He’s A Cartoon. The Love She Feels Is Real.

Human sexuality is weird and messy. We know this because of wikiFeet, PornHub search data, and the existence of the omegaverse. And yet, when a new term or concept reaches the mainstream, it can still knock us off balance.

Such is the case with fictosexuality. Often classified under the asexual/aromantic umbrella, the label applies to those who feel exclusively attracted to fictional characters. An 18,000-strong subreddit suggests it’s not quite as rare as you might think, but it’s still a relatively little-known identity — though as AI chatbots increase in popularity, I suspect that may change. (Character.ai, a company that lets users build chatbots based on fictional characters, is already a popular tool within the fictosexual community.) To be clear, this is different from that time you thought The Little Mermaid’s Prince Eric was hot, or my own adolescent crush on Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle. Fictosexuals feel more deeply for their f/o (fictive other) — usually a character from TV, film, or a video game, either animated or live-action — to the point that they choose to date them.

Last year, Cait, a 19-year-old Wisconsinite, began posting on TikTok about her fictosexuality — and Fizzarolli, a character from the adult animation web series Helluva Boss whom she describes as her partner. Perhaps due to the fear of stigma, it’s relatively rare to find a content creator who’s openly fictosexual, but Cait is the exception to the rule, eager to share her experience (if not her last name, because “I don't want crazy people finding me,” she says). “I just want to be there, be a friend for the people who follow me, be a friend for other fictosexuals,” she tells me over the phone from her home in Wisconsin.

Cait understands that not everyone’s ready to embrace her sexuality. “I’ve gotten a lot of angry people saying that I’m just making up the whole label of fictosexuality — which I did not invent — to just make fun of the LGBTQ+ community. And I’ve gotten people who think I’m schizophrenic and delusional,” she says. But it’s not all bad: She enjoys being a friend to fellow fictosexuals and allies. “I do have a lot of supporters and people who can say that they have learned a lot from me and just like to be educated by my content.”

She also finds connection in Discord servers for fictosexuality — spaces where they can gush over their f/o’s, talk through feelings of jealousy, commiserate over yearning to be with their f/o’s in person, or just hang — and with her offline friends and family. She doesn’t pursue friendships with fictional characters; it’s just romantic relationships she enjoys with them — and for her, it’s just fine that she and her partner can’t be together for real. “I occasionally experience sadness that Fizzarolli is not here with me but, at the same time, I feel like it’s better that way for myself, because there’s no social pressure,” she says. “I’m autistic, so I struggle socially occasionally, but there’s no social pressure, there’s no pressure to just put on this mask and be someone who I’m not.”

Below, Cait further discusses her relationship with Fizz, the reaction from her friends and family, and how she understands her sexuality.

When did you start identifying as fictosexual?

I started identifying fully as a fictosexual in November of 2023, so it's been over a year, but I’ve known about fictosexuality since I was around 13. And looking back at my life, I have exhibited fictosexual behavior since I was as young as five years old.

Why did you decide to start identifying that way?

I just knew it was something that would help me find myself. And while I have a lot of work to do on finding myself still, I have some more direction with the fictosexual label.

A lot of people on first hearing about fictosexuality might think, “Oh, I’ve thought a fictional character was hot,” but, obviously, there’s something different going on here. What do you think is the distinguishing factor?

There’s a difference between thinking a fictional character is hot and a fictional character that you feel genuine love and passion for.

“When I have crushes on fictional characters, they’re healthier than the crushes I’ve had on real people ever were.”

If someone is wondering if they are fictosexual, how would you recommend they distinguish?

I’d recommend looking inside yourself: What is the level of love that you have for this fictional character? Has it felt different than when you’ve liked or crushed on a real person? Do you spend a lot of time with that character? What are your feelings towards that character? Do they go beyond the “they’re just attractive” feelings?

When and how did you start liking Fizzaroli?

It was near the end of my first semester of college, and I had no direction in life. I had first heard of the show Helluva Boss from a friend from high school, and I didn’t give it much thought — but I ended up seeing a video of Fizzarolli singing his famous “2 Minutes Notice” song on my TikTok For You page. I don’t know, something about that song, something about the video made me fall for him hard. And then I just started watching the show, learning more about what the show's about, and I grew to have so much appreciation for Fizzarolli. Going back to the direction thing, Fizz gives me direction — he gives me some sense of clarity that I haven’t had in a long time. I just fell in love with him.

