It can be hard to relax during sex. I get it — one of my friends gets so uncomfortable we've nicknamed her the "giggling star fish" because everything seems so ridiculous she just lies there and giggles. There can be a lot of uncomfortable thoughts and distractions running through your head, but those worries are like good sex kryptonite. Just don't let them in at all or your good sex can be completely ruined. The things is, getting embarrassing during sex happens all the time and everyone just sort of rolls with the punches.
If it makes you feel better, I once was having sex with a younger guy and I had to tell to him I didn't know what YOLO meant, and he explained it but also said no one ever says it anymore and that I shouldn't say it because I would sound silly. Later, when we were having sex missionary position and he was finishing, I screamed "YOLO!!!" and high five-d myself over him and laughed and laughed and laughed in his face. So no matter what you do in the bedroom, it will be better than that. I give you permission to add the thought "Well, I'm not as bad as Lea." to your life. My friends already use that line extensively. It's a comfort. So now you know you're not as bad as me, and here are some other things you shouldn't worry about during sex:
1. What if I fart? Or queef?
Shhhhhhhh. Don't worry about it. It happens. Part of the fun, weird, silly part of sex are the bits that go wrong. Everybody farts. And everyone with a vagina queefs— I mean, it's science. Don't sweat it, I've never heard of it ruining anything.
2. I hate my thighs
Or your anything. Look, loving your body is easier said than done. I wish I could say I love my body, and I know I should accept it how it is, but if I'm honest, despite thinking people should be body positive in general, I can't seem to apply the same to me. But as much as I compulsively check my stomach and thighs outside of the bedroom, I leave my hang-ups at the door when it comes to sex. You have to, if you want to enjoy it. The thing is they are currently see you naked and they are still having sex with you. Your past the hurdle, now's the time to enjoy it!
3. Why didn't I wax my butt?
GIRLS GET HAIRY BUTTS. It's a thing. We get hairy lots of things. I'm all for everyone doing whatever they want in terms of pubic hair, and you shouldn't worry about it— it's completely your choice. But even if you're someone who normally waxes, occasionally you won't, and there's nothing to panic about. I've certainly had moments of being like "Is he spreading my cheeks... more? Is that what he wants to see?...More anus?". But you just have to relax and go with it. They're already there, and a little bit of hair isn't going to turn anyone away.
4. Should I tell them this is uncomfortable?
Yes. If something doesn't feel right, or just isn't enjoyable, don't keep worrying about it, change it. I was hooking up with a very well endowed guy for a while, like too well endowed. And it wasn't his fault, but certain positions just didn't work for me, and I had to tell him so. Say something ASAP.
5. Am I making too much noise? Or not enough?
Some us are very loud, or downright chatty, in the bedroom. Others of us aren't, just do what you're comfortable with.
6. I really want some grilled cheese right now or... mac and cheese... OR GRILLED MAC AND CHEESE
The hardest thoughts to banish are probably cheese related. Or just food related. It's OK to to think of other people (or what's for dinner) but if you're completely distracted from the sex, you're probably not really enjoying it. If you find yourself thinking about chores or your day at work then probably the sex probably isn't working for you, but it's not going to get any better by you just laying around. Either speak up about what would make it better or just dive in and do it yourself.
7. That's not how my ex does it
If you are coming out of a long relationship, or even just sleeping with the same person for a long time, getting with a new person can feel really strange or even a bit jarring. You need to relax and just go with it, because thinking about another person (especially if you're still hung up on them!) is only going to take you out of the moment. Enjoy the new sensations!
8. Why did I say that?
We've all said some stuff in the heat of the moment that sounded really sexy in our heads, but what they come out are not so sexy at all. The good news is just like a threshold for things that would normally disgust us is much higher during sex, so is the threshold for what would normally make us cringe. They've probably forgotten it like three seconds later. Even if that thing was "YOLO!", (maybe).
Images: Jenavieve/Flickr; Giphy (8)
