In Defense Of Canceling Plans At The Last Minute

There is no relief like the kind that washes over my entire body and soul as I cancel plans. The moment I admit to myself (and my friends) that I don’t want to go out is the moment I morph back into my truest form. The jeans come off, the hair goes up, and I get to mercifully fall back onto my couch — where I wanted to be all along.

If you were to ask an etiquette expert, they would say that a plan is a plan and it’s absolutely terrible if you don’t follow through. Society frowns upon canceling plans, especially if you do it at the last minute. But I’d like to argue that it’s almost always a good idea.

When you think about it, it’s weird that we focus on staying true to our word versus showing up as the best version of ourselves and actually being good company. Even if you promised to meet your friends for dinner, is it really worth it to go if you’re exhausted, it’s pouring rain, or you’re doubled over with period cramps? I’d say not. At that point, you’re just going through the motions.

IMO, there’s no excuse too small to bail out at the last minute, and sometimes it’s even the more polite thing to do. Here’s why:

1. Almost everyone feels a rush of relief when a cancellation text lights up the group chat. We’re all secretly hoping someone else will back out first, so go ahead and be the hero we all want and deserve.
2. Nothing is more fun than staying in. Sure, it may be ~cooler~ to go out and take tons of pics at a party, but is it more enjoyable than watching movies with your dog? No.
3. Canceling saves time and energy. Think of all the effort you and your friends would have to expend by schlepping to a venue. Backing out means you get to scrap it all and relax.
4. It saves money. No girl math required.
5. Making plans always seems like a great idea in the moment, but when the day arrives it only ever feels like a hassle. We’re all in our bed rot era, after all.
6. You can always reschedule.
7. Sometimes you just aren’t feeling social, and that’s OK. Your real friends will understand.

The only time I can see pushing through is if you’re the maid of honor at a wedding or if it’s somebody’s birthday. If you have a major obligation or people are relying on you and you alone, then you should probably grit your teeth and stick to the plan. (Or, at the very least, cancel with a little more notice.)

The jeans come off, the hair goes up, and I get to mercifully fall back onto my couch — where I wanted to be all along.

As a major people pleaser, it’s taken me forever to get to the point where I’m OK with canceling plans. If you don’t want to go out, I certainly don’t want to make you, so this goes both ways. In fact, I think it’s amazing when people admit that they’d rather stay home. My friend group loves to cancel on each other, and we’ve all bonded over it.

I also knew I was onto something when my TikTok algorithm figured out that I’m a fan of canceling. Turns out there’s a whole community of introverts online that expound on the virtues of canceling plans so you can stay in. If you find yourself waffling or wavering — or maybe even gently sobbing — as you get ready to go out, I truly believe you should do everyone a favor and cancel.