My friend Lyndsay has one of those relationships that I can’t help but covet. She’s an acupuncturist, he’s a furniture maker (like Adian from Sex and the City!), they live in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, they do cool things, say cool things, are fun as hell, and just have all the signs of a great relationship unlike any other to which I’ve been privy. While I’m sure they have their issues, as all couples do, from the outside it looks like perfect to me. Because of this I sometimes find myself wondering why my relationship doesn’t seem so cool and without so many road bumps. Not that “cool” should necessarily be an important factor in a relationship, of course, but there’s just something about Lyndsay and Ian’s relationship that I think probably makes some people jealous. It's hard not to feel a little jealousy when you look at a couple that seems to have figured out the secret ingredient to making it all look so easy.
I know Lyndsay and Ian’s relationship is probably just one of tens of thousands of relationships that make others maybe a wee bit green with envy. It’s not a vindictive or creepy jealousy, but just a jealousy that makes someone mutter, “Ugh. They’re so damn awesome.”
Are you in one of those couples? Are you one half of a relationship that makes others jealous enough that they can’t help but roll their eyes at you and your partner's adorableness? Here’s how to tell.
1. You Get A Lot Of Passive Aggressive Comments
When people are jealous of your relationship, it’s literally feels like you just can’t win. No matter what you try to talk about, good or bad, you just get this on slot of passive aggressive commentary. You say you had a long week, and you get, “Oh, really? YOU had a long week? Wow… your life must be sooo hard.”
2. People May Start To Pull Away
Whether it’s your single friends who are sick of witnessing your happiness or your fellow coupled-up friends who just aren’t in the happy place you are, you might feel some people pulling away. It’s not that they don’t care, but sometimes the rest of the world can only take so much mushy, gushy, kissy face, happy-all-the-time bullshit.
3. There’s A General Indifference To Your Relationship Problems
One of the great things about friends is that you can confide in them about anything and get honest feedback. But if you try to talk to your friends when things go a little awry in your relationship and you just find that they’re indifferent to your problems, almost suggesting that your problems aren’t real, then voila! Jealousy!
4. You Witness Eye Rolls That Are Clearly Directed At You
Not just that, but you realize that all the eye rolling that’s going on isn’t even subtle. It’s as if those around you want you to know that they’re totally over you and your adorable, perfect relationship.
5. You Feel Like You Have To Keep Good News To Yourself
When people are jealous, the last thing they want to know is that something else great has happened to you. Because you know that, you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells with everyone you know. Instead of being able to share great news with your friends, you end up only having your pet turtle to share it with… not that your pet turtle isn’t excited for you, of course.
6. When Things Go Bad You Can Almost Sense The Joy From Others
One word: Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude is the exact thing that someone who’s in a relationship that makes others jealous deals with all the time. You tell the people around you that your partner accidentally forgot your birthday and you can see that they’re doing everything in their power not to break out in a happy dance.
7. People Are Constantly Trying To One Up You
Jealousy creates a bizarre competition. Even if you didn’t sign up for the competition, you’ll find that you’re smack dab in the middle of it. Your partner took you to some nice restaurant for your anniversary, and you’re looking at, “Well my BF is taking me to the moon for our anniversary,” coming back at you.
8. You Get Unnecessary Criticism
It’s when people are jealous of something they don’t have that they feel the need to just shit on things. It’s a defense mechanism that’s probably better than them strangling you for having such an awesome relationship. Of course no one wants someone talking smack about their relationship or the person they love, so you just need to remind yourself, “Bitches just be jealous. Breathe.”
9. You Can Tell Every Smile Is Fake
Eventually it just gets to a point where everyone is just so fed up with your perfect relationship that you realize each smile or words of support are just straight up fake. You can all but hear the gritting of teeth as people smile at what you’re saying, all the while knowing that the only way they’ll be truly happy is if your relationship just came to a crashing end. But, hey, no one ever said being envied was easy.
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