Don’t You Deserve A Rich Husband?

Bella, 26, went on a first date at the end of last year. After she put on a full face of makeup, styled her hair in a blowout, and selected a pair of heels, she sent him a text. “I was like, this is where I’m at and I’m ready whenever you want to send a car,” she says. He sent her a text back. “Haha. What?”

“How does he not know how this works?” she tells Bustle. “I let him know, I just assumed you were sending me a car, no worries if not. Which of course — worry.”

She found that reaction to be somewhat inconsiderate and ended up calling her own car. In person, he made a comment about her being a “princess.” The rest of the date was awkward. They didn’t go out again.

Bella learned to make this request from watching “dark feminine” creators like SheRaSeven and TheWizardLiz, who have gone viral on YouTube and TikTok over the past few years. They’ve amassed millions of followers (and sparked heavy discourse) for teaching women how to “level up” their dating lives by raising their standards, both monetarily and romantically. SheRaSeven’s catchphrase, “sprinkle sprinkle,” has garnered over 2 billion views on TikTok, and #thewizardliz has reached over 2.2 billion.

They’re leaders of a growing content genre that evangelizes one core message: Stop entertaining broke men. TikTokers Tiff Baira and Mimi Shou have gone viral for recommending the best places to meet rich, eligible bachelors in New York City (celebrity-studded hot spots Loosies and Zero Bond, plus the Tribeca Whole Foods). A slew of creators, from Anna Kai to Zamaria Thompson, explain how to identify red flags and lock down a man who can provide the lifestyle you want and deserve.

How “Dark Feminine” Creators Took The Internet By Storm

For many singles, modern dating is now an obstacle course of situationships, delusionships, and decision fatigue. Cuffing season is meme’d as a sport every year, and the golden age of dating apps is officially over. As of last year, there are more single women than ever before. These creators speak to women who date men and are disheartened by modern dating.

These influencers aren’t certified dating coaches or licensed therapists, but rather draw from personal experience. SheraSeven’s husband James is often featured as a recurring behind-the-scenes character, while TheWizardLiz often share mistakes she made in her past relationship. (Her current relationship status is unclear.)

More importantly, these women pull viewers in with their confidence and humor, peppering in quick comebacks and quips before driving home their points. They preach that if you value yourself, you should attach a high price tag to yourself, in terms of money, time, and a suitor’s emotional investment. The philosophy is that most (if not all) men are interchangeable, problematic, and take up too much emotional space for women who have been conditioned to navigate the world through the male gaze. They’re second to you, the goddess—heroine, on your blossoming emotional journey.

“I love how the focus for young women [in dating] has shifted to be about centering yourself,” Bella says. “Not what you can do for this man, but what this man can do for you. Like JFK said.”

“If you think you’re not deserving of certain things, other people will also think you’re not deserving of those things,” TheWizardLiz says from inside a sports car, wearing sunglasses and a trench coat. “I know women that get spoiled. I know women that are housewives. You know how they think? They think that’s the bare minimum. He should spoil me.”

Phrases like “high-value women,” “provider men,” and “hypergamy” have become common hashtags under videos flooded with commenters who are done with waiting around for a penniless, emotionally unavailable man to text them back.

“I love how the focus for young women [in dating] has shifted to be about centering yourself,” Bella says. “Not what you can do for this man, but what this man can do for you. Like JFK said.”

Dating Is Tough, But At Least You’ll Get A Chanel Bag

Katrina, 28, found TheWizardLiz when she was burned out on videos from perfectly polished white girls broadcasting their aspirational lifestyles. “It was interesting to see someone that looked like [TheWizardLiz], making videos about intrinsic confidence,” she says. “It still had a hot factor. But this was an element deeper. It was kind of like a Vogue Beauty Secrets for your soul.”

The content gave her confidence amid a slew of rejections in her dating life. “I feel like I would meet someone, fall head-over-heels for them, and be devastated when it didn’t work out,” she says. “To the point where I asked, is it me? Am I the problem?”

Particularly for women of color, dating can be an incredibly difficult thing to do. Black women and dark-skinned women face disproportionate discrimination on dating apps, and live in a world that is more likely to endanger and reject them — which can create a mentality where they ask for less. SheraSeven has made videos in the past addressing misogynoir in the dating world, but put the onus on women to “dress up” in order to “compete.”

