The 'Teletubbies' Reboot Needs These Upgrades

Everything is getting a reboot these days: from nostalgic projects like Ghostbusters, The X Files and Full House, to children's programming like The Powerpuff Girls and The Magic School Bus. The market for nostalgia, is BOOMING, you guys. Seriously, even a show called ReBoot is getting a reboot! Now, the latest kids' TV show to be brought back from the dead is none other than everyone's favorite British show featuring mythological alien creatures. That's right: The Teletubbies are getting a reboot.

Yep. Even though the baby who played the sun is now all grown up, BBC is rebooting the show, and, according to EW, Nickelodeon got the rights. Though the original show was a product of its time, hopefully with this new series comes an upgrade (maybe even a new title — like Teletubbies 2: 2 Tele 2 Tubby, perhaps?). Kids these days are so used to things like touch-screens and handheld entertainment devices, they likely won't be as enchanted by creatures with now-outdated TV screens on their tummies as the previous generation of viewers were.

In order to be relevant in the modern world — and to get the next generation excited about visiting Teletubbyland — they're going to need to shake things up. Here are ways Teletubbies should upgrade the lives of Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po for the modern era:

1. Give Them iPad Tummies

According to official Teletubbies lore, the creatures are named because of the television screens they have on their bellies, which they use to watch movies about real kids. To bring this show up to speed with modern technological advances, the Teletubbies' tele-tummies should be upgraded to include an iPad on which they can play games and up the resolution of their home movies.

2. Make Organic Tubby Custard And Gluten-Free Tubby Toast

The Teletubbies survived on a diet entirely of Tubby Custard, a pink liquid that comes straight from a machine, and Tubby Toast. Nothing made these creatures happier than mealtime (seeing as "Tubby Custard" was one of the only words they could actually say) — so, in the reboot, the Teletubbies' diet should be made more familiar to kids these days by including organic custard and gