If you’ve ever wondered why some of your friends post the things they do on as a Facebook status, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s not just that you’re not alone, but that researchers want to know what Facebook statuses mean, too. Why do some people like to give a play-by-play of their divorce, while others just flood Facebook with photos of baby otters? Well, I don’t know why I post so many photos of baby otters. I just know that they make me happy. Okay?
A recent study examined people's Facebook statuses and whether there was an association between their personalities and their motivation behind what they posted. Of course we all have that person on Facebook who you know, for a fact, is just trying to get sympathy for everything coming down the road, but other statuses aren’t so obvious.
The study of adult Facebook users found that personality had a lot to do with what people posted. For example, extraverts were all about posting social things on Facebook as a way to connect, those with low self-esteem were more likely to post things about their romantic relationships, conscientious people were drawn to posting things that would get a lot of “likes” (as in a lot of child-related stuff), and the narcissists, who use Facebook as a means to get validation, constantly post statuses about their accomplishments. You know the people I’m talking about: Look at me! Look at me! I just got my dream job and am making a million trillion a year! Ugh. Gag me with a spoon.
But this isn’t the first study to try to figure out why the hell people post the stuff they do. A June 2014 study found that people who overshare on Facebook just want to feel like they belong (clearly, unaware they’re driving others mad), and a September 2014 study found that people who are always posting good things about their relationships are probably pretty insecure about them so they feel this bizarre need to overcompensate on Facebook, of all places.
What it comes down to is that we’re all a type when it comes to our Facebook statuses. Even if we can’t be totally pegged to just one category, we’re definitely bits and pieces of a few. That’s just what Facebook has done to us: Given us more labels.
Not sure what your Facebook status says about you? Here, let science help. You don’t want all this research going to waste, do you?
1. You Post Every Single Achievement You Have
From bragging about how much weight you’ve lost to how your sports team just won to how you totally “killed it” on the slopes today, you’re basically that person the rest of us all roll our eyes at. You’re also the one who needs validation like it’s nobody’s business. How did you exist before Facebook?
Diagnosis: Narcissist
2. You Post Excessive Statuses About You And Your Sweetie
Awww! You and your BF are so cute! Aww! He brought you breakfast in bed and you’re announcing for the third time this week just “HOW LUCKY I AM” in all caps again? Well then…maybe some couple’s therapy will work better than this.
Diagnosis: Insecure
3. You Post The Intimate Details Of Things No One Wants To Know About
You’re that person who just needs to tell everyone the ins and outs of your cheating partner or how your mucus plug looked when it dropped out right before you went into labor. You're also that person who posts those long-ass statuses that go on and on and on about your stupid, boring, day. Ah! Get off Facebook and get a real live human friend, oversharer!
Diagnosis: You just want to belong
4. You Post Photos And Stories About Your Kids
You have realized that Facebook is the perfect place to inundate everyone you know on social media with photos of your perfect kids, being all cute and saying the most hilarious things ever ― what a good mom you are! You’re so selfless!
Diagnosis: Conscientious
5. You Post Political Update And/Or Rants
You’re the person that people block from their feed just in time for election season, and when one of your political posts accidentally gets through, they seriously consider blocking you permanently. You’re just sooo overbearing and quite the know-it-all.
Diagnosis: Part narcissist, part need to belong
6. You Post Cryptic Comments
“Ugh. This day was the worst. No one ask why!” “I’m really sick of your shit. You can’t even be a good friend anymore. You know who you are.” Basically, it’s like junior high school all over again with you. Fun.
Diagnosis: Attention seeker
7. You Post Statuses About Humanitarian Causes
You realize Facebook is bigger than yourself and that life is actually not all about you, which is quite a feat in this society. Congratulations on being a bearable and lovely human being.
Diagnosis: Conscientious
8. You Post Endless Selfies
If you’re someone whose status updates are just a barrage of selfies, then I have news for you: It’s time to get some help. A study from earlier this year found that obsessive selfie posting is indicative of narcissism and, I’m sorry to say, psychopathy. Oh, well.
Diagnosis: Part narcissist, part attention seeker
9. You Post Nonstop Drama
How can someone’s life be infused with so much drama? You’re actually the one person on Facebook that people love to hate watch when it comes to statuses, because God only knows what will come next.
Diagnosis: You just want to belong
10. You Post A New Status Every Hour
In fact, you’re so incessant with the status updates no one can figure out how you have time to do anything else. (Have you ever heard of Twitter? It might be more your scene.) Also, your wisdom isn’t all that wise, FYI.
Diagnosis: Part narcissist, part attention seeker
11. You Post Inspirational Quotes All Day Long
I have successfully blocked everyone who posts these things from my feed. The last thing I need to see first thing in the morning is a rainbow photo telling me the that “this too shall past.” I’m an adult. If I need inspiration, I look into a glass (or bottle) of wine like a normal person.
Diagnosis: Insecure
12. You Post In All Caps All The Time
WHY DO YOU DO THIS? DO YOU THINK ANYONE WANTS TO READ THIS? BETTER YET, WHY DO YOU USUALLY IGNORE PUNCTUATION? IT MAKES WHATEVER YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY EVEN MORE DIFFICULT TO READ. STOP.
Diagnosis: Attention seeker (with some anger in there to boot)
Images: Fotolia; Giphy(12)
