I thought it was time to clarify what bedroom behavior is foreign to the species we have come to classify as the "grown-ass man" now that we've covered we've covered what a grown-ass man does in bed — and what he does not do on Tinder — A surprising number of childish moves are popular among people who consider themselves grown-ass men, and too many fly by under the excuse that "boys will be boys." But you know what? If you are still a boy, you should not be sexually active. You should be in school, or more specifically, sex ed, learning how to be a respectful sexual partner (if only they taught that).
There's no excuse for making your partner feel like an object or an afterthought. And, contrary to popular belief, that kind of behavior stems from disrespect, not sexual desire or passion. Or, to give you the benefit of the doubt, it can stem from ignorance. Many people have learned from movies or (sigh) porn that heterosexual sex occurs in a very specific way, and this sequence of events usually favors the male participant. So, in case your sex life is still bogged down by these messages, let me help you enter grown-ass-manhood by explaining what's not acceptable no matter how many times you've seen it in porn.
Guys, are you listening? Good. You have no excuses anymore.
1. Argue
No partner of yours should ever have to say "no" twice. This applies to interactions in the moment — if someone's not comfortable with below-the-belt touching, don't reach for their belt — as well as ongoing conversations: If she says she never wants to try anal sex, do not ask her if she has changed her mind a month later. She hasn't.
2. Complain
A surefire way to make someone uncomfortable is to give her a hard time for not fulfilling your every bedroom wish. No, you're not just expressing your feelings; you're being pushy. And in case you were wondering, "blue balls" are not a thing (or at least not what you would imagine), so don't even try that one.
3. Allow Unsafe Sex To Happen
No matter how uncomfortable condoms are or how much you hate getting blood tests, these precautions are still far better than the alternative.
4. Act Disgusted
Bodies are kind of gross. None of us needs to be reminded of that. And — newsflash — most women are not porn stars. We have body hair and periods and our bodies sometimes do unpredictable things. Many women are insecure about their bodies already, and by validating those insecurities, you'll make us less comfortable during future sexy times. You don't want that, do you?
5. Ogle
Obviously, people in a sexual relationship tend to look at each other. Hopefully, both parties enjoy this activity. However, there is a specific type of look that can halt this enjoyment in its tracks by making its target feel like a piece of meat. If you're viewing your partner as a means to fulfill your desires rather than a person with desires of her own, it shows up on your face. The look is hard to describe, but it sort of conjures up the image of a 12-year-old boy who accidentally walked in on his friend's mom naked. Failure to acknowledge that there is a head attached to someone's body is a surefire sign you've crossed this line.
6. Finish And... Finish
Unless your partner is also ready to call it a night, your climax does not mean sex is over. Sex isn't over until both parties are satisfied (unless someone feels uncomfortable continuing, obviously. Then, stop immediately.)
7. Do Anything Without Clear Consent
I hate that I need to say this, but many people still believe that saying nothing constitutes consent, going back to someone's room constitutes consent, or consenting to one activity constitutes consent to a different one. Only verbal affirmation constitutes consent. If you're ever in doubt, it may be uncomfortable to ask, but not as uncomfortable as sexual assaulting someone. And a grow-ass man can put up with a little discomfort for the cause of affirmative consent.
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