It's officially Christmas season, which means that blasting Christmas music during your morning commute will no longer earn you weird looks from your fellow commuters. That is, depending on what songs you listen to. If, for example, you choose to sing one of these 11 creepy Christmas music lyrics, you could be at risk of getting kicked out. It might be socially acceptable to listen to Christmas music after Thanksgiving, but these creepy lyrics will never be OK, no matter how much we might want them to be.
Christmas songs — both traditional and contemporary — are generally full of creepy lyrics. When you're young, it's easy to overlook the creep factor of Christmas songs, but over the years, it's become obvious that there are plenty of Christmas music lyrics that are way creepier than you realized. Santa might be a jolly old man, but he's also kind of a perv. ("He sees you when you're sleeping"? Come on!) And all this talk of meeting under the mistletoe feels a bit forced, if you asked me. Sure, you could argue that Christmas songs are all written with only the innocent themes of forgiveness and love and magic in mind, but that doesn't change the fact that, if you stop and think for a second, some classic Christmas music lyrics get very creepy very fast.
1"He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice"
This classic line from "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" is just innocent fun, right? Wrong. Let's think this through for a moment: an old white man (according to Megyn Kelly) is going to determine who is "naughty" and who is "nice." Based on what rubric is he judging? And who is he to determine what is good and what is bad?
2"He sees you when you're sleeping / He knows when you're awake"
Another famous "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" lyric, this one doesn't really need an explanation. Nobody should be watching you sleep, not even Santa Claus himself.
3"Through the years we all will be together / If the fates allow"
This line from "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is sweet on the one hand, but on the other.... "if the fates allow" sounds like a pretty ominous way to talk about future holidays.
4"I simply must go (but baby it's cold outside) / The answer is no (but baby it's cold outside)"
"Baby It's Cold Outside" is the classic Christmas date rape song. Honestly, any of the song's lyrics could have been on this list, but this one is exceptionally creepy because it explicitly states that the female part is not consenting to any of this nonsense — "The answer is NO."
5"I'm just going to keep on waiting / Underneath the mistletoe"
There's nothing that scandalous about these lines from "All I Want For Christmas," but looking beyond the sweet sentiment of someone wanted to be reunited with their boo on Christmas, it's a little weird that the singer is willing to just wait around under some mistletoe. Who knows how long they're going to have to wait? And why wouldn't you be able to find something else to do?
6"Hang all the mistletoe / I'm gonna get to know you better this Christmas"
Mistletoe is ground zero again in "This Christmas," when the song hints "Hang all the mistletoe / I'm gonna get to know you better this Christmas." Slow down, dude, if you don't already know the woman (or man) you're trying to sweep of his or her feet, then maybe don't cover the house in mistletoe just yet.
7"So this is Christmas / And what have you done?"
Think Christmas songs are all happy? Think again, because "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" is about as depressing as anything you'll hear this year. The song was written by John Lennon and Yoko Ono and was meant as a sort of call to arms for peaceful protestors, hence the pretty hostile and slightly creepy demand "And what have you done?"
8"For rich and for poor ones / The world is so wrong"
Another sad lyric from "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)." It's true that the world isn't perfect, and the song wasn't exactly intended to be all that joyous, but still — must it be this dark?
9"There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear / Where a kiss of love can kill you, and there's death in every tear / And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom"
Written to raise money to help fight famine in Ethiopia in 1984, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" is a haunting Christmas song. Is it good to use Christmas as a time to raise awareness for those less fortunate? Yes. Is such graphic imagery necessary to convey such a message? No.
10"When the party is over / The night's just begun / I promise the best part / Is yet to come / Slow dance together / Two become one"
Dear singer of "Under My Tree," who exactly are you planning on getting alone after your Christmas party? Is your Christmas party even real, or are you just luring the object of your affection to your house for a "slow dance together"?
11"Oh, what a laugh it would have been / If Daddy had only seen / Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night"
This lyric from "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is either extremely disturbing or cute, depending on how you view the song. Either you think that Santa Claus is the singer's Daddy, and it's cute that the singer didn't recognize him, or Santa Claus is real and this kid wants his dad to watch his mom kiss someone else for some reason. Either way, it's pretty weird.
Granted, if you can get past the creep factor, all these Christmas songs are pretty top notch. Let the creeptastic Christmas begin!
