What To Expect When Amy Schumer Opens For Madonna

Do my eyes deceive me, or did I just read that Amy Schumer is opening for Madonna's Rebel Heart tour? Could such an insane and magical pairing actually come to fruition, or is the Internet yet again toying with my emotions? When Amy Schumer tweeted Thursday morning that she had "auditioned for Madonna and got the part," I thought that, surely, it was in jest, because it sounds too good to be true. According to The Wrap, however, it's totally, completely, actually going to happen: Schumer will be performing as the opening act for Madonna in New York City on September 16th, 17th, and 19th, and the world will probably never be the same.

At first, it may seem like a strange pairing. Madonna is sort of known these days for how seriously she takes herself, whereas Schumer has made a career off of being totally relatable and pretense-free. Upon closer inspection, however, one will find that Madonna and Schumer actually have a lot in common: Both talk a lot about self-empowerment, both have received mean-spirited criticism about their appearance that they then used to create a public dialogue about body-shaming, and both speak frankly about the use of sexuality in their respective fields. Plus, if there's one thing Madonna loves, it's fellow trend-setters — and Schumer is becoming just that on the comedy scene.

With all those dynamics at play, it's hard to imagine what Schumer will do as an opening act. Will she perform a straightforward stand-up set? Will she wear a cone-bra? Will she come out completely nude and sing the entirety of Madonna's Erotica? The possibilities are endless!

Here are seven dream scenarios for what Schumer could do to make it the greatest Madonna concert ever.

Schumer Could Bring In That Fake One Direction Band From Inside Amy Schumer

First of all, they're adorable, even if they are meant to parody the ridiculously good looking boys of One Direction. Second of all, that song was pretty good, and you know Madonna's fanbase would love it.

Better Yet, Madonna And Schumer Could Perform "Milk, Milk, Lemonade" Together

This song is catchy as hell, and hilarious to boot. I'm sure Madonna would have no problem filling in for Amber Rose (or Method Man, for that matter). Maybe Amber Rose can join, too! Or Nicki Minaj! Or Amber Tamblyn and Jemima Kirke! The world is Madonna's oyster!

Switcheroo? Schumer Could Sing Madonna Songs For 20 Minutes...

Watch the video that accompanied her tweet — she's obviously got the talent.

...And Madonna Could Do Stand Up For Three Hours

I'm sure the New Yorkers who paid $200 for a ticket to attend the Rebel Heart tour will be just as receptive to Madonna's comedy stylings as they are to her signing talents. Either way, it would be remembered forever.

Schumer Could "Go Deep" With Madonna

The "Amy Goes Deep" interviews on Inside Amy Schumer are some of the best segments on the show. Schumer has an uncanny ability to get people to open up in revealing, hilarious ways. More importantly, she always manages to make fun of her guests — just a little bit — while making sure that person is in on the joke. With Madonna, it would be legendary.

Madonna Could Try To Make Out With Schumer

She just has a history of going for it, you know?

Actually, Schumer Could Try To Make Out With Madonna

As Paul Giamatti can tell you, no celebrity is safe when Schumer wants to make out with them. If we're lucky, the first hour of Rebel Heart will just be Madonna and Amy Schumer making out while "Like A Virgin" plays on loop in the background.

Images: Giphy (2)