15 Questions To Ask Your Date Before You Meet Up In Person

This question can help you determine if your potential date been taking self-isolation seriously or not. "Some people are more hypersensitive about exposing themselves to others, and this qualifying question will help you determine if you're OK with someone who's been more casual opposed to someone who's been more protective," Chloé Miller, dating coach and CEO of And, Swipe Right, an online dating coaching company, tells Bustle. This question also doubles as a getting-to-know-you inquiry. You can find out what they do for fun when they have a lot of time on their hands.

Start a conversation about your individual expectations for the date. If your date says they're at a nine, but you're at a six, you can discuss what needs to happen on the date for you to feel safe. For example, you can say you'll feel more comfortable if you both agree to stay six feet apart and avoid physical contact. From there, Miller says you can even discuss what type of socially distant first date would be best, like going for a walk in the park instead of sharing a table at a restaurant.

As Laurie Gerber, relationship coach, tells Bustle, "If you’re going to the trouble of getting all dressed up and (safely) commuting to a social-distancing friendly location, you want to at least know you’re vaguely interested in this person." Gerber suggests having at least one virtual date before planning for one in person.

Dating can be tricky right now because not everyone will be following the same safety standards as you. If you're trying to plan a date with someone, it's not a bad idea to talk about specifics like their opinion on wearing face masks in public or social distancing. "It's basic, but important to know," Susan Trombetti, dating expert and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle.

Some people aren't too concerned about getting sick, or just don't care about social distancing. If you do, it's important for you to figure out how your potential date feels before agreeing to meet in person. It's one thing to dislike wearing masks in public, but it's another to ignore the guidelines completely. "My belief is if you see any evidence of lack of respect for themselves, the outside world, or any of the issues that are upon us, it's highly likely that their respect for you or the relationship will likely be treated in the same manner," Evagelou says. If you feel uneasy about someone not taking social distancing seriously, it's a sign your values might not be aligned.

This is another question that can seem too personal, especially before a first date. But for some, it can be essential to know. "If you are immunosuppressed due to chemotherapy, live with someone who is, or are in an area hit particularly hard by the pandemic, it's reasonable to ask if the other person has been tested," dating coach Lee Wilson tells Bustle. If they make a big deal out of you asking, you may have to reconsider if this is someone you really want to be going out with.

Ask questions that can help you decipher the literal, physical risk of going out with someone. "This question can sound personal but politely asking about someone’s exposure level, I think, is par for the course these days," Bouffard says. "A conscientious person will want to know similar from you. If you’re worried about COVID contact, take this step to extra weed through who is respectful and who isn’t." Questions like this may feel uncomfortable to ask, but if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, open communication is key. You might as well start practicing that now.

This is one of the most basic questions you can ask someone when you're getting to know them. But during a pandemic, what they do for work can help you decide how close you want to get to them on a date. For instance, if they've been working from home for the past few months, you may feel a little safer meeting up in person or getting physically close sooner. "Regardless of where you live, you should be particular about the questions you ask pre-meeting/date," Mallory Love, dating coach and COO of Love and Matchmaking, tells Bustle. "Be thorough and do not feel bad for wanting to be informed."

While being in quarantine is one thing nearly all of us have in common, everyone has had very different experiences. According to Annie Mayo, dating coach and matchmaker, asking open-ended questions like "Did you pick up any new hobbies?" or "What movies or shows did you get into?" can be great icebreakers. It can also give you insight into their personality and reveal whether you two have anything in common. If you have more things in common, there's going to be a lot to talk about during your in person date.

Did they quarantine with a group of friends, family, or were they by themselves the whole time? "What you are looking to establish here is their history of contact with others," Evagelou says. "You want to determine how responsible and mindful they're being of the circumstances, especially if they have children and elders living with them where transfer of exposure could be at play." This question can also open up to a fun exchange of life in quarantine stories if you happen to have any good ones to share.

It's time to start being direct about what you want if you haven't been doing so already. "We're taught to talk about the 'scary stuff' later, which is why dating can be so exhausting even when we're not in a pandemic," relationship coach Jeanne Sullivan Billeci tells Bustle. But it's important to know what they want early on so you're not wasting your time or risking your health on someone who really isn't looking for the same thing you are. Always be honest with yourself. If you know you want a relationship and they have a go with the flow, see where it goes attitude, maybe you should hold off on going out in person.

Talking about politics or religion may have once been taboo on a first date. But as Mari Verano, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping BIPOC and LGBTQ communities, tells Bustle, "It's very important to ask the deeper questions about values to avoid wasting time with anyone who may not be a compatible connection." For example, if one of your values is anti-racism, Verano suggests asking more thought-provoking questions like, "How are you challenging racist ideas in your own life?" to better assess is someone's values align with yours. If you feel uneasy over their response, they may not be emotionally safe to go out with. When you're being more cautious about who you're choosing to go out with, your date's opinions on hot topics like the Black Lives Matter movement can help you decide if you want to make the effort.

Don’t be shy about asking someone if they've started seeing people in person. "You deserve to know this answer," Jamie Bronstein, LCSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle. Listen to your gut on this one. If they hesitate with their answer or if you feel like they aren’t truthful with you, it’s probably better to hold off or not meet in person. Again, it's up to you to decide what you're OK with.

This question can start a conversation about your expectations on social distancing during the date. It's important to discuss things like whether or not to hug or shake hands when you first see each other. "This conversation is incredibly valuable to help establish the comfort level of both people and offers a beautiful collaboration effort early on in order to co-create an outcome that works for both of you," Evagelou says.

On the day of your date, check in with them to confirm the details and to just see how they're feeling. According to Bronstein, it's completely OK to ask them if they're having any COVID-19 symptoms as you need to protect yourself. "It’s empowering for you to be able to ask whatever questions you need to ask in order to feel comfortable meeting in person," she says.

Experts:

Brittany Bouffard, LCSW, psychotherapist

Jamie Bronstein, LCSW, psychotherapist

Mari Verano, licensed marriage and family therapist

Sources:

Chloé Miller, relationship expert, founder and CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT

Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking

Tia Evagelou, relationship coach

Laurie Gerber, relationship expert and Head Coach, Handel Group

Mallory Love, dating coach and COO of Love and Matchmaking

Lee Wilson, dating coach

Annie Mayo, dating coach and matchmaker with It's Just Lunch Denver

Jeanne Sullivan Billeci, relationship coach