Chrissy Teigen Shared How Her Body Is A “Daily Reminder” Of Her Pregnancy Loss

In the year since the loss of her son Jack, Chrissy Teigen has often opened up about the mental and physical impacts of the experience — from the Medium essay in which she detailed her heartbreaking birth story and grieving process to her own Instagram account, where she’s discussed therapy, depression, and the “frustrating” reality of having a baby bump without a baby. Now, as Teigen approaches the anniversary of that devastating pregnancy loss, she is once again getting candid about its lasting effect on her mind and body. In a Sept. 18 Instagram post, the Cravings author explained how her body remains a difficult “daily reminder” of what should have been.

“It’s really weird when you lose a baby and your body gets paused in time,” Teigen wrote in her latest reflection, alongside a photo of her sitting in a closet. “Usually you’d gain your ‘yumyums I’m praaaagnant!’ weight, then put on the weight of your little bebe. Then, ideally, you’d have your baby. And you would feed it from your boobs and your body would know to charge through and do what it does to get you back into fighting shape, whatever that may be, for however long it takes.”

Having previously given birth to two children, Luna and Miles, Teigen knew the routine, and frequently shared updates on her journey into motherhood — from breastfeeding to postpartum depression. Her pregnancy loss, however, was a different story in many ways. Continuing her emotional post, the model described her body as being “stuck.”

“But man. When you lose a baby halfway through, your body just pauses. It has nothing to do. No one to feed. And you’re just… stuck,” Teigen explained. “Stuck with saggy boobs that were prepping to be milk bags, a belly that was ready to bake. I would be lying if I said this did not majorly suck.”

Teigen described the compounding effects of those physical markers on the grieving process. “Not only are you ummmm extremely, diabolically sad at what could have been,” she wrote, “but you have this daily reminder every time you look in the goddamn mirror.” That echoed a post she shared in December, when she called “every glance in the mirror” a reminder “of what could have been” and shared the sorrow of knowing she “never will be [pregnant] again.”

Though the model and cookbook author has shared her recent strides in working out and staying sober, she emphasized several times in her Sept. 18 post that her physical frustration wasn’t tied to achieving her pre-pregnancy body as fast as possible. “F*CK a snap-back” and “f*ck a scale,” she wrote. Teigen also noted that while she doesn’t “have a big ending or positive words” to share, she’s OK — and just wanted to “be emo for a minute.”