Ashton Kutcher Now Taking On Walmart

The revolution will not happen on Twitter... or will it? Actor-slash-activist Ashton Kutcher took to his favorite social media platform Wednesday to attack the great behemoth of American retail, Walmart, about their employee wages. With Thanksgiving impending, a few Canton, Ohio, store associates started a collection drive to ensure that their "employees-in-need" could have a proper spread this holiday season. In other words, Walmart staff is trying to cobble food together to feed their hungry employees. But hang on: Why are their employees hungry?

Well, Walmart isn't known for being particularly kind to its legions of employees: Most of the company's full-time employees earn less than $25,000 a year. Kutcher, aware of the strikes last Monday and appalled that the employees still couldn't afford turkey and trimmings for the holiday even after this summer's wage protests, Tweeted the @WalmartNewsroom account to express his disdain.

They responded with corporate mumblejumbleugh:

It's the same stance Walmart spokespeople had re: Canton: "This is part of the company's culture: to rally around associates and take care of them when they face extreme hardships," spokesman Kory Lundberg said.

And everyone's like: No, this is associates helping other associates out and has nothing to do with the giant corporation. Because, like, the spokesman's job is to speak on behalf of Walmart the company, not Walmart's employees. And so Kutcher went ahead and took that shot.

Then, believe it or not, Wal-Mart Tweeted Kutcher a promotional video. It's unclear if the tape is standard-stock corporate stuff, or something they whipped up just for him and this conversation. Both Walmart and Kutcher are apparently big on "opportunities," even though Kutcher's are like do-good-y ones and Wal-Mart's are about, oh, I don't know, walkin' that low profit-margin line.

Of course, Kutcher fires back with, you know, logic.

So then Wal-Mart did what it did best: NUMBERS.

MORE NUMBERS.

ALL THE NUMBERS.

And then this, because opportunities, you know?

After this, Kutcher probably realized he was talking to profit-margin robots and was like, "Ugh, can NOT be bothered." He then went off to save the day in some other way, probably. Still, an hour later, he had one last thing to say.