One Nightstand With... Anna Marie Tendler

To be famous in 2024, it seems, you must possess at least one of these three things: a book club (preferably run on Instagram stories), your own memoir (alternatively, some other work of autofiction), or a collection of pap shots with a book in hand (bonus points if you find an inventive way to carry said book, à la Jacob Elordi and his pants pockets).

But what, exactly, are these celebrities trying to communicate with their literary alignment? And more importantly, what do they actually think of these books they’re touting?

Those are the questions Bustle’s One Nightstand With, our latest video series, seeks to unpack. Twice a month, Charlotte Owen and I will sit down with our favorite celebrity readers and writers at the blond at 11 Howard. The conversations will be structured around each guest’s four favorite books — allowing us to learn more about their tastes and lives in the process.

Our first guest is multidisciplinary artist Anna Marie Tendler, whose debut memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy, became an instant New York Times bestseller upon publication this August. The book is a sometimes brutal, always luminous exploration of the romantic relationships that shaped her, and in part, led to to her 2021 hospitalization for suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and disordered eating. And while some readers have chafed at the memoir’s candor, Tendler never intended her narration to be apologetic.

“I really wanted to be honest about how dark depression can be, but also so absolutely divorced from reality. And sometimes... not funny, [but] it can be very absurdist,” Tendler told us during her One Nightstand With segment. Another notion Tendler sought to dispel was the idea that, especially in her own story, people were either strictly villains or heroes. “I think that there are plenty of times where I do not make the right decision. I don't say the right thing. I by no means think that I am the hero of my own book.”

Fittingly, the characters that populate the books Tendler chose to discuss also eschew this binary. Tendler’s selections included Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko, Rivka Galchen’s Everyone Knows Your Mother Is a Witch, Leonora Carrington’s The Hearing Trumpet, and George Saunders’ A Swim in a Pond in the Rain. “Three of the books I chose were written by women, and I think that there's a real theme throughout them about finding your identity and struggling in the face of a patriarchal system,” explains Tendler. “I like a book that sparks conversation. If a work is sparking a conversation, then I think it's doing its job.”

Below, you’ll find further excerpts from our conversation with Tendler — from her thoughts on turning 40, to the herd mentality of the internet, and the financial power imbalance between men and women.

On Pachinko:

Throughout the book, Sunja is underneath the financial specter of Hansu, which I find really interesting. Now that we’re in the 21st century, we’d like to think that we have made so much progress, but the fact is that men still out-earn women. We find ourselves in these situations where [even if we’re not] totally dependent on the finances of a male counterpart, your dual income might allow you to live a certain life that should you get divorced, you can no longer live.

In my book, I obviously bump up against class and money a lot. I, myself, didn't have it and then did have it, and then didn't have it. I very much was supported financially in certain relationships that I was in and there’s shame that comes with that. But it's also a systemic issue.

On Everyone Knows Your Mother Is a Witch:

This book, to me, is really about the danger of herd mentality. The idea of creating a false narrative, then people around hearing it, and not wanting to go against the grain. What happens in this book is that Katherina's neighbor, Ursula, accuses her of witchcraft. Then, as it goes forward, we see people who have had very innocuous interactions with Katherina change their stories slightly to make her more guilty, or to fit this narrative. When I was reading this book it felt like an allegory for the internet, social media, or any sort of message board-based Reddit-type thing.

On A Swim in a Pond in the Rain:

This book is structured [around] seven stories by the greatest 18th-century Russian short story writers. Then [George Saunders] goes through and breaks down every story, why he feels certain decisions were made, what they say about humanity, and about the writer themselves. I just love this idea that something small can be political. I also love the idea that these writers wrote these stories trusting the reader to extrapolate and to make their own inferences about what the larger message is. We live in a culture where we want things all kind of wrapped up neatly in a bow, and that's just not how life is.

On The Hearing Trumpet:

Somebody gave me this book right when I got out of the hospital and was like, "This is about a wacky woman living on her own terms, and I think you'll love it." And I was like, "I do love it." This book [examines what it’s like] being a woman in your old age. How it's sort of the only time that you're truly free, because you are living sort of on the outside of important society. I’m 39 now, which is not old, it's young. But the older I've gotten the freer I absolutely feel. I feel no dread or doom about turning 40. I'm like, "Get me there. I'm not interested in youth anymore."

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.