“It sounds horrible and vapid, but if [dating is] going to be ripping through me in such a painful way, I may as well have a Chanel bag at the end.”

Katrina was comforted by seeing women who were unafraid to ask for what they wanted. “It shows you the value of asking for things, and knowing you deserve it,” she says. “It’s like, closed mouths don’t get fed.”

The philosophy was a game-changer for her. “When I was dating while very insecure and accepting almost everything, I was always so nervous and anxious. I was not the best version of myself. The little things people would do, I would overreact or overemphasize things I didn’t need to.”

Now, she listens to TheWizardLiz while she gets ready to go on dates “to remind herself of who she is.” She enters new situations feeling refreshed, grounded, and confident.

At the very least, this ideology is a salve. “It’s very ideal to think that love conquers all, but in my experience, I’ve learned that unfortunately it doesn’t,” Bella says. “It sounds horrible and vapid, but if [dating is] going to be ripping through me in such a painful way, I may as well have a Chanel bag at the end.”

Taking “Gold Digger” As A Compliment

Sometimes, finding a “provider man” isn’t necessarily about leveling up a tax bracket, but rather, seeking a match who shares your lifestyle. Marissa, 24, makes $200,000 annually, and says that money has always been a top priority for her when it comes to finding a long-term partner.

“If I want to date someone more seriously, I have to take into account where they are career-wise,” says. “For example, if we want to go on vacation, am I paying for the vacation, or are they unable to afford it?”

She’s dated men who have criticized her finances. “My parents pay half my rent, but [previous dates have made] belittling comments like, you make so much, you should be able to afford it on your own, that’s ridiculous,” she says. “I want a healthy, supportive relationship with someone, and trying to make me feel uncomfortable about money is not something I’m willing to get into.”

Although Marissa enjoys dark feminine content, she doesn’t consider herself to be a “gold digger” — a demographic she believes these influencers are targeting. She appreciates the girl- power messaging and recommendations for how to dress to attract wealthy men, but hasn’t fully bought into the philosophy. “The ‘juice him for as much as you can,’ that’s never resonated with me. The men that like that are red flags.”

Instead, she prefers men who are secure and generous. “I definitely like the idea of being wooed,” Marissa says. “I’d love to feel wanted by a guy that wants to date me and puts in an effort to show it.”

“[Being called a gold digger] is a compliment. Who wants to be a hard worker that doesn’t get any money from their man?”

Many dark feminine influencers often take shots at the men who label women gold diggers — “You should not be worried about gold diggers, you should be worried about being broke,” TheWizardLiz tells the critical men in her comments — while also embracing the term. In response to a commenter who called her a lazy gold digger, SheraSeven said, “That is a compliment. Who wants to be a hard worker that doesn’t get any money from their man?”

For some viewers, this wave of content has come at just the right time. Bella grew up preparing for her career, but graduated into an economically uncertain market, where working hours were long and the knife of layoffs roamed freely. The pandemic transformed the very idea of work, and the 2010s era of valorizing your career quickly soured. In the past few years, reproductive rights have been rolled back, the economy still feels uncertain, and layoffs loom. The gender pay gap has not seen much improvement over the years — women still earn 82 cents to every dollar a man earns, and the gap widens for women of color.

“If I, as a Latina woman, am outearning you as a man, you need to get it together,” Bella says.

Marrying for money now offers an alternate solution to hacking patriarchal capitalism. If you lock down a man who provides for you, these creators argue, you can achieve a soft life, an easy, visually aesthetic emergency escape from the hamster wheel of working overtime.

“Sometimes I myself kind of get trapped in [the appeal of soft life content],” Bella says. “I could marry into more money than I could ever obtain in my lifetime. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. But I’m doing all this work, and for what? I’m kind of still in the same position I was, because everything costs more.”

If nothing else, the dark feminine world reminds Bella and other followers to keep their standards high. She says, “All these women are so beautiful, smart, accomplished, fun, you name it. There’s just no reason to be ravaged by these dusty men who don’t know what they want.”