, he responds, "The idea of me life-coaching another human being should scare you — a lot." We stan a self-aware king!
3Cooking
Unfortunately for David, Moira is just as helpless as he is when it comes to their family's enchilada recipe. But though it takes them an excruciatingly long time to figure out how to fold in the cheese, it turns out surprisingly edible.
4Building Furniture
After discovering that his cashmere is being destroyed by moths, David sets out to build himself a cedar chest. But when Mutt sees what he's attempting, he feels obligated to step in before David hurts himself.
5Taking A Hint
David's personality is enough to test the Amish family the Roses find him living with after setting out for New York and going MIA. As Mr. and Mrs. Rose are told when they come to pick up their son, David's staying there taught the Amish family some valuable lessons in patience, forgiveness, and restraint.
6Anything Money-Related
Although David initially has trouble grasping what a write-off is (RIP, the Blouse Barn), his impeccable taste comes in handy for the Rose Apothecary. Thankfully, Patrick is there to keep his spending habits in check.
7Closing Doors
You know that saying about how when one door closes, another opens? It's not referring to David, whose door-closing skills are so bad it's confounding.
8Leaving Voicemails
Flustered by his attraction to Patrick, David leaves an ill-advised message which he ends with a casual, "Ciao!"
9Squatting
His form is actually pretty good as far as squats go, but the uncertainty on David's face is what really cements it as a deeply uncomfortable moment.
10Driving
While one could argue that Alexis is a bit too lax about driving (she has her F Class, after all!), David tends to overthink things. It took him several tries to get his license, so when it expires, he dreads going in and taking the test again.
12Talking To Teens
High schoolers are terrifying, and David's desire to be accepted by the cool kids is understandable. But when Patrick and Alexis find out that the teenagers are stealing from Rose Apothecary, David is forced to put his stylish foot down.
13Acting Casual
Since David tends to overthink everything, staying calm is not his forte, either.
14Being Hireable
David’s eager to prove he can score a job as a flight attendant over Stevie in Season 6, but it turns out that he’s not so great at it. After being too chatty and saying he’d offer complimentary alcohol to passengers, he’s shooed out of the room by the supervisor.
15Hugging
Physical touch is not exactly David's thing, but he makes an exception for Ted. Perhaps this is foreshadowing for their Season 5 kiss?
16Tasting Wine
David and Moira go to a local winery to choose a wine name that will be named after Moira. But predictably, everything goes off the rails. They both imbibe way too much and are unable to choose one — with David wailing that he liked the “radish” one.
18Giving Directions
David may be fashionable, but his failure to tell Patrick how a spray tan works means his fiancé ends up looking burnt orange in their wedding photos.
19Performing
Moira and her son may look incredible in their matching outfits, but it's clear that David is less comfortable on stage than his mom, who quite literally lives for the spotlight.
20Singing
David didn't inherit Moira's musical abilities, either.
21Heights
Poor, sweet David faces his fears when he and Patrick go on a double date with Alexis and Ted in order to prove that they have an electric relationship.
22Playing Baseball
Although David is deeply offended when Patrick asks him to play in the Cafe Tropical league, he proves to be a vital asset to the team.
24Holding It In
David is so excited about his wedding that he wets the bed, much to his horror and denial. “I have to go,” he panics to Patrick. “Do we have to divorce if we were never married?”
25Staying Calm
Unsurprisingly, David can barely keep it together on his wedding day in the final episode. But it turns out that Patrick already booked David a massage weeks ago, exactly because he knows David can’t help but stress out. Which is great except…
26Reading the Room
When the masseuse gives him a “happy ending” on his wedding day, David just lets it happen, assuming that’s what Patrick paid for.
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