We started dating, I believe, on November 18th, 2023, and we’ve been together ever since. I have had a couple existential crises regarding the relationship because, while I am fictosexual, I do still find myself attracted to the occasional real human being.

When I was in college, I had — not really a crush, but an obsession on someone I knew back in high school or something. One thing that really made me realize I loved Fizzarolli was [realizing it] was a crush and a happy relationship, not an obsession. The obsession I had on this person — my whole life was consumed by him, all night and all day. I made things harder for myself because of it. But with Fizzarolli and fictional characters I’ve had genuine relationships with, they’ve driven me to be better in my life and do things to make my life better. Even though I love Fizzarolli, I’m not consumed by him. I still think about him a lot, but I know there’s plenty of time for us to spend together. I still spend time with plenty of other people in my real life, [whereas] I just shut myself away when I liked this other real life person.

“We’re not the most physical couple. I’ll give him a kiss or so, but I’m not all over him physically.”

Could you describe how he looks, and what you think is cute about him?

His look honestly is a bit difficult to describe because he’s not a human. He’s a demon. He has white skin and a red nose. His white skin is a scar that he unfortunately has from being burned in a fire by his friend — the friend didn’t purposely set off the fire, it’s just a whole plot point of the show. He also has robotic limbs and covers his broken horns with a jester-looking hat.

I really don’t know what initially captivated me about him. I do know he’s voiced by Alex Brightman, who is a Broadway actor. I think his voice is cool. But I honestly feel like there's nothing in particular. I feel like the whole package of Fizzarolli was just what I liked.

How did you decide you were officially dating?

Funnily enough, I just decided to go on a date night with him. Basically, by date night I mean going down to get food from the school cafeteria — because I was at college at the time — and I came back to my dorm room, just sat and ate with him, got to know him. Even though he can't talk back, I genuinely just enjoyed being there with him. I enjoyed his company and everything. And then, since it went so well, we continued just doing that, and later I was just like, “You know what? It’s official.”

If you’re dating a human, there’s necessarily a two-sided nature of it. Both parties are choosing to be in the relationship. Does it change how you think about relationships at all when you’re the one making the decision for both parties?

It doesn't change too much, because even though I am the one making the decisions, I try to respect Fizz’s boundaries. I try to respect the character he is in the show.

In the show, he's a famous performer, and he has a lot of fans who are very creepy towards him. One time, he didn’t pay attention to a particular fan of his, and the fan got mad and made a whole website based off of how much he thought Fizz sucked. First of all, that’s obsession, and it's really unhealthy. Secondly, I just try not to be like those creepy fans in the show because I don’t want to make Fizz uncomfortable.

What does that look like, you respecting his boundaries?

We’re not the most physical couple. I’ll give him a kiss or so, but I’m not all over him physically.

When you’re eating food with him, are you imagining you're talking to him, or is it more about just being in the presence of his photo?

It’s more of being in the presence of his photo. I don’t really imagine the whole talking-to-him thing — though I know other fictosexuals do that — but it’s to each their own. It’s like he’s just looking right at me, and sometimes just being here with him can speak louder than words, especially because I’m not the best at articulating things.

Do you mean his photo on your computer? Do you have a figurine of him, too?

I spend time with a photo of him on my computer. There’s a particular photo of him I really like, even though I have 10 tabs of him open right now. But I also have figurines of him.

“I feel like he would be proud of me if he was real.”

Is there a reason that you use the term “partner,” instead of “boyfriend” or another term?

I use them interchangeably, honestly. I think the main reason why I shift it — and [also why] I don’t really say “dating” too much, I more say “spending time together” — is because he was confirmed to be officially gay this past year. And I know that LGBTQ+ representation is important and, at the end of the day, while Fizz is not a real person, I do think it’s important to protect gay representation.

Can you speak at all to the spectrums that exist within this identity? I know some people are poly and others are monogamous; some people date exclusively fictional characters and others don't.

