Whatever Is Crawling In This Salmon Is Not OK

First, a warning: Do not read this post while you are eating lunch. Seriously, don’t. Bookmark this page, finish your sandwich, and then come back and read. You’ll thank me. OK, here goes: On Sunday, Peoria, Arizona, resident Jen Chafitz bought fish at a local Fry’s. When she pulled the fish out of the refrigerator later, she was disgusted to discover worms moving around in the salmon. Chafitz and her husband posted a video of the fish on Facebook; it clearly shows two small, white wormy things (yes, that is a technical term) writhing around beneath the fish’s plastic wrap. She explains, “They are actually living in the fish. You can see that one’s kind of going in and out.”

ABC15 reports that the couple took the fish back to Fry’s and was offered a full refund. A representative for Fry’s also told the network that Fry’s was communicating with the distributor to check on quality control. Although the wriggling interlopers have not been officially identified, Dr. Fiona Baird of James Cook University told BuzzFeed that the culprit was probably a parasite called Anisakis simplex. She explained,

[I]f consumed alive will give you a gastroenteritis (I.e. diarrhea and vomiting). It’s a very common fish parasite and is found in the gut of the fish. If the fish is not gutted properly then the worms will migrate into the flesh as seen in those fish fillets. The worms become more active once they warm up; however if you cook your fish thoroughly you won’t get sick from consuming them.

That won’t be much of a problem for Chafitz, as she told ABC15 that she’d be steering clear of fish and poultry for the time being. I bet she’s not the only one. I mean, just look at these things:

If that’s not enough to scar you for life, here’s the whole thing:

And if that’s not enough, read on for 6 other times you absolutely did not want to eat that:

1. When this creature was found in a tuna can.

In January, a woman in the U.K. opened a can of tuna to find a mysterious sea creature inside. She recounted to The Nottingham Post, “I opened the top of the lid and saw a purply thing, a gut sack or intestine – then I turned it round and pushed it with a fork and saw it looking back at me.” The grocery store where she bought the tuna promised to investigate.

OH BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE.

When the creature was identified, it turned out to be a tongue eating parasite. Yes. That is a thing, apparently, and I will be haunted by it forever. According to the Daily Mail, the creature was the head of a Cymothoa exigua, or tongue-eating louse. This type of parasite “latches on to the fish's tongue, gradually eating away at it before replacing it entirely.”

2. When a kid found a finger in his sandwich.

In 2012, 14-year old Ryan Hart found a human finger in his Arby’s sandwich. The Michigan resident said that when he bit into the inch-long fingertip, it was “rubbery.” It turns out that an employee had recently lost a finger while slicing meat.

3. When a man found a dead mouse in his bread.

In 2007, a man in Northern Ireland unwrapped a loaf of bread be bought at a supermarket, only to find a whole, very dead, mouse embedded in the crust. In 2009, a similar thing happened to a man in Oxfordshire, who found a mouse stuck in the corner of a loaf of bread while making sandwiches for his kids.

4. When there was a snake's head in the vegetables.

In 2009, a man in New York state reported that he found a snake's head (with a bit of spine attached) in his broccoli at a T.G.I. Friday's.

5. When this guy garnished a steak with hair.

In 2008, Ryan Kropp, a cook at a Texas Roadhouse in Wisconsin, responded to a customer's complaint about an overcooked steak by making a new steak, cutting a slit into it, and then adding a bit of his own facial hair. He was fired and later pleaded guilty to a charge of food tampering.

6. That time some crazy person put PEAS IN THE GUACAMOLE.

OK, so obviously the NYT’s suggestion to put peas in guacamole is not as bad as finding a human finger in a sandwich, but you wouldn’t know it from some people’s outraged reactions to the recipe. Given the level of vitriol the offending recipe has inspired, you’d think that the NYT had suggested putting a salty mix of parasites and used tampons in with your avocado. So maybe these previous examples will give us all a little perspective?

Images: Jen A. Holland-Chafitz/Facebook (2)