In what feels like a clear glimpse into my future, a woman in the UK was allegedly masturbating while driving and rear-ended the back of a stationary van, reports The Mirror. Security footage saw her holding a rabbit vibrator and pulling up her trousers after the accident. A source told The Mirror: "A driver was called into the office and feared he was getting the sack. He'd been on his first shift after looking for work for ages. The bosses told him it wasn't his fault and then said 'Have you seen this?'. He was like 'what the f**k.' They all had a good laugh." Luckily no one was hurt, except for perhaps some bruised pride. The firm that owns the van, M&J Seafood, is not releasing the names of anyone involved.
OK, so this is kind of hilarious, because it was just a little bump and no one got hurt. But sex while driving is actually really, really dangerous. There hasn't been that much research on it, but a study in Men's Health done by the University of South Dakota was pretty revealing. In this study, "researchers found that about a third of college-aged men have engaged in sexual activity while driving, while another 9 percent have gotten frisky as passengers." Women were more likely to be sexually active as passengers than as drivers, which study author Cindy Struckman-Johnson, Ph.D said could be because women are more risk-averse naturally, or perhaps because when couples drive together, men tend to be in the driver's seat.
Here's a look at what this study taught us, and why we should avoid sex while driving, no matter how hard your partner is to resist:
1. It Happens While Going Really Fast
Driving fast can be dangerous enough as it is, but add sex into the mix and it's a disaster. Men's Health reports that "nearly half the encounters occurred at speeds of 61 to 80 miles per hour," and at those speeds, you shouldn't be concentrating on anything other than the road.
2. Fooling Around While Driving Leads To Loads Of Dangerous Behaviors
Take a look at these figures from the study: 38 percent went over the speed limit, 36 percent went into the wrong lane, 11 percent let go of the steering wheel completely, and two percent nearly hit something (or someone). Yikes. That's terrifying.
3. Oral Sex And Hand Play Are By Far The Most Popular
So it turns out that 81 percent of the men had received or given oral sex, and nearly half had fooled around with their hands. That may not seem as bad as full-on intercourse, which only 13 percent reported doing, but it's all sort of equally dangerous when you consider:
4. More Than Half Reported Reaching The Finish Line While Driving
That's right, it's not just a bit of hand or mouth play. Six out of ten respondents said that they'd had an orgasm in the car. This is really dangerous. I mean, I can't remember my own name or how not to look like an insane sneezing banshee while having an orgasm. How could someone possibly imagine they were okay to drive a car? It's dangerous, no matter how you get there.
5. There's A Good Chance That The Amount Of Sex/Masturbation Accidents Are Underreported
There's probably a very good reason we don't hear more about sex and masturbating causing accidents. Struckman-Johnson "believes that sex is probably an underreported cause of car crashes because people don’t own up to it out of embarrassment." And who knows how you would even explain it on an insurance form. Anyway, it's probably best to wait until you get home.
Images: Fotolia, Giphy (5)
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