Are We All Stream-Of-Consciousness Texters Now?

Sajina Shrestha self-identifies as a stream-of-consciousness texter: “I’ve had instances where I haven’t even finished a thought, but the text is already out,” she says. She doesn’t see the point in stopping herself after two or three consecutive messages, especially not with friends. Instead, the 25-year-old shoots out her thoughts in quick-fire succession, because “that’s how I talk. For me, texting is talking.”

Ita Flores is Shrestha’s close friend — but doesn’t share her texting style. “A lot of texts will accumulate throughout the day,” says Flores, who’s a student in New York. “Looking at our conversation now, since I last replied to her at 10 o’clock last night, I have one, two… 12 texts from her.”

How you text is almost as important as what you text. Without the verbal and nonverbal cues of an in-person conversation — tone, facial expressions, or body language — we instead analyze the length and frequency of texts, choice of slang, emojis and punctuation, and reply time. And few things are as controversial and emotionally charged — in the realm of texting, that is — as sending a long, uninterrupted chain of messages.

Online, this simmering cultural debate often reaches a flashpoint. Such was the case on Feb. 6, when an X (formerly Twitter) user went viral for posting a photo of her sister’s phone screen stacked with a dozen outgoing texts: “Oh my sis is going through it,” the user joked. In the replies, many people confessed they’d been in the texter’s shoes. A stream of texts like that suggests trouble, and users assumed her sister was angry, upset, or anxious, that she was in the middle of an argument or pathetically reaching out to a disinterested crush, desperate for a reply she’d likely never get.

When these stream-of-consciousness texts are unwelcome, they’re deemed a barrage of messages, sent by an inconsiderate spammer, who’s blowing up the other person’s phone. “We used to share a group chat with a friend, and she would send a lot of texts that were completely unrelated to whatever we were talking about,” Flores says. “It feels rude.” Flores is even more overwhelmed by her mother, with whom she co-runs a business: “‘This bill just came up,’ ‘I need a checkbook,’ ‘Can you call the landlord?’ Each text is a task, and getting that barrage is so stressful and overwhelming.” Even coming from someone you love, the ding, ding, ding of notifications can ruin your mood.

For 30-year-old Vi Dong, it’s a delicate balance: “I don’t mind neutral, trivial things, but I hate when people just text me whatever is going on in their life and just complain endlessly,” she says. “I also hate when someone hits me up with a nonsincere greeting, just to talk about themselves or complain more.” She notices that texts like these always come from people she’s not particularly close to, and that said people are often straight men. Her occupation — therapist — might play a role in how people approach her via text: “Which is why it bothers me more,” she adds. “I’m busy and listen to people’s problems all day already… Sorry if you thought I was going to give you a free trial, because IDGAF.”

Not too long ago, stream-of-consciousness texting would have been technologically and financially inconceivable. In 2005, the cost-per-text across all major carriers was around 10 cents; by 2008 it had doubled to 20 cents per text. Shrestha remembers learning how to text using a 12-key telephone keypad, where you had to press the 5 key twice to type in a “K.” She remembers how “everything changed once my mom got me an iPod.”

Each text is a task, and getting that barrage is so stressful and overwhelming.

Bronwen Wyatt, a 41-year-old pastry chef in New Orleans, remembers those early days. As soon as texting became more affordable, she imported her chatroom habits from Facebook Messenger and Instagram DMs into her messaging. “I remember that really opening up things,” she says, adding that now, “I definitely shoot off texts as soon as I think about them.” Interestingly, her brother, Colin Wyatt, 44, never made the leap. He started texting around 2005, and the flip phone keyboard taught him to keep things short and sweet. “Colin texts like he’s sending a telegram,” Bronwen says. Colin, a chef whose kitchen is increasingly staffed with 20-somethings, notices a major difference: “They send me texts in a much more casual and conversational way,” he says.

A lot of fuss has been made about Gen Z’s phone-call anxiety. Surveys have found that more than 60% of people aged 18 to 34 would rather text than call, but research is still too scant to confirm generational trends. Plus, texting is way more nuanced than that: Our styles are highly contextual, and prone to changing depending on who the receiver is, how close you are, the nature of the conversation, and even what time it is.

The right circumstance can turn anyone into a stream-of-consciousness texter. An unanswered text — for a few hours, or God forbid, a whole day — can trigger a swirl of anxiety and insecurity, turning an asynchronous form of communication into a heartbreak machine. A conversation can get off to an innocent start — you ask someone how their day went or check in on upcoming plans — and they’re slower than usual to respond. You worry something’s going on. You send more texts, keep thinking of reasons to follow up, more memes to share. Suddenly, your sister looks over your shoulder, and she thinks to herself, “She’s going through it.”

The right circumstance can turn anyone into a stream-of-consciousness texter.

In a 2021 Iowa Journal of Communication article, researchers analyzed existing studies on the topic, finding that “Texting — a relatively mundane activity on the surface — can cause significant strain within a relationship due to the potential hazards of miscommunication in just a split second of time.” After interviewing 42 college students, the authors found that texting’s promise of instant communication could easily turn into a “lack of privacy and the expectation to constantly be available for conversation.” The students liked how texting made them feel closer to their friends, but they didn’t like the pressure they felt to respond.

And sure, texting can be used like email, to send someone a short bit of information to be reviewed whenever they get to it. But it can also be used for real-time communication — which is what can make it so maddening. You never fully know if you’re being crazy or sensible for waiting around for a response. “In texting,” Shrestha explains, “the ball is in both your court and their court at the same time.”

And some people like it that way. To quote another viral tweet: “u just need 1 friend to text your entire stream of consciousness to.” With the right person, stream-of-consciousness texts read like an intimate play-by-play of the sender’s thought.

Perhaps the key is to accept how your friends text — to understand that even if you’re always on your phone, shooting off message after message, they might not be. And that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ignoring you. The authors of the Iowa Journal of Communications paper found that, in text conversations, “response timing largely depends on the context of the situation, as well as the nature of the perceived relationship to the sender,” but crucially, “individuals in close friendships or romantic relationships appear to be more accepting of responses that are not instantaneous.” The more substantial a relationship, the more resistant it is to the context collapse or miscommunications that plague texting. The benefit: “Frequent contact with others over text messages promote feelings of being loved, valued, and of being popular among (their) peer networks,” according to a 2012 paper about why teens care about texting.

To Flores, these findings ring true.“I don’t want to blow up someone’s phone or have a conversation on my own,” she explains, “but I don’t mind it when my friend does it.” And she likes knowing her friend is out there thinking about her. For her part, Shrestha keeps her egos and insecurities out of it. Pick a bone over a late reply or ignored text? “That would be like breaking up with your friend because they talk differently than you,” says Shrestha.