Humor
147 Corny Jokes That'll Make Pun Lovers Laugh
How does a computer get tipsy? It takes screenshots.
Why do melons get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe. If you’re a fan of corny jokes, that’s what you would call a certified knee-slapper. Simple one-liners, quirky dad jokes, and wholesome puns may not be the most elaborate or high-stakes of comedy (OK, no one’s getting any Netflix specials here), but they’ll consistently earn a giggle or two.
In fact when it comes to corny jokes, the cheesier, the better. If it’s intentionally stale, you might as well go all out on the silly goofy of it all, right? At least that seems to be the case with snack jokes like Laffy Taffys and Popsicle sticks — see: “What doesn’t get wet when it rains? A towel,” courtesy of the former, and, “What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer,” of the latter. Are they “good” jokes? Debatable. Were they just as exciting to read as the treat was to eat? Absolutely.
These corny jokes are for everyone: adults, kids, teens, and tweens alike can all appreciate a good old comedic dud, at least in one way or another (the teen may just appreciate laughing at the joke teller and not necessarily the joke itself, but that’s neither here nor there).
You always know the punchline will make you groan, yet you can’t wait to hear it anyway — and trying to guess it is truly half the fun. They’re like little riddles that, no matter how ridiculous, will always offer a boost of dopamine when you guess them right. That’s the beauty of a corny joke’s simplicity: They’re going to boost your mood, even if for just a fraction of a second, and even if the punchline is a total flop. Here are some of the best corny jokes that may actually make you laugh.
Funniest Corny Jokes
- Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
- What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
- Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
- Where did George Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Cringiest Corny Jokes
- What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
- Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Worst Corny Jokes
- What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
- What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
- What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner."
- What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired? Oh, snap.
Best Punny Corny Jokes
- Why shouldn’t you trust artists? Because they can be sketchy.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
- Why shouldn’t you marry a calendar? Because it’s days are numbered.
Corniest Corny Jokes
- How many landlords does it take to fix a lightbulb? None, also she won’t fix the sink.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.
- A woman at the bank asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
- A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
Corny Jokes About Animals
- Why does the seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay then it would be called a bagel.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
- How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
- Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Corny Jokes About Work
- What’s a computer’s favorite snack during office hours? Microchips!
- Why was the printer always running late? Because it had too many paper jams.
- I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and the boss said, yes, if I made up the time. I said, "Sure, it's half past 14."
- I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
Corny Jokes About Food
- What do you call a nosy pepper? One who's jalepeño business.
- How do you make an eggroll? You push it.
- Once I ate at a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.
- I’ve got a joke about a tortilla but I think it might be a little too corny.
Corny Jokes About Sports
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
- Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball!
- What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
Corny Jokes For Kids
- Why did the stoplight turn red? Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the street!
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
- What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
Corny Jokes For Teenagers
- How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
- What is that one thing that you can never throw but always catch? It’s your breath.
- Why do pimples make the worst kinds of prisoners? Because they keep breaking out all the time!
Corny Jokes About Relationships
- How are relationships like algebra? Because you look at your X and wonder Y.
- Why should you never laugh at your spouse’s choices? You’re one of them.
- My spouse and I were happy for 24 years. Then we met.
- My husband cooks for me like I’m a god: by placing burnt offerings before me every night.
Corny Proposal Jokes
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
- A man at the gym proposed to his weight partner. She said no. It's safe to say it didn't work out.
- Why does a marriage proposal always sound good? Because it's got a nice ring to it.
- What do you call a criminal’s proposal? A fell-on-knee.
Corny Jokes About Weddings
- Two radios got married. The reception was amazing.
- Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
- What an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- Last week I went to the wedding of two nuclear power workers. The groom was glowing, and the bride was positively radiant.
Corny Jokes About School
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
- Did you hear about the math teacher that plowed a field? He used a pro-tractor.
- Why is arithmetic so heavy? Because you have to carry numbers all day.
- What school is the friendliest one? A “Hi” school.
Corny Jokes About Pop Culture
- What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry? 58!
- What did JAY Z call his wife before they got married? Feyoncé.
- Why did Snoop Dogg shake his soda before opening it? Fo' fizzle.
- Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.
