If laws are like sausages because you don't want to see how they're made, we should probably also say (yell) "AND PORN! YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT PORN! DON'T DO IT! JUST LET IT BE!". But no one ever listens to me, and apparently, everyone is really interested in how porn is made. Including me, as much as I sort of hate it. So right now, we have some of the best porn secrets on Reddit, where porn actors and editors have been spilling the beans on what goes on behind the scenes. Weirdly, it turns out it's never two madly-in-love people who love sex and decide to do it in front of camera. Surprising, right?
Strangely I've been on a documentary binge recently, which has included Hot Girls Wanted and Louis Theroux's porn documentary (and everything else he's ever made), because staring into the belly of the beast is weirdly fascinating. So in the same vein, what can we learn about porn? Well everything from health, pay, to ... um ... smell is being discussed right now on Reddit. I decided to narrow it down for you, because that site can be a terrifying place. Here are the top 10 porn secrets I learned. (And before you read on, be sure to check out Bustle’s new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the dirtiest parts of dating, and find more on our Soundcloud page.)
1. "Amateur Porn" Isn't What You Think
This is heartbreaking. One of my friends was recently saying how he's not comfortable watching porn, but feels OK with amateur porn, because it's two people who decided to video themselves. Sorry to break it to you ...
2. Health And Regulation Are Very Important
I knew that the STD testing was rigorous, but I didn't realize how much other supervision there is. It's certainly a good thing, though.
3. It's Not As Glam As It Seems
I guess this is no surprise to any of us who have had an all-night marathon sex session, then in the morning popped out for a glass of water, came back in, and yelled "Dear god, it smells like sex in here." Porn is like that, but times a million — plus all the fetish stuff.
4. Everybody's Worried About How They Look
You hear about men and women in action movies doing sit-ups and push-ups right before they go on set to get those muscles bulging. I guess this is no different.
5. Hygiene Is Super Important, Especially When It Comes To Anal
There's a lot of people commenting on the intricacies of anal prep. Apparently, it's quite the ordeal. It's a good thing to do, but it sounds like a hell of a lot of work.
6. There's Some Really Boring And Weird Stuff That Gets Edited Out
Man, I don't want them to be getting instructions! It's so much nicer to think that they're just switching positions on whims and feelings. But wait, makeup sponges?! What the ... what?
7. The Girls Really Are Moaning That Loud
OK, it doesn't mean that they mean the moans. But they are making a lot of noise. I personally appreciate that he's trying to make it so you can turn the volume down and hear everything, because I'm always convinced everyone can hear my porn even through my headphones. (And they can, whenever I forget to plug my headphones into my laptop).
8. The Ending Might Be First
I had never thought about this, but it totally makes sense. Normally, a guy can go way longer for round two, but it also seems weird to start off with a cum shot and then go at it ...
9. Men Make Way Less Than Women ... So They Go Gay For Pay
That's bleak. Having sex with someone you're not at all attracted to must be difficult. Especially when you consider ...
10. Men Have To Stay Hard For Ages
I am now running through my list of sexual partners in my head, and whether any of them could do porn. Two hours?! That's a skill.
If you'd like to take a trip down memory lane, watch the sex myths you believed as a child below (and subscribe to Bustle's YouTube page for more videos):
Images: Fotolia; Reddit