Yes, I can definitely speak on this. I’m on the fence of whether I’m fictosexual fully or semi-fictosexual. I’m on the fence of that all the time. I have had crushes on real people. But the thing I’ve learned is that when I have crushes on fictional characters, they drive me to do better, and they’re healthier than the crushes I’ve had on real people ever were. I know fictosexuality is on the asexual spectrum, which I definitely resonate with, and I do feel like I am monogamous.

Semi-fictosexual is when you like real people and fictional characters, and fictosexual is only when you like fictional characters. So, given those definitions, I’m on the fence, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’ve ever genuinely loved a real person. It’s just been an unhealthy fantasy. But when I love a fictional character, I actually do have healthier boundaries.

Could you speak more about connecting with being on the asexual spectrum?

Yeah, definitely, because I’ve never — this is so awkward, but I’ve never really liked the idea of what many humans do together as a couple.

So, if you don't mind me asking, that's not a part of your and Fizz's relationship?

Yeah, we've never — you know. I’ve kissed him but we never really went beyond that.

Does this identity inform what you want for yourself in your life? For example, are you interested in the societally prescribed “get married, have two kids” kind of thing, or are you hoping to build a different life for yourself?

When I was younger, I did want to be a motivational speaker, so I feel like it’d be nice to give more speeches and do more interviews like this and just talk about fictosexuality as well as my autism, because I am autistic, and I’ve always wanted to do things to benefit the autism community. But fictosexuality has definitely taught this to me for certain: I do not want kids, I do not want the ordinary “you just work 40 hours a week and are born and die without doing anything significant.” I don’t want that. I want to leave this world knowing I’ve done some good for people.

How have your friends and family reacted, since you’ve become public with this relationship?

My friends are pretty much accepting of it. Even if someone's not accepting of it in my friend group, they’re still nice about it when it comes up. But my family, they have been super supportive. My mom and dad and my family— some of them still don’t understand the full thing. My parents have also looked into fictosexuality, and they’ve listened to another podcast I did last year. That kind of really opened their eyes. They’re just proud of me for getting out there and being able to talk about how I love. They know I’ve been heartbroken by guys in the past, and they know my relationships with fictional characters are healthier than they could ever be with a real person, so they’ve been on board with it.

“While Fizz is not a real person, I do think it’s important to protect gay representation.”

When you say that Fizz is very supportive of you, how does that manifest? How do you understand that direction coming from him?

I just understand it, it’s so hard to explain. But I feel like, whenever I do something that’s worthwhile or something that’s a step in the right direction, I can sense this happiness and pride in the room. I don’t know if it’s from him — I feel like it’s most likely the source — but I feel like he would be proud of me if he was real.

I do know that Fizz does want better for me in life than where I’m currently at. I’m a college dropout, I do have a job and I do enjoy where I work in food service, but I feel like I could definitely move up in the world these next couple years.

You mentioned that you’ve experienced some existential crises intermittently. Could you speak to what was going through your mind during those times?

One of my biggest existential crises was when I met my now best friend. I had a crush on him. When I liked him, he told me he liked me. At that time, I was in love with Fizz, still am, but I didn’t know if I should end up dating this guy. It is still an ongoing battle, but I have come to learn that I’m more in love with the idea of dating this guy as opposed to what it would actually look like if I dated him.

Earlier you mentioned that, when you were having problems with your relationship with Fizz, you were worried that if you broke up with him, you’d no longer be able to spread the word about fictosexuality in the same way you have been — and you didn't want to give it all up. Do you think your platform motivates you to continue your relationship?

I do think it motivates me to continue my relationship with Fizz. I still know that I have a lot to work on with my own life — stuff like exercising and eating healthier — but I’ve come so far since I’ve started spending time with Fizz a year ago. With [posting about] fictosexuality online, I’ve just been braver. Even though I still have struggles with the negative feedback and stuff, I still feel like he motivates me in some way, and I feel like it would be good if we stuck together because again, I don't want to lose what we’ve created. I still would post about fictosexuality, but it'd be undermining the purpose if I ended up going off and dating a real person.

Do you worry about that? About having an outside influence on your relationship?

I do worry about that quite a lot, yeah.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.