Corny Jokes About Space
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt? It’s a big waist of space.
- Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel on the moon? Because it was full.
Corny Ocean Jokes
- What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- Why do scuba divers fall backward out of the boat? Because otherwise, they’d fall into the boat!
- What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved!
Corny Science Jokes
- I lost an electron. You really have to keep an ion them!
- I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down!
- Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.
- Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Corny Jokes About Haircuts
- How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
- Barber: Would you like a haircut? Dad: No, I’d like them all cut!
- What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut? A barberqueue!
- Why was everyone keeping their food on my friend’s head? He had got a bowl cut!
Corny Jokes About Weather
- What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunder pants!
- What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
- What did one hurricane say to the other hurricane? I’ve got my eye on you.
- What happens when winter arrives? Autumn leaves.
Corny Jokes About Numbers
- What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt."
- Why is the number nine so sassy? Because she can’t even!
- What do you call numbers that are always on the move? Roamin’ numerals.
- How do you make seven even? Take away the S!
Corny Jokes About Family
- Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- How do you make anti-freeze? Take away her blanket.
- Sweater: Something you wear when your mom gets cold.
Tricky Corny Jokes
- What month of the year has 28 days? All of them.
- What’s always in front of you but can’t be seen? The future.
- What two things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
- What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Corny Jokes About Fairy Tales
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
- How did you get into my house, Beast? Door, Belle.
- What was Pinocchio doing on the beach? Lying.
- Why does Goldilocks go around in circles? She always goes just right.
Corny Jokes About Love
- What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.
- Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll dessert you.
- What does a ghost call his true love? His ghoul-friend.
- What did the patient with a broken leg say to his doctor? “I have a crutch on you.”
Corny Dentist Jokes
- When's the best time to visit the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
- What award did the dentist win? A little plaque.
- My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?” I told him I drink it.
- What did the dentist say to the tooth when he had to leave the room? I’ll fill you in when I get back.
Corny Jokes About Doctors
- What happens when doctors get mad? They lose their patients.
- Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
- I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
- I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says it’s terminal.
Corny Jokes About Computers
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
- When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
- How does a computer get tipsy? It takes screenshots.
- Why shouldn’t you use “beef stew” as a computer password? It’s not stroganoff.
Corny Jokes About Cars
- What do you call an automobile filled with water? A car-pool.
- Half of all Chevy trucks ever made are still on the road today. The other half made it home.
- I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
- When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway.
Corny Jokes About Technology
- The iPad and the internet split up. There were way too many problems issues with their connection!
- Why did the YouTube video get in trouble? It was framed!
- How does a laptop take a selfie? It presses Ctrl + Alt + Delete and winks!
- Why was the Instagram story embarrassed? It unintentionally shared too much!
- Why did the iPhone wear glasses? It lost all its contacts!
Corny Jokes About Coffee
- Why was the coffee bean upset? He got roasted at the shop this morning.
- Why did the coffee break up with the tea? It wasn’t a great blend.
- What did the coffee lover say to their crush? "You mocha me so happy!"
- What did the coffee lover say to their spouse? “I love you a latte”
- How do you know when your coffee is in a bad mood? When it’s steaming.
Corny Jokes About Fashion
- What did one fedora say to its friend? "You stay put, I'll go on ahead!"
- Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of jeans!
- Why was the sock so upset? It had too many holes in its life.
- How do you get a shoe to come out of its shell? You have to find its sole!
- How does a tie greet you? With a bow!
Corny Jokes About Beauty
- Why did the beauty queen refuse to play hide and seek? Because good looks always find a way to stand out!
- What do you call a really good looking pumpkin? Gourd-geous!
- How does a vampire make sure their makeup stays perfect? They always count on a little bat-tery power!
- Why did the makeup products go to therapy? They needed some foundation repair!
- Why did the eyeshadow never get into arguments? It always saw the other side!
- Why did the mascara go to school? To brush up on its skills!
Corny Jokes About Being Single
- What did the single grape say? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
- Why did the single woman throw out her calendar? She couldn’t find a single date.
- Why did the single guy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
- Why did the woman want to date a cashier? They’re always checking her out!
- Why did the single tomato refuse to go on a date? It couldn't ketchup with its schedule!
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