Joan Vassos Wasn’t Sure She'd Finish Her Golden Bachelorette Season

If any other reality star offered her romantic spares to a friend, it would make for a great snarky sound bite. But from Joan Vassos, the first-ever Golden Bachelorette? It’s an earnest suggestion, and a celebration of the friendships she’s fostered in Bachelor Nation.

“All the Golden Bachelor women were all texting me, like, ‘We want your leftovers,’” Joan tells Bustle with a laugh. “They were big hits, these guys.” I tell Joan it sounds like more love stories might be in the making. “I’ve got some in mind already,” she says.

But first, it’s her turn.

Joan, whose husband, John, passed away in 2021, was a contestant on Gerry Turner’s inaugural season of the Golden Bachelor last year, but she had to leave early to support her postpartum daughter. A year later, the 61-year-old school administrator is ready to embark on her own journey for love, and she’s undeterred by the fact that sometimes things don’t work out — like in Gerry’s or recent Bachelorette Jenn Tran’s cases.

“Lots of Bachelor couples make it, but some don’t,” she says. “And if you have hope going into it, that’s all you really need.”

Below, the first-ever Golden Bachelorette breaks down her spoiler strategy, thoughts on engagement, and the revelatory advice she received from the show’s psychiatrist.

You’ve said that getting engaged at the end of your season wasn’t necessary. How did you arrive at that decision?

At this age, it takes a little time to get to know somebody. Sometimes there’s love at first sight, and sometimes you need more time. I was looking for a committed relationship, somebody I was going to leave this journey with to see how it would work in the real world. Like, let’s date.

I appreciate that you’ve said from Day One that you wouldn’t move for a partner. Is that still the case?

Yeah, it’s just the way I am. I have great friends and family, and I love where I live. I can’t imagine not seeing my kids and my grandchildren all the time. I have a mother who’s 92. I have a mother-in-law [who’s] been part of me since I met John.

I want a guy that has the same thing. I think it could be a great positive that I’d go to wherever he lives a couple of weeks out of the month, and then he comes and merges into my life. Maybe we merge in the middle sometimes and go on a great vacation — like, this can be fun.

In addition to staying close to family, did you have other nonnegotiables?

I was careful not to have nonnegotiables. The producers and casting agent Jacqui [Pitman] know me well. I felt like they would do a good job of finding people who could be a good match, so I went in with an open mind.

Speaking of an open mind, was there anything you entered the season thinking one way about but then your perspective changed?

Before this season, I’d never really dealt with how it would feel when I thought “Maybe I want to fall in love with somebody,” how it would make me feel about my relationship with my late husband, and how guilty I would feel. That was a struggle for a few weeks, to the point where I spoke to the Bachelor psychiatrist about it.

I was like, “I’m having a hard time getting past this, and I’m not sure if I can keep doing this. I don’t know how to put John out of my heart to let someone else in.”

How did they respond?

They said, “You have two hands, and each of them has a balloon. John is the balloon in this hand. And whoever it is that you’re maybe falling in love with is the balloon in [the other] hand. You don’t have to let go of one to hold on to the other.”

It was just the metaphor I needed [to realize] “OK, I can still have John in my heart and have this person also; there’s room for everybody there.” That was a huge revelation. It was such a relief.

When I spoke with Gerry last season, he said he accidentally hinted at his final rose recipient’s identity to a pickleball friend. Have you had any near-misses about spoiling your season?

My friends are saying, “Keep talking. Give her another glass of wine.” But I am honestly really, really careful. For me, the joy of watching the show is not knowing the ending. I never look at spoilers. In fact, when we were filming, Jenn’s season had started to air, and every producer knew the ending. I was like, “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Not knowing makes it a lot better.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.