The Real Housewife’s Guide To Becoming A Problematic Fave

One of the best things about the Bravo fandom is that everyone has Real Housewives they love and others they hate, and each person’s list is different. For example, I hate New Jersey’s Teresa Giudice with the power of a million billion suns, but the legions of “Tre Huggers” blast me whenever I speak ill of her or her new husband online. I’ve also spent the last several years defending Beverly Hills’ Erika Jayne, even though the online mob was upset about the “widows and orphans” that her ex-husband stole money from. (She’s not guilty of his crimes, you haters!)

But what happens if your favorite does something really hideous? Or what about the Housewives who are great at their jobs — like, say, a Kenya Moore or a Tamra Judge — even if you can’t stand them?

They may have earned the revered distinction of “problematic fave,” people we cherish even though there’s no way we’d ever want to be in business with them, sit next to them at a dinner party, or, God forbid, attend one of their million Gatsby-themed parties.

Being a problematic fave requires navigating a difficult balancing act: Stir up drama, but not too much; be a little out there, but not in the wrong way; come for people when merited, but not so much as to get a villain edit. Most importantly, the problematic fave must avoid being actually problematic and must never be suspected of using racist language or for other infractions that would get you canceled (cough, Ramona Singer; cough, LeeAnne Locken; cough, Brandi Redmond). This is fun shade. Not mean shade.

Last month, I conducted an informal Twitter poll, and folks seem to pretty much agree on a list of problematic faves. (True stans know when their favorite girlies need a qualifier before earning a gold star.)

Based on those responses, I put together an entirely objective, absolutely scientific, impossible-to-dispute — though you’ll do it anyway — guide to earning the title.

1. Start As A Favorite

The trajectory from being a favorite to being problematic is much easier to achieve than its opposite. Long before Erika Jayne was shouting at her castmates for bringing up her legal troubles, she changed the game for all Housewives with her heightened fashions and traveling glam squad, and won over fans with her outrageous music videos — giving the gays everything they wanted. Potomac’s Monique Samuels had more amusing pets and children than we could count (RIP T’Challah), but as soon as she laid her hands on Candiace Dillard Bassett, fans had to acknowledge she had a dark side.

2. Don’t Do Something You Can’t Come Back From

Problematic faves are inherently extreme people, so they’re often in danger of going so far they find themselves entirely off the show. Dallas’ LeeAnne Locken got done in for racist language. Beverly Hills’ Brandi Glanville might have sexually harassed her way out of being on Bravo ever again. Atlanta’s Phaedra Parks has some of the most incisive and hilarious quips and monologues in the business, but she did Kandi Burruss bad when she lied about Kandi attempting to rape Porsha Williams. (Thank the Bravo gods for Married to Medicine, which brought Phaedra back six years later.)

3. Be On The Right Side Of History

There’s a little something I like to call Brandi Glanville Curse. Brandi was always the right one in a fight, even after she started calling women C-words and throwing F-bombs. Just think about when the sisters Richards attacked her at Dana Pam’s haunted game night during Season 2 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Did Brandi go too far by accusing Kim of being on crystal meth? Yes. But she wasn’t totally off-base. (Even if Kim wasn’t on meth, she sure was wasted.) Nothing excuses assholism like being right. Other people stricken with this disease include Orange County’s Kelly Dodd and Salt Lake rookie Monica Garcia.

4. Know How To Read

I don’t mean the kind of reading Lea Michele supposedly can’t do, but rather the ability to mask something true and mean with humor. Do I hate it when Candiace makes fun of her castmates’ bodies or ages? Yes. Do I also laugh when she says “Not today, Neck. Not today, Ankles” when talking about Gizelle Bryant? Also yes. See also Miami’s Adriana de Moura, who never should have brought up poor Frankie’s accident during a girls trip last season (problematic!) but whose outlandish letter to Marysol Patton’s liver was instantly iconic.

5. Do Something Unexpected

This one is for Camille Donatacci Grammer Meyer. She was the ultimate villain at the beginning of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but she turned it around in Season 2 thanks to a renewed perspective and, crucially, by bringing some domestic violence to light. She was no longer just a shrugging villain calling people “pernicious”; she was now a truth-teller willing to risk it all to get her friend some help. Viewers latched onto her iconic recovery and were willing to overlook some questionable politics.

6. Keep It Off Camera

The best thing that ever happened to Beverly Hills’ Kathy Hilton was that cameras never caught her allegedly screaming at a DJ in Aspen last season, and then ranting about her sister Kyle and her family. Had that aired, everyone would’ve had to reconsider the franchise’s favorite wacky aunt. Instead, fans get to remember “Who’s Hunky Dory?” and “I’ve worked with the homeless; I’ve worked with the toothless.”

7. Be An OG

The first wave of Housewives get more passes than the newbies. Maybe it’s because we’re used to their unbelievable antics, or maybe it’s because they set the rules by which all the other women are still playing. I’m thinking of people like Ramona Singer, Countess Luann (um, remember her Diana Ross costume?), NeNe Leakes, Danielle Staub, Vicki Gunvalson, Alexia Nepola, and their ilk. Because they were first, they will never really be wrong to us, no matter what they do. Well, except maybe Ramona.

8. Prison Could Earn You Sympathy Votes

Despite how much I loathe her, Teresa Giudice is still just as popular as she’s ever been, despite her prison time. Bravo kept her job on The Real Housewives of New Jersey waiting, and fans kept a warm spot in their hearts for her when she “went away,” despite her confession to committing a number of crimes. I have a feeling that one of Salt Lake’s most notorious could walk a similar path in seven years (five with good behavior).

9. Never Apologize

Salt Lake’s Mary Cosby is not sorry that she said Heather Gay looked inbred. Atlanta’s Kenya Moore is not sorry that she ruined Marlo Hampton’s wig launch by arriving with a marching band, which chanted the name of Kenya’s rival hair care brand. New Jersey’s Danielle Staub is not sorry she pulled Margaret Josephs’ hair. And Miami’s Larsa Pippen is not sorry she told everyone about Guerdy Abraira’s cancer diagnosis. Problematic faves will stand in their truths. If they acknowledge they did something wrong, fans might start to think they did something wrong, and we can’t have that, can we?

10. Be Lisa Barlow

I’m not entirely sure why she’s problematic or how she became a fave, but Ms. Baby Gorgeous tops both categories without even trying.