Meghan Trainor Says Her Panic Disorder Brought Her To A “Dark Place”

Meghan Trainor may be thriving right now, but it’s been a long and bumpy road to get here. In People’s new cover story, the “All About That Bass” singer spoke candidly about the panic disorder that she experienced just a few years after the release of her debut single. The pop star told the magazine that she had her first panic attack in 2016 while presenting the Grammy nominees with Gayle King on CBS This Morning. “I was announcing the nominees, and I was vibrating,” she recalled. “I felt like I was going to pass out on live television.”

Trainor said that, at the time, it felt like she was “dying.” And when the producers finally said “cut,” she said she was “[gasping for air] in front of everyone” and had to cancel her other commitments for that day. While the experience certainly wasn’t a pleasant one, it brought her and King closer together. “Gayle was my email buddy after that and always checked in on me,” she said. “I was so embarrassed and apologized, but she made everything so much better for me. She’s an angel on this earth.”

Months later, Trainor experienced another episode, which was prompted by the fear that she would never sing again after undergoing a second surgery for vocal cord hemorrhaging. “I was in a dark place,” she continued. “I had everything I wanted — I had the love of my life — but mentally and physically I felt ill.” Trainor, of course, was referring to her relationship with Spy Kids actor Daryl Sabara. The two began dating in 2016 and officially tied the knot two years later. In February 2021, the couple welcomed their first child together, a son named Riley.

For a while, the “No” singer was looking for answers for her physical symptoms without realizing that they were indicative of a panic disorder. “Some nights I remember I ate a bunch of food, then I got scared, and I was like, ‘I need to go to the emergency room because I’m allergic to what I just ate,’” she recalled. “The doctor came in, looked really sad, and was like, ‘Have you ever heard of a panic attack?’ I was like, ‘No, no, no, I’m having an allergic reaction. If you just look in the back of my throat, it’s closing.’ That was my first lesson on what a panic attack can do to you.”

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, panic disorders can cause a variety of physical symptoms that some people may confuse for something else. A racing heart, sweating, chills, trembling, breathing problems, weakness or dizziness, tingly or numb hands, chest pain, stomach pain, and nausea are all symptoms that one might experience while having an episode. Fortunately, Trainor began to feel better once she started seeing a psychiatrist, who treated her depression, anxiety, and panic attacks with medication and therapy.

“With the panic [attacks], you literally feel like you’re vibrating nonstop,” she said. “But everything just got quiet, and I was back to my normal self.” She also told the magazine that, per her doctor’s recommendation, she continued taking antidepressants throughout her pregnancy. “I’m not ashamed to say I’m on antidepressants,” she revealed. “That medicine saved me, saved my life, saved my career.”

Trainor’s career is certainly bustling. The pop star is currently the co-host of Peacock’s Top Chef Family Style, and she’s also a judge on Clash of the Cover Bands, which is set to premiere on E! in October. She’s also working on new music and is scheduled to release a deluxe version of her holiday album, A Very Trainor Christmas, late next month. “I’m back better than ever,” she told People. “I’m in the best place of my life.”