When it comes to your relationship, it's important to stay true to yourself — by paying attention to what you want, what you need, etc. — while also considering how your personality quirks might affect your partner. That's why getting to know yourself is so important when you're part of a couple, since it can mean balancing each other out and having a happier relationship.
"Having a better understanding of yourself will help you navigate your relationship," NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson tells Bustle. "You will learn your triggers and how best to avoid them or deal with them. This will lead to less arguing in your relationship and more understanding of differences." Do you have a short temper? Or a tendency to feel jealous? These are good things to know about yourself, since they can not only affect how you feel day-to-day, but how your partner feels, too.
Paying attention to your wants and needs, and what makes you you, can also shed light on whether or not your relationship will even work out. "It lets you know what your deal breakers are, as well as the things that you can find middle ground on," says psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez. Definitely don't change yourself for someone else, but do get ready to compromise. Here are some great places to start.
1. If You're A Jealous Person...
If you're the jealous type — no matter how hard you likely try not to be — do yourself a favor and avoid talking about your partner's exes. "Avoid speaking about ... exes, old lovers, and old relationships. They are in the past for a reason," matchmaker and relationship expert Bonnie Winston tells Bustle. It may not feel like a big deal, and many couples enjoy talking about exes. But since this topic can be a slippery slope, it's better to avoid it if you're sensitive.
2. If You're Introverted...
If you're quiet, introverted, or introspective, don't get tangled up with a partner who doesn't let you be you. As Winston says, "...don't feel you have to adapt to what anyone's idea of who you are should be." While you might make allowances — say, by going to a party once a month, if it means a lot to your SO — you shouldn't feel like you have to step outside your comfort zone every single day. It'll only lead to resentment.
3. If You're Extroverted...
On the flip side, if you're outgoing, go ahead and be outgoing. "It is important to respect yourself, whatever your personality type," Winston says. "If you are an outgoing person, don’t be squashed because your partner complains about it." If you talk it out and share your concerns, the two of you will likely be able to work out a balance where both your needs are being met.
4. If You're A Saver (Not A Spender)...
If you're someone who's very careful with money, don't open a mutual bank account with an SO who totally isn't. "Work out a system about who pays what bills, make sure they are paid each month, and agree to not get in each others business about saving and finances — except for mutual expenses, and those savings or splurges you have agreed upon," says psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez. "Many people will not agree with this, but it will save more arguments than you know, and if things are being taken care of, that is what should matter."
5. If You're Extra Sensitive...
While this one may seem obvious, don't open up a conversation that can lead to hurtful comments — such as asking a partner what they do and don't like about you. "This will only lead to you feeling worse about yourself," says Hershenson. "If you feel there are things you'd like to change about yourself, work on them through the help of a therapist or close friend."
6. If You're Super Ambitious...
It's obviously awesome that you're highly driven and going after your goals. But don't let your workaholic ways hold you back from having a fulfilling relationship. "It’s fine for you (and your partner) to be on the upwardly-mobile career track, but you have to remember they need you, too," psychic and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells Bustle. Plenty of busy couples are able to strike a balance. It just takes some effort.
7. If You're Insecure...
It's normal to occasionally feel insecure in relationships, but this feeling can get out of hand if you add fuel to the fire by seeking validation. Not only will it stress you out, but it can lead your partner to feel resentful. "This person is looking for constant reassurance from their partner that they are loved and good enough," says relationship expert Rhonda Milrad, LCSW. "For example, they shouldn’t ask their partner how they look or questions where they compare themselves to others. And they also shouldn't demand that their partners are always attending to them. They are setting themselves up to be constantly disappointed with the responses they receive. "
8. If You Have A "Type A" Personality...
If you have a Type A personality, you might experience more stress in life, seek perfection, and be super goal driven — among other traits. If this describes you, avoid coming at your relationship with ridiculous expectations. As licensed clinical therapist Donna Oriowo, PhD says, "... you should never have the fairy tale way of thinking that your partner should 'just know' what you're thinking or what you need. You have to be very willing to communicate with your partner(s) about what you need, when you need it, and how they should specifically meet your need. This works for anyone, but should definitely be practiced by those who are particular."
9. If You Have A Short Temper...
Having a short temper is hard enough without accidentally making yourself feel worse. So, when it comes to your relationship, the one thing you should avoid is speaking before you think. "If you tend to blurt things out without thinking, remember to stop, count to 10, and think about what you want to say," Rappaport says. "It’s always better to slow down and keep a lot of your thoughts to yourself."
10. If You're Incredibly Impatient...
If you like to go go go, it might be frustrating to find yourself with someone who doesn't function under the same time constraints. And yet, the last thing you want to do is become harried and extra impatient with them. "If you tend to be a person who wants to know things or wants things done 'now,' you have to find a way to chill," Rappaport says. You're certainly entitled to move at your own pace. But keep in mind that your partner is, too.
11. If You Aren't Great At Communicating...
While you don't have to tell your partner everything, do know that ineffective communication — shutting down, keeping secrets, jumping to conclusions, etc. — can really affect your relationship over time. "If you have problems communicating with your partner, take the time to slow down and ask for clarification," Rappaport says. "Let your partner do the same. This is something you can improve over time, if you do more listening than speaking."
Being in a relationship means showing up with all your amazing traits, but also all those quirks that aren't so great. If you know what you're bringing to the table, and are willing to compromise, personality differences don't have to take a toll on your relationship.
Images: Unsplash, Emma Frances Logan; Pexels (11)
