25 Songs From The Real Housewives Universe, Ranked

The list of real pop royalty is small but mighty: Madonna. Britney Spears. Beyoncé. Taylor Swift. The Real Housewives.

OK, that last one might be a reach, as none of Bravo’s stars actually measure up to the Queen of Pop. But the Housewives who have used their reality TV platform for good (i.e., recording dance-pop jams) have provided over a decade of laughs, memes, and escapism for fans.

Real Housewives songs have created the franchise’s most iconic and hilarious moments, and their impact has lasted longer than anyone expected. Just look at Countess Luann de Lesseps’ “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” which UberEats remixed for their holiday campaign 13 years after the song was released.

In celebration of their music’s enduring legacy, it’s time to rank the many Housewives songs that have come out of the Bravoverse. To pull off this insurmountable task, some guidelines must be set.

Only songs that are prominently featured on or clearly inspired by the shows will be counted, meaning tracks released before the artist’s Bravo show existed will not be allowed (if they were, Kandi’s “Don’t Think I’m Not” would win). They must have been released on a streaming platform, which means the two RHOC rock bands and Kim Zolciak’s “Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing” aren’t eligible, with one exception (more on that later).

There’s a limit of three songs per person. Cast members from the Housewives universe as a whole, including families and friends, are permitted — because what would Bravo be without the talents of Vanderpump Rules’ Scheana Shay?

These songs will be ranked on a chaotic scale of “so bad it’s good” to “legitimately great” in a few cases. Without further ado, here’s the completely objective and definitive ranking of every major Real Housewives song to date.

25. Simon van Kempen, “I Am Real”

Best Lyric: “What you see is what you get, and don’t you get me yet.”

The Real Housewives of New York alum Alex McCord’s husband is the only “Househusband” to record their own song thus far, and just as you hoped, it’s a campy disaster.

24. Gretchen Rossi, “Revelation”

Best Lyric: “I bet you're gonna hear this on the radio.”

Gretchen of The Real Housewives of Orange County debuted “Revelation” at a nondescript West Hollywood nightclub, which is the best place for this song. The lyrics are indecipherable, and the auto-tune is excessive, but that beat would slap on a dance floor.

23. Shereé Whitfield, “Who Gon’ Check Me, Boo”

Best Lyric: “Thinking that you’re hotter, that’s straight foolery.”

For no explicable reason, Atlanta housewife Shereé turned one of her most iconic quotes into a rap banger. The lyrics don’t make sense, and her flow is nonexistent. But if it catches you in the right mood, you’ll enjoy it.

22. Drew Sidora, “Already Know”

Best Lyric: “Got him wheezin’ like he asthmatical.”

Drew’s ex-husband Ralph Pittman on The Real Housewives of Atlanta produced this song and put himself on the single cover, which just about says it all.

21. Danielle Staub, “Real Close”

Best Lyric: “When all my dreams get shattered, and I seem to lose it all.”

The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Danielle created this love song with rumored ex Lori Michaels, and it just might be the most versatile Housewives single. The ballad version and dance mix were hilariously performed on local news shows and Watch What Happens Live.

20. Adriana de Moura, “Fyah”

Best Lyric: “In the gallery of life, I’m a masterpiece.”

A decade after releasing her first single, Adriana hopped back into the studio to record “Fyah,” a Latin-inspired ode to Miami. It doesn’t reach the heights of her debut, but even her current enemy Alexia Echevarria can’t help but stan.

19. Kim Zolciak, “Google Me”

Best Lyric: “My name is Kim Zolciak, you can find me on your TV screen.”

Perhaps the most considerate song a Housewife has ever made, RHOA’s Kim decided to record a handy instruction guide on how to use Google. We should be so grateful.

18. Kenya Moore, “Gone With the Wind Fabulous”

Best Lyric: “Don't get hurt, I'm fabulous.”

Kenya’s only song to date is a much better example of how to turn an iconic RHOA quote into an enjoyable bop, complete with a low-budget video that sets a new standard.

17. Candiace, “Insecure” (feat. Trina)

Best Lyric: “I'm not used to dealing with a b*tch.”

Candiace Dillard Bassett from The Real Housewives of Potomac majorly upped her style and visual game with “Insecure,” with clever nods to early ’00s R&B. While the song isn’t quite as catchy or outlandish as the best Bravo songs, she deserves props for being the only Housewife to land an A-list feature.

16. Erika Jayne, “How Many F*cks?”

Best Lyric: “What'd you just say, my friend? Money's making me deaf.”

For her first single after joining Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Erika crafted one of her catchiest hooks ever and a mantra to live by. Given her onscreen persona, no Housewife has ever taken their song more literally.

15. Kandi, “Fly Above”

Best Lyric: “Drama comes along with the bread, I cake up.”

There’s no denying that Grammy-winning Kandi Burruss of RHOA is the most musically talented Housewife, which is why this may feel like a low ranking for her. “Fly Above” is catchy, but not nearly as much fun as the Housewives songs that don’t take themselves as seriously.

14. Scheana Shay, “What I Like”

Best Lyric: “Can you freak, b*tch?”

