The 13 Best Real Housewives One-Liners Of 2023

At this point, Bravo has become a language, and Housewives should be paid as writers for inventing that vocabulary. The network’s Real Housewives stars across all ten cities, from Orange County to Potomac, manage to come up with shady jokes, masterful reads, and eyebrow-raising one-liners that even the best sitcom screenwriters couldn’t pen. 

For over a decade, Housewife one-liners have become the preferred method of communication for Bravo fans, a signal that no matter where in the world you come from, you can immediately speak the same vernacular and bond over its origins. And they’ve become a source of income for the Housewives themselves — if they’re smart enough to put those quotes on any merch they can sell.

Naturally, a few now-infamous one-liners from 2023 have made their way into the echelon of iconic Real Housewives references, some of which fans will surely be using for years to come. Here are 13 of 2023’s best Housewives zingers, catchphrases, and downright wacky quotes.

“I’m on play all the time.”

When Mary Cosby asked Lisa Barlow on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City if she had a mute button, her response was instant, becoming both a motivational slogan among Bravo fans and representative of Lisa’s time as a Housewife so far.

“A couple of my friends are moving to Tribeca, this neighborhood’s really up and coming.”

TriBeCa (as it’s formally punctuated) is, in fact, Manhattan’s most expensive neighborhood. But all it took was Jessel Taank stating it was “up and coming” on Real Housewives of New York City for Bravo fans to view it differently. Even Erin Lichy, the Tribeca local who was visibly offended by this comment, ended up moving out of Tribeca, proving Jessel’s impact.

“Is that Juan Dixon, playa playa from the Himalayas?”

Only Candiace Dillard Bassett could take a topic so widely debated on Real Housewives of Potomac, like Robyn Dixon not being open about her husband Juan’s wrong-doings, and turn it into a phrase that’s so cutting yet catchy. God bless Candiace’s brain.

“You called me a pornography!”

Whitney Rose did not, in fact, call Mary Cosby a “pornography” on RHOSLC, as she initially thought. But it did make for a memorable quote.

“Thank you. You’re welcome.”

Denise Richards may no longer be a Real Housewife, but her guest appearance at 2023’s Dinner Party From Hell on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will go down in the history books. Yes, she really said both “thank you” and “you’re welcome” to herself mid-conversation, and the dinner was so chaotic that it was passed over by everyone in attendance — except the biggest of fans, of course.

“I have to post my liposuction or I won’t get paid.”

Sonja Morgan may no longer be on RHONY, but her new spin-off with Luann de Lesseps, Welcome to Crappie Lake, was full of the brutally honest one-liners you’d expect if they were still on the show.

“I’m shoeless, you guys.”

Only Housewives can pull off crying about shoes in the middle of an emotional moment, meaning that RHOSLC newbie Monica Garcia fits right in. Angie Katsenevas can relate, after Jen Shah famously threw her $1500 shoes off a boat in Season 3.

“You’re laboring under the misconception that I give a sh*t.”

After nearly an entire season of constant attacks and random accusations from her castmates, Heather Dubrow finally let Tamra Judge have it in on the Real Housewives of Orange County season finale, resulting in a biting yet composed line that only Fancy Pants could pull off.

“That’s not your mama, is it?”

Riffing off a fight between RHOP’s Wendy Osefo and newbie Nneka Ikim about whether Wendy’s mom is doing some sort of witchcraft on Nneka, Mia Thornton spotted a crow and nonchalantly asked this question as if it were a normal lunch topic. Wendy might have taken offense, but frankly, it was the only moment of laughter from this confusing, elongated, and beyond-boring drama.

“The wuuuuumorssss and naaaasssstinesssssss about her.”

You must quote this one-liner, which translates to “rumors and nastiness” in English and refers to RHOSLC newbie Angie Katsanevas’ husband, in Meredith Marks’ vague faux-British accent. It’s Bravo law.

“You. Can. Leave.”

Meredith’s slurred rant outside of a Palm Springs restaurant turned into a more forceful rant inside said restaurant, resulting in this ominous yet hilarious command to Angie, who did not, in fact, leave. Instead, Meredith tried getting Chad (waiter, not security) to escort her off the premises, to no avail.

“Don’t come after my bathtub!”

Yes, Meredith Marks has three RHOSLC one-liners on this list, because if you get defensive over something as ridiculous as a bathtub on Bravo, this is how you are rewarded.

“Name ‘em!”

RHOBH star Sutton Stracke repeated this command ad nauseam to Kyle Richards until it became permanently etched in the Bravo dictionary. Name ‘em.

Honorary mention: “You’re a worm with a mustache!” - James Kennedy

James Kennedy is not a Real Housewife, meaning he’s technically not eligible for this list. But in fairness, Vanderpump Rules is a Housewives spin-off, and this dig at Tom Sandoval during the mid-Scandoval Season 10 reunion just can’t be ignored.

If it was worthy of a Bravo award, it’s also worthy of an honorable mention.