It was just an ordinary day for the unsuspecting internet. An ordinary day, that is, until The New York Times tweeted about a guacamole recipe with green peas, and burned the entire damn internet to the ground in one click of a button. I don't mean to be melodramatic here, but the Twitter responses to the guacamole pea recipe are so catastrophic that I'm pretty sure we just collectively ripped a hole into the time-space continuum. The verdict? We Do No Like It. And apparently the human race is so hell bent on its destruction that generations from now, our children's children's children will still quake in fear of the day that their precious guacamole was compromised.
I assume by now you're reading this from Chipotle, aka the only bomb shelter where true guac fans can ride out #GuacGate2015. It's too late for The New York Times. They're going to be shunned en masse from the avocado section in Whole Foods until the day they die. And you know what? Maybe they deserve it. After all, they screwed with America's favorite food, a mere three days away from America's birthday. This is some next level disrespect. WHO LET THIS HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE?
You know what? No. It's not my job to play the blame game here. I've got entire sea of people on the internet to do it for me. Here's the original tweet:
And here, my friends, is the beginning of the end:
MOST IMPORTANTLY, PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS SPOKEN, and his word is LITERALLY LAW.
At least The New York Times has one person left on the planet who doesn't want to put them on trial for Guac Murder:
That being said, the guacamole I want to see in this world? DOESN'T HAVE PEAS IN IT, DAMMIT.
BTW, We made guacamole and peas & tried it so you don't have to:
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