The New Rules For The Family Group Chat

The way you text your partner, your bestie group chat, and your family group chat are all wildly different. You might text in LMAOs to your girls while your mom is still trying to figure out what exactly each emoji means — Ma, if you’re reading this, 😂 is not meant for serious, sad occasions, OK?!

Between generational differences and the varying levels of technological know-how, these chats are bound to be messy. Some stick to threads with just their nuclear fams — parents and siblings — while others include cousins and partners, too. It’s important to stay connected, but family members may communicate differently over text so some things can get lost in translation.

We asked over 150 Bustle readers to tell us how their family group chats work. Besides the baby photos, Wordle scores, and asking “how long to cook salmon in a broiler,” there is some inevitable drama that pops up in family chats. And according to our readers, there are some etiquette guidelines that can be followed to avoid that conflict. Read on to learn what they are — and to hear the juicy stories that have emerged when rules are broken.

There Are Some “Happy Birthday” Politics

A “happy birthday” in the group chat doesn’t quite cut it anymore, according to 51% of our respondents. You don’t have to send every distant family member an individual message (assess your closeness to steer your choice), but you should pen something special individually for your parents and siblings.

Truthfully, though, you should probably give those closest to you a call, even if it’s brief, to share your birthday wishes. “My mother has a grudge against my brother because he only texted her ‘happy birthday’ in the family group chat and didn’t ‘care enough’ to pick up the phone and call her,” one respondent says. Don’t be that person!

Keep Your Significant Other Out Of The Chat

These days, reaching third base might as well be entering the family group chat. Nearly 62% of people say a sibling’s partner has never been given that honor. As one person says, “The family chat is sacred.” Still, only after an engagement or wedding will they typically get added to a shared chat — though likely not the one that is used most often. “Both my sibling and I are engaged, but we have separate family group chats with them,” one respondent says. Looks like entering the group chat is just as much of a commitment as marriage these days.

Don’t Panic Over Your Parents’ “Ok.” Text

This is simply a generational divide. Although nearly 29% of people think it sounds unintentionally mean, 61% of people say it’s just how their parents text. “I think it’s funny,” one person says. “Such a typical dad response.” Go ahead, laugh it off. OK?

Don’t Leave Your Family Hanging

Although it’s fine to leave your friends on read for a few hours, don’t use this same leisurely response time with your family — 47% of people say they will respond to everything in the family chat “most of the time.” It doesn’t take much time to say “congrats” to your newly engaged second cousin, or react to your stepmom’s picture of your dog using the laundry pile as a pillow — and you definitely don’t want a lag time if your parents get worried without regular “proof of life” texts.

Texts Don’t Replace Calls

While speedy responses are always appreciated, some subject matters — like good gossip or medical emergencies — should be strictly phone calls. A solid 50% of people are part of “texting families,” while others include phone conversations in their routines, too. “Text every day, call once a week,” one person says, while several said they sprinkle in FaceTime and video calls, too.

You Don’t Outgrow An “OMW To The Airport” Text

About 71% of people always send text updates for their travels — when they get to the airport, when they take off, and when they arrive at their destination. These logistics can be saved for the nuclear fam chat, though. Aunt Deb doesn’t need to know when you made it through Terminal C.

Your Dog Is Tearing The Group Chat Apart

Some families’ GCs stay drama-free and others, well, don’t. “My parents once sexted the family group chat,” one person says. “My sister broke up with her fiancé and removing him from the chat was a whole ordeal,” says another. But above all, the most common cause of group-chat-turned-IRL-drama is… the family dog.

“My dad gets offended when no one responds to his pictures of our dog, even when they’re a horrible pic of him or if he sends multiple,” one person says. And, even more, one said, “My dad gave my stepbrother the family dog when he moved to a retirement community and he lost it within five days.” Woof.

Divorced Parents & Blended Families Might Clog Up Your Inbox

In families with divorced parents, separate group chats reign supreme if there is some sustained drama between them. “Different chats for each side of the family,” one person says. “We do NOT blend the two.”

“Keep that ish separate,” another person says. But many note that there are some “very repetitive” group chats as a result of tricky family dynamics. “There’s the main immediate family group chat, the sibling group chat, the group chat with all the spouses, the group chat without that one spouse everyone knows is a mistake, the group chat without the one sibling who’s 23 and being annoying,” one person says.

Voice Memos Are Too Gen Z For The GC

Only about 5% of people said they’ve ever sent a voice memo to the fam chat. “I would be astonished if my parents knew how to use this feature,” one person wrote, and the majority of people agree — their ‘rents simply wouldn’t know how to listen to a voice note and more so would have no idea how to respond with one. “My parents would just blast it on speakerphone no matter where they're at,” one respondent says, which is equally hilarious and horrifying to picture. All in all, “it seems like a younger generation thing,” so go ahead and save the personal podcasts for your Gen Z younger sister.