16 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love

“If your partner constantly complains about random things that may not have been a problem before, this may be a sign of emotional disconnect,” Southall says. Instead of laughing off daily annoyances or lovingly accepting your flaws, it’ll seem like they suddenly have a short fuse about it all. The reason? They were able to look past it all when they were in love, Southall says, but are now finding it difficult to do so as their feelings change.

That said, your S.O. might also stop arguing completely or find ways to avoid tough conversations, Southall says, either because they don’t have any emotional energy left to invest or because they simply don’t have the desire to do so.

The drive to argue (in a healthy way) requires some level of care and passion. Couples get upset and argue because their relationship means something to them and they want to work things out. When a partner is falling out of love, they’ll seem very “meh” about everything — often to a frustrating degree.

While partners are totally allowed to have privacy within a relationship, keep an eye out for weird and suspicious activity, like the fact your partner has a new passcode on their phone or shields their screen whenever you walk in the room.

“This may engender some concern as it may indicate they are flirting with others, using dating apps, or using technology for relationship-threatening behavior,” Dr. Lori Lawrenz, a clinical psychologist specializing in sexual health, tells Bustle. In other words, they might be cheating or thinking about cheating because they’re falling out of love.

It may sound small, but pay attention to whether your S.O. has stopped using pet names with you. “If your partner usually says ‘I love you’ or utters terms of endearment such as ‘babe,’ ‘sweetheart,’ or ‘boo’ and they no longer say these things to you, it could be a sign that love is diminishing,” Lawrenz says. These words will feel too mushy for someone who just isn’t feelin’ it.

If your partner refuses to nail down a date for your annual beach trip, take note. “Partners who are falling out of love often stop making plans for the future,” Manly says. “Whether it’s having no interest in planning vacations, reaching little life goals, or talking about upcoming celebrations, a consistent lack of investment in the future often signals that they have one foot out the door.”

Notice any gut feelings you have about your relationship. “If your partner is feeling disconnected, you will be able to sense the distance and your intuition will sense a wonky, inadequate energy,” psychotherapist Jennifer Grant Schliessman, LCSW tells Bustle.

The imbalance might show up in moments where you hug them but they don’t hug back or when you say “good morning” enthusiastically and they don’t respond. Trust this feeling, Schliessman says, as it often means something’s amiss.

A partner who is falling out of love will stop trying in a variety of ways, and according to Lawrenz, that very well may include making an effort on your birthday. Heck, they might even forget your birthday (and other important dates, like your anniversary) entirely — or at least pretend to because they don’t want to make the effort to celebrate. And this is a red flag.

Another subtle sign? If your partner is decidedly less tender and sweet. “This might arise through reduced touching, brittle conversations, or a decrease in little acts of kindness,” Manly says. They won’t kiss you before bed, text to check in, or arrive home with your favorite iced matcha in hand.

Along that same vibe, your partner could start running late to date nights and other couple-y events. If they used to be on time, Lawrenz says, and if they don’t have a good reason to be late, consider it yet another sign they aren’t making you a priority.

If it feels like your partner is just going through the motions in bed, consider it a red flag. “When a partner falls out of love, sexual activity tends to become emotionless,” licensed psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher tells Bustle. They won’t want to look you in the eye or make much of an effort, which will leave you unfulfilled and wanting more.

“One connection without eye contact is not a cause for concern, but noticing patterns of behaviors that are a shift from what was previously engaged, connected, and attentive and moving towards a more disconnected and disengaged manner of relating may be something to watch out for,” adds Lawrenz .

Your partner might also look for little ways to sever emotional ties, Fisher says, possibly by pointing out all the ways you’re so “different” or “mismatched” as a couple — even though these differences were never a problem before.

They’ll also play up small arguments and make them seem worse than they were. If they were in love and invested, they’d find ways to smooth over your differences, reach compromises, and get the relationship back on track.

While there are lots of reasons why a person might stare unblinkingly into their phone, falling out of love is certainly one of them. “Your partner may spend excessive time distracting themselves on social media,” Schliessman says, as a way to avoid having emotional conversations about the state of your relationship. They know that any moment of dead air could result in a chat they aren’t ready (or don’t want) to have, so they busy themselves with social media (or TV, or podcasts) to keep you at bay.

Another glaring sign is if your partner’s priorities swing wildly away from you and land firmly in other areas of their life. “You’ll notice their schedule seems to include everyone but you,” clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. tells Bustle. “They won’t ask you, they won’t check in with you — they’ll simply go at it alone."

This change could crop up in a variety of ways, like how they suddenly want to stay late at work or go on more weekend trips with friends. It’s healthy to have alone time in a relationship, where you both get a chance to venture off and do things individually. But time away should be balanced with lots of couple time. If it isn’t, Klapow says you may have a problem on your hands.

It's great if your partner enjoys time with their friends, but if they're consistently happier and more “on” with others — while acting gloomy or apathetic around you — take note. As Klapow says, "These are all signals that the emotional connection and fulfillment they were receiving from you, they're now receiving from others.” It may also mean they’re checking out of the relationship.

If your relationship was moving along at a steady pace, it won't feel great if it suddenly starts going in the opposite direction. And for good reason.

"Relationship backtracking is a surefire sign that someone is falling out of love with you," Graber says. "For instance, you lived together and now they want to move out, or if they want to 'slow things down.' Things might be moving slowly, which is fine, but the relationship should always be moving forward and never backward." If this seems to be the case, it's time to ask your partner what's going on.

It isn’t a good sign if your partner starts acting more like a roommate. When that happens, it’ll seem like you’re just politely co-existing and going about your days, without much emotion, energy, or connection.

While all of these red flags can point to a problem, try not to read too deeply into small changes. "Don’t assume that the distance can only be that they are falling out of love," Klapow says. Every relationship shifts and changes over time, and everyone has off days. "But don’t assume that everything is fine, either,” he adds.

If your partner seems different, bring it to their attention and have a heart-to-heart. From there you may decide to work on the relationship and see if you can get it back on track. "You won’t know until you talk,” Klapow says, so make that your first priority.