While some people might think up sick burns in their heads as they go about their day, there are a few zodiac signs who will straight-up roast you without a second thought. Not only do they have the skills to come up with perfectly lighthearted insults, but they also have the guts to say them out loud.
The ideal roast is a fun, witty observation that leans dangerously close to a rude remark. It’s a way to tease the people close to you, which is why roasts are often only shared among tight-knit friend groups. Sometimes, they also make their way into special occasions, like a toast at a wedding. One of these members of the zodiac might raise a glass and roast you on your special day.
“I am jealous of all the people who have never met you,” they might say, with a twinkle in their eye, or “You haven’t changed at all since the last time I saw you. You really should.” Some roasts are quippy one-liners like these, while others are off the cuff and tailor-made just for you. They don’t come from a bad place, though, and are actually these zodiac signs’ way of showing they care.
The zodiac signs who come up with the best roasts are quick-witted, observant, and not afraid to tell the truth. Here are the three who do it best.
Virgo (Aug. 22-Sept. 21)
Virgos may not be the loudest people you know, but that’s because they’re always watching, listening, and observing. This analytical earth sign doesn’t miss a thing, and that includes all the ways they could roast you.
Since folks with Virgo placements tend to run their lives like a tight ship, it’s common for them to feel annoyed by other people’s inadequacies. If a partner is running late or a friend doesn’t text back, they’ll call them out with perfect precision, getting right to the heart of why they’ve failed or let them down.
Virgos are also ruled by quick-witted Mercury, which means they tend to have hilarious takes. A Virgo will spot your flaws, roll them into a joke, and deliver a one-liner with the skill of a veteran comedian. Because their roasts are so clever — and often seem to come out of nowhere — you can’t even be mad.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 20)
To get good at roasting, you have to understand what’s going on in someone’s head, and that’s what Scorpios do best. Unlike run-of-the-mill jabs that feel very surface-level, a Scorpio’s roast will feel on-point and personal.
As a Pluto-ruled water sign, Scorpios are observant, empathetic, and intuitive. They’re also always psychologically profiling everyone they meet. It’s why they can roast a perfect stranger within moments of meeting them, but what they love most is roasting a close friend or partner. They’ll know just what to say to get under your skin — in a sweet way, of course.
For Scorpios, roasts can be a sort of love language. They might call out one of your quirks or tell a delightfully insulting tale during a birthday toast. It’s how you know they’re always listening to everything you say.
Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec. 20)
Since Sagittarius is the truth teller of the zodiac, it means no one’s safe from a roast when they’re around. This fire sign will say what they’re thinking the moment it pops into their head, often with no filter whatsoever.
While these roasts sometimes veer toward being mean-spirited, they’re always endearing when they come from a Sagittarius. Not only does this sign make jokes in a lighthearted, loving way, but they also tend to roast the people they care about most. Nothing says “I love you, and I see you” quite like one of their funny insults.
Thanks to their Jupiter ruler, which governs wisdom and expansion, Sagittarians tend to be tuned in, philosophical, and highly observant of everything around them. It allows them to pick up on your little quirks and eccentricities. It’s all fodder for one of their hyper-specific burns.
