11 Tricks To Get Along Better With Others

Don't assume that people can read your mind. "If you want to get along better with others, you've got to be assertive and make sure that you're coming across as the real you," says psychotherapist Emily Roberts, MC, LPC over email. "Often we send a quick text or assume someone isn't responding because (insert insecurity or unhelpful thought here, eg: "They're mad at me or too busy for me), which isn't true and thus impacts the way you communicate with this person."

People respond well when you address them by their name. "When you hear your name, you automatically listen to the person talking," says Roberts. "'You know Jess, I really like that idea,' is much more powerful and increases connection compared to 'I like that idea.'"

Even if it feels that way, someone isn't always late or never on time. "We are generalizing in an internal attempt to make them feel empathy for our frustration," says Roberts. "It may be true that they are rarely on time. However, use a word that doesn’t have as much heat to it. Try 'Often it feels like' or 'Recently, I have noticed.' They are not all or nothing; they are more subjective, effective terms."

Try to avoid using the word "but," as it often invalidates others and causes the other person to feel defensive. '“You did a great job on that project, but you should check your proof reading next time—' What a back-handed compliment," says Roberts. "The listener doesn’t even hear the praise now. They are focused on what they did wrong. Using the word "and" instead forces you to change the outcome of the statement: “You did a great job on that presentation, and try to spell check a bit more if you can. I know it can be a hassle sometimes.”

Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with the person, but it can show you are attempting to understand where they are coming from. "I may not be able to understand what it feels like to have something happen, but I can be emphatic with my words," says Roberts. Something like, 'That must have been terrible. I’m sorry that happened,' shows I am listening to them.

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and accidentally neglect those close to you. This can be resolved by making a list of your weekly priorities of people you want to spend time with. "We all have the excuse 'We are too busy,'" says Kitley. "A conscious effort needs to be made. Examples are: Set up a coffee date, a phone call, send someone a text you know you are thinking of them."

Standing your ground or turning something down isn't always a negative. "Say no when you need or want to," says clinical psychologist Dr. Lyssa Menard over email. "Agreeing to everything asked of you is not good for anyone. You'll either wind up being resentful, which seeps out in passive aggressive behavior, or you'll fail to deliver."

"Along with being positive, take the time to express your thanks to those who've done right by you or others, and take note of anything in your experience that's worthy of gratitude," says Menadrd. "If you're grateful that your plane took off on time and landed without incident, really take note of it — either verbally or even just internally. It will change your disposition and others will feel drawn to your perspective."

Instead of saying something like "You're always making a mess," say, "I feel anxious when the house is so cluttered" instead. "We are quick to tell people what they're doing wrong and that often puts people on the defensive," says Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher LMHC, CRC over email. "Instead, we should be telling people how we feel and allow them to respond to our feelings."

Of course you always want to respect someone's boundaries, but showing physical affection can help forge warm relationships. "Affection can go a long way in relationships," says Weaver-Breitenbecher. "It isn't the be all and end all, but physical touch from someone we love increases are endorphins and feel-good neurotransmitters."

It's truly simple, but put your phone down and give someone the undivided attention they need. "Few people really get the interested, focused attention from others that we all need," says Menard. "That kind of interest makes people feel like they truly matter. It's such a gift that, when you give it, others will remember you fondly."