If you're reading this from your office right now (most likely from the bathroom as you pee, #represent), there is roughly an 80 percent chance that you are freezing at your desk like Frosty the freaking Snowman. You can trying to plan a summer outfit for a chilly office, but the (literally) cold, harsh truth is that you may win the battle, but you will never win the war. Resistance is so futile that I just spent thirty seconds with my hands under a hot water faucet in the bathroom making a face that would basically get me arrested if I made it on the subway. What I'm really trying to say is that we're all going to die here, and thousands of years from now aliens will find our bodies perfectly preserved, encased in ice at our desks.
If it seems like I'm being melodramatic, it's because I am. It is simply in my nature, the way it's in some people's nature to jack the thermostat down to zero degrees in the summer like the icy Elsa overlord of the office. There is no denying the summer office freeze, so the best we can do is lean into it — and throw a bunch of shade with this list of fictional places that are probably colder than your office right now. (But not too much shade. It's cold enough in here already, for god's sake.)
Here are some icy lands that are starting to look like Hawaii right now:
1. Narnia
"The Lion, The Witch, And The Elevator You Just Rode Up To Your Death."
2. Arendelle
Seriously, Elsa. Hit the office right now with everything you've got. Nobody would even flinch.
3. Hoth
Incidentally, all of the blankets we're wearing are starting to make us all look like brightly colored Chewbaccas.
4. Superman's Fortress Of Solitude
Office of Solitude. Too bad none of us have mad impervious alien skin. (Geez, mom and dad, thanks for nothing.)
5. The Misty Mountains
Only this time the dwarves don't have some ~super secret passage~ to make this any less of a freeze fest. (If they did, though, you know it would be all the night office workers who crank the thermostat up and party when everybody leaves.)
6. Santa's workshop
Yeah, well, we're all frozen-toed ninny muggins, so count your blessings, Buddy.
7. Delta Vega
OK, so...things could be worse. (I guess.)
8. The block of ice Captain America was frozen in
A 70 year nap doesn't seem so bad right now, TBH.
9. The inside of Edward Cullen's cold, dead heart
Edward: SAY IT.
You: Thermal keyboard mittens .
Good luck weathering this indoor storm, guys. I'll be buried in several slankets if anybody needs me.
Images: Disney(2); Paramount Pictures(2); Giphy(7)
