9 Of Christian Grey's Deepest Thoughts

So, Fifty Shades of Grey 's narrator Ana wasn't exactly known for her wide vocabulary — her exclamation "Holy crap!" was uttered 92 times in the original book. Many readers are wondering: does Christian have a catchphrase in the new Fifty Shades of Grey book? Well, not so much, and definitely nothing that was worth saying nearly 100 times. Christian's inner dialogue and his italicized asides pepper his narration, though, and if you were wondering what's on the mind of an emotionally scarred, dominating gazillionaire — well, this book will deliver all your wildest fantasies.

OK, actually, maybe not so much. It turns out the inner turmoil of a super-rich dom is surprisingly banal and normative — even when you're dealing with multimillion dollar mergers and acquisitions, trying to convince someone to be your new submissive, flying helicopters, and dealing with a suicidal ex who may or may not be in your home. One may even say that it was even vanilla.

Christian Grey's inner life is actually kind of normal, despite nothing else in his life even vaguely resembling average. Domineering rich men: they're just like us, I guess? Does this mean I can handle being a mogul CEO? I'm going to take that as a yes.

Here are 9 of Christian's "deepest" thoughts:

1. "Another date."

You're sort of in disbelief that you are actually meeting another person from OkCupid, while Christian is trying to figure out if he should get takeout or not.

2. "It's been hell waiting for the past couple of hours."

Christian's trying to find out if this girl he met one time and kind of stalked is into him. You just want your Seamless to actually arrive on time.

3. "Fuck. I'm On A Precipice."

Christian feels hemmed in by Ana's attempt at a traditional relationship while you are standing on a literal precipice and too scared to jump in case a fish brushes up against you.

4. "Now that's an interesting idea."

In this case, Christian's talking about tying up and gagging Ana and sending her to Georgia bound and gagged in a crate. You're just thinking of Pizza Hut's hot dog pizza.

5. "You can sit there and let your thoughts run wild while you imagine what I'm going to do to you."

Of course, Mr. Grey is talking about having Anastasia all tied up, but this is almost verbatim what I say to Chipoltle.

6. "That late?"

Is Christian talking about the Ana still being asleep at 8:30 am or someone inviting me out after 8 p.m.? Clearly, I live in a "bras off at 7" type of household.

7. "Today worked out after all."

In Fifty Shades, Christian is relieved that he was able to talk about his feelings and not, like, implode or anything. Because you know how men are about feelings, amirite? I'm just stoked when I make it through a day without something being mansplained to me, or when I get to the store and favorite brand of tampons is on sale.

8. "Some speech, Grey."

Christian Grey loves referring to himself in the third person and also congratulating himself. You're way more likely to use this while yelling at Shonda's latest tear-jerking monologue from Dr. Meredith on a Thursday night.

9. "Running shoes?"

This might be your reaction to hearing that New Balance sneakers are still the it shoe this season, while Christian was just turning over the phrase to try and understand one of Ana's jokes.

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