Relationships, if intended to be successful, require a lot of compromises. It's good to learn what's non-vital as far as your own needs are concerned. Say your partner is plainly not a fan of Bruce Springsteen. That's fine. You can deal. You can simply wait until they aren't around to indulge your own abiding love for America's Greatest Musical Treasure™, and judge them silently for having bad taste in music. (Actually, that seems like a bad person to date, TBH. I digress.) When you're back to being single, you can get back to being selfish about certain things like exercising your goddess-given right to pump The Boss all day every day. In fact, returning to being single after being in a relationship means you get to be selfish about a whole lot.
It's only natural to go through a grieving process first. Something ended and, in a way, died, so mourning is a really healthy step forward in the coping process. Next up, you'll likely move forward by actively working on that whole healing thing. The final step in getting over the ending of this relationship, is seriously the best part: hedonism! Well, not hedonism per se, but you get to be selfish again about certain aspects of your life—emphasis on your.
Being single can be a legit adventure in getting back to your true core self. You can rearrange all inner focus back on you. It's a killer time to be introspective and prioritizing getting your needs met. In fact, it's probably pretty wise to be selfish about some stuff when single, like:
Travel
In relationships, you gotta balance trips, because most likely you're figuring another person into the journey. Meaning, if you have three friends with faraway weddings this year and so does boo, you'll probably have to miss at least one. But single you? ALL THE TRAVELS. Wanna know something weird? You're still allowed to visit even if weddings and fresh babies aren't involved. Crazy, I know!!
Eating
I've dated way too many dudes who go ham on bacon cheeseburgers. Liiike, I get down with the occasional nacho boat or whatever, but seriously? It's kinda gross and means you have to visit burger bars way more than you might want. Conversely, I went out with a guy who legit wanted a salad only for dinner. What?? As a single person, you call all culinary shots.
Boozing
Same jam here as with the food thing. If you feel like having a heavy night with a million porters, book you an Uber and go forth with your drunk self. Maybe you feel like chilling on seltzer with lime instead. Either way, you have no outside influence pulling you in a direction you don't naturally feel compelled.
Working out
Not only do you suddenly have all this extra time to focus on whatever kind of activities you want to explore, you can finally get really into zumba or pure barre or whatever other niche things you might not have explored when you were on somebody else's time.
Bubble baths
There ain't no room in there for anyone else, TBH.
Bedsheets
My biggest breakup involved a cohabitation aspect. While together, I sacrificed floral and girly compulsions in shared items to help sate my surfer dude bro boyfriend. As soon as we split, I bought some high thread count sheets, tossed an insanely vibrant rose pattern throw on top, and called it a bed. My bed. It's yours, bb—decorate it however the hell you feel. Even if that means dolphins.
Home decor
Kinda riffing off the bedding aspect, you get to be selfish about how your space looks. Confession: That example of an ex hating Bruce Springsteen was autobiographical. In addition to the dope new bedding, I hammered a huge foam board with Brucie's face on it in my new apartment—right over the bed.
Staying out late
You don't have to check in with someone to see if it's OK—or worse, wonder if you're coming home to chiding or passive aggression. Shut down some bars or watch the sunrise from the roof of a 24/7 spa with some good friends. Your call exclusively.
Waking up early
You won't disturb anyone when rising to catch a slew of killer yard sales or 6 a.m. yoga class. Which means you're also allowed to get pumped about being up so early with loud early '00s rap music. If you want. (But seriously, I recommend this.)
Sleeping in
Got nothing to do one day and feel like sleeping 'til noon? You can, completely undisturbed and free of judgement from a jealous partner with an early call time.
Staying home
Although no one wants to get guff for going out a lot, I feel it's an even more criminal offense to shame someone for wanting to stay in. Staying in is awesome and frankly, we should all be doing it way more. At first staying in and Netflixing or reading or whatevering solo may seem a bit sad in the early days of singledom, but give it time. Soon enough, someone will have to truly woo you in order to grant entry to your highly relaxing, indulgent nights in.
Sex stuff
You go get yours, yeah? And that one ex intimidated by your vibrator? Rub one out in spite of them, specifically.
Short-term goals
You don't have to factor in a whole 'nother human and their needs and plans to accomplish the things you wanna do, even if those things involve running two miles three days in a row or taking over your kitchen with pickling projects. Go forth and chase shit that matters to you without worrying about how it might affect your partner—because you don't got one. Only time to yourself to spend on what matters to you.
Long-term goals
You can look into things like jobs in other cities, lengthy time spent abroad honing a new skill, or even enrolling in a demanding major. Again, this time is yours.
Spending money
This money is yours, too. Maybe your past partner pushes towards fancy, pricy restaurants that never much interested you. Or they had very tight purse strings and y'all hardly ever did much anything luxurious, scoffing if you wanted to visit a hair stylist instead of a strip mall barber. Now it's high time to do (or not do) budgeting according to only you.
Starting or maintaining collections
This seems to be a big sore spot in lots of relationships. One person is a packrat or has a crazy attachment to a plastic tub of Beanie Babies while the other gets endlessly frustrated by this character asset (notice how I didn't say flaw). Grow your freaking Beanie Babies collection as big as you want. Or hell, if you don't have something already, get really into Lisa Frank playing cards. Frame 'em all and throw the lot on the wall, if you want. It's whatever you want, not some partner secretly jealous you wrangled three Hope bears. Haters gonna hate.
Personal style
Partners sometimes feel like they have a right to give input about what you put on your body, but you don't even have to lurk in that minefield of wrongness anymore. Dress in what makes you feel like the confident, sexy, fun, and comfortable human you are, darlin'.
Keeping your options open
You can now take that entry-level job that directly feeds into a higher position based in Berlin. You can sell your car and commute via bike to save for capitol to launch your dog walking business. You can dye your hair lavender in a leopard print. Swap all your black clothes for red because that's your thing now. Line all your walls with vintage swan wallpaper. Decide you don't actually like action films and never need to see another one again. You're the captain of your life. Again.
Images: Pexels; Giphy(18)