Scheana had one of the most iconic music debuts on Bravo, performing at a famous LA club (The Roxy) with nothing but a tutu, auto-tune, Ariana Madix as a dancer, and Stassi Schroeder watching in disgust. “What I Like” was worthy of this historic occasion.

13. Porsha Williams, “Flatline”

Best Lyric: “I raise myself for the numb that show me to come when love has no pulse.”

“Flatline” proves that RHOA’s Porsha “265 days a year” Williams has one of the better voices in the Bravoverse, with enough melodrama and hooks to get stuck in my head.

12. Milania Giudice, “Can't Wait to Grow Up”

Best Lyric: “Mama said it ain’t easy, but I don’t care, so what?”

Teresa Giudice’s daughter has been a RHONJ scene-stealer with her sassy one-liners alone. At 14, Milania upped her game with a song that’s as catchy, joyous, and nonsensical as any track a Bravo star has made.

11. Countess Luann, “Feelin’ Jovani”

Best Lyric: “Hell with countess, now I’m queen.”

On RHONY, Dorinda Medley interrupted Luann’s cabaret to loudly plug Jovani, the designer behind her co-star’s gowns. But Luann really put them on the map with her funk-infused banger, turning heckles into history in a tongue-in-cheek way.

10. Ashley Darby, “Coffee & Love”

Best Lyric: “Mickey Darby and Ashley will never stop.”

No Housewives song has aged as badly as 2018’s “Coffee & Love,” a cheery and romantic ode to Ashley’s husband Michael — from whom she’s now separated. She even got her brother to rap on the track. But that cringe-worthy verse, mixed with those sparkling dance beats, is exactly what makes it so great.

9. Melissa Gorga, “On Display”

Best Lyric: “You keep watching, I'll keep glowing, that’s what I'll do for you.”

Melissa had the audacity to record a song about getting overwhelming public attention well before anyone knew who she was, and it paid off. “On Display” has one of the catchiest hooks-turned-life mantras, and remains her most valuable contribution to the Real Housewives franchise.

8. Gia Giudice, “Waking Up in the Morning”

Best Lyric: “I am worrying and worrying, I just can not... get rid of this.”

This song is the exception to our rules, as it arguably had more cultural impact than most of this list. A 10-year-old Gia sang this devastating RHONJ ballad to her mom Teresa and uncle Joe Gorga in an earnest plea to mend fences, and it was never sung again. Ten years later, you can’t go on TikTok without hearing her tearful voice soundtracking minor inconveniences. Now that’s a true pop icon.

7. Adriana de Moura, “Feel the Rush”

Best Lyric: “Living like Dolce Vita, I'll be your mamacita.”

To this day, Adriana is the only Housewife who has the honor of singing a Housewives show’s theme song, and for good reason. “Feel the Rush” captures the vibrance, glamour, and absurdity of Miami’s cast.

6. Countess Luann, “Money Can’t Buy You Class”

Best Lyric: “You can tell where someone's been without even asking him, he’s either rude or has some style and panache.”

“Money Can’t Buy You Class” embodies Countess Luann’s persona. It’s her book on manners put to music, as Luann sing-talks you through living your most luxurious life. Her songs only got more chic and camp with time, but her debut will always be most worthy of her royal title.

5. Erika Jayne, “XXpen$ive”

Best Lyric: “Looking at me like snack, snack.”

Most fans say they want to see obscene wealth on the Real Housewives. “XXpen$ive” personifies that desire musically, as Erika unapologetically flaunts her cars, couture, and glam squad with great flow.

4. Scheana Shay, “Good As Gold”

Best Lyric: “I’ll open Pandora’s Box for you.”

At BravoCon, I paid $50 for Scheana’s “Good As Gold” vinyl. Yes, it was gold. Yes, it included a screamo remix of the dance-pop jam for no apparent reason. No, I don’t regret it. If fans buying a $50 vinyl of one song en masse doesn’t signify what a bop this is and the legacy it’s built, nothing will.

3. Countess Luann, “Chic, C’est La Vie”

Best Lyric: “Beauty, class, and eleGANCE lie within the soul.”

Luann bragging about her fabulous jet-setting lifestyle over slick dance beats, complete with a French chorus and RHONY name-drops, has become the archetype of a Housewives song. It even inspired parodies on Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock (which was ironically sung by future Housewife Denise Richards).

2. Candiace, “Drive Back”

Best Lyric: “Got me pissed off from my head down to my shoes.”

“Drive Back” belongs on 2000s R&B radio, hitting the nostalgic sweet spot with refined songwriting, impressive vocal runs, and an anthemic chorus worthy of the Bravo award it won. Mia Thornton may have called the video “low-budget,” but the whole affair feels more luxe and expensive than most Bravo songs to date.

1. Kim Zolciak, “Tardy for the Party”

Best Lyric: “Drop that top, yeah, it’s my world.”

Zolciak and Kandi started the Housewives music catalog with “Tardy for the Party,” and nobody has beaten it since. It has all the hallmarks of a classic Housewives song: bouncy dance synths, excessive auto-tune, Grammy-worthy lyrics, Razzie-worthy lyrics, years of ensuing lawsuits, and an awkward performance with cast reactions that have become memes. Bravo fans will be singing that catchy hook for decades.