Humor
Want To Laugh? Here Are 122 Funny Jokes About Friends, Love, Money, & More
My internet went down yesterday. I think my cheap neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.
While we love a silly dad joke (who doesn’t?), fathers aren’t the only ones who can appreciate some cheeky puns and snappy one-liners. Everyone could use a good joke to lighten the mood every now and again. For instance: Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold. To follow that banger up, I was going to share a good umbrella joke, but those usually go over peoples’ heads.
If you were tickled by those corny little gags, you’re going to want to store the rest of these goofy numbers in your arsenal of jokes. If your stock of puns is looking slim, here are some good jokes to whip out for every occasion — and for every audience. Because if the goal is to crack smiles and elicit some wheeze-tastic belly laughs, you’ve got to tailor the jokes to your listeners.
Each of these wholesome zingers is certifiably clean and completely safe for work, but we’ve still gone ahead and broken them down for the different audiences that may be around you to ensure maximum giggles and joke landing rates. Good jokes for kids and good jokes for your uncle are probably not even on the same planet, so we’ve organized the best jokes for every type of person in your life below.
Good Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
- What's the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
- What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
- How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
- What do you call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
Good Jokes To Tell To Friends
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
- How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
- What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
Good Jokes To Tell At Work
- Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? Because he took a day off.
- Do you know what they say about a clean desk? It's a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- I told a joke during our video call today. It wasn’t even remotely funny.
- What's the best thing about teamwork? Someone else to blame.
Good Jokes To Tell To Parents
- What do parents want for Christmas? A silent night.
- You know you’re a parent when it takes three days to watch a 90-minute movie.
- I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a kid who would listen when I called her.
- I don’t know why people say having a dog prepares you for having a kid because my dog has never wanted to watch Frozen 47 days in a row.
Good Jokes To Tell To Kids
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll let it go!
- Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”
- Why is the ocean so clean? Because it has mer-maids.
Good Jokes To Tell To Teens
- Why do you always see teen girls in odd-numbered groups? Because they can’t even.
- Why does Snoop Dog use an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
- What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at school? It's OK, he woke up.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your coat on, it's chilly out.
Good Jokes About Sports
- Where does the majority of a hockey player’s salary come from? The tooth fairy.
- Why do basketball players love donuts? Because they dunk them.
- What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.
- Why are baseball games at night?The bats sleep during the day.
Good Jokes About Animals
- What kind of bird can lift the most? A crane.
- What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What do you call a cowardly dog? A golden retreater.
Good Jokes To Tell As Pickup Lines
- You look like someone I’d like to sit next to while scrolling on my phone.
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
- Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.
Good Jokes To Break The Ice
- Why are penguins socially awkward? They find it difficult to break the ice.
- Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
- What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
Good Knock Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of knock-knock jokes.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ya.Ya who? No thanks, I prefer Google.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!
Good House And Home Jokes
- Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house? The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
- Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second-hand bouncy house. But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
- What does a house wear? Address.
- How does the homeowner's association tell time? It checks its neighborhood watch.
Good Jokes About Neighbors
- My internet went down yesterday. I think my cheap neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.
- Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
- Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosey neighbors guessing.
- My neighbors said they wanted to talk to me about my bad home security habits. So I said, “Sure, my door is always open.”
Good Jokes About Money
- Why did the financial planner quit his job? Because he was losing interest.
- If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple payments.
- What did the comedian say when he walked into the bank? This is a stand-up.
- Did you hear about an ATM that got addicted to money? I heard it was suffering from withdrawals.
Good Jokes About Public Transportation
- Who earns a living by driving their customers away? A taxi driver!
- Ticket inspectors... you’ve got to hand it to them!
- I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. He told me it was hard to keep track.
Good Jokes About Buses
- Why shouldn’t you run in front of a bus? You’ll get tired.
- Why shouldn’t you run behind a bus? You’ll get exhausted.
- Why was the bus driver sad? Everyone was talking behind their back.
Good Jokes About Family
- What three words can solve all of Dad’s problems? “Ask your mother.”
- Dad told Mom he wanted to have us every other weekend. Mom reminded him that they were still married and he would have to see us every day.
- What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings? You’re adapted!
- What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot? Mitosis.
Good Jokes About Relationships
- I got lost in your eyes. However, I also always get lost in the mall, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.
- Relationships can be compared to a deck of cards. At first, you just need two hearts and a diamond to start. But as time goes by, you might find yourself wishing for a club and a spade.
- Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After a while, you get used to the temperature.
Good Jokes For Instagram Captions
- Stay strong, I whispered to my Wi-Fi signal.
- Instagram caption… currently loading.
- Do I run? Yeah, out of time and money.
- Friday, my second-favorite F word.
Good Jokes About Food
- What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
- What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon aid.
- Why did the tomato blush? It saw salad dressing.
Good Jokes About Coffee
- Why do I drink coffee? Because I like to do stupid things faster and with more energy.
- What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
- How does an IT guy drink coffee? He installs Java.
- What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you’ve been there before? Déja-brew.
Good Jokes About Science
- I was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, "Na."
- What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.
- Why are chemists excellent for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
- What does blood say when it's trying to be optimistic? B Positive.
Good Jokes About Skeletons
- What's a skeleton's least favorite room in the house? The living room.
- What do skeletons hate the most about the wind? Nothing. It goes right through them.
- Why did the awkward skeleton have trouble making friends? He had no social skulls.
Good Jokes About Working From Home
- Getting dressed for work is so stressful. Should I put on yoga pants or sweatpants?
- If you’re working on a desktop or laptop, make sure to put on a mask. You wouldn’t want to catch one of those computer viruses.
- I like to wrap myself in a blanket when I work from home. You could say I now work undercover.
Good Jokes About Planets
- What kinds of books do planets usually like to read? Comet books.
- How do you know that Saturn has been married multiple times? Because she has a lot of rings!
- When is the moon out of money? When it goes down to its last quarter.
Good Jokes About The Beach
- Why did the crab never share its toys at the beach? Because it was too shellfish.
- What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
Good Jokes About Plants
- What did one leaf say to another? “I'm falling for you."
- Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.
- What's a tree's least favorite month? Sep-timber!
Good Jokes About Math
- Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else.
- Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
- Why should you never talk to Pi? Because he’ll just go on forever.
- Why was the obtuse angle always so frustrated? It was never right.
- Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher told him not to use tables.
Good Jokes About Getting Older
- When you get older, your memory is the second thing to go. I don’t remember the first.
- What is a prize old people can win for aging? Atrophy.
- Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck…
Good Jokes About Summer
- What did the tree say when summer finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
- Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. He said his summer was pretty good too.
- Did you hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
- How many blueberries can you grow on a bush? All of them.
Good Jokes About Fall
- What do you call a small pepper in the fall? A little chili.
- How do you repair a broken jack-o’-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
- Why did the tree giggle? It heard acorn-y joke.
- Why are dads so good at fall puns? Because they’re so corny.
Good Jokes About Winter
- What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
- How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
- Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
Good Jokes About Spring
- It’s allergy season again? You’ve got to be pollen my leg.
- Why are waterbeds so bouncy? They’re filled with spring water.
- Which month of the year is the shortest? May. It only has three letters.
- What do you call an emergency in spring? May Day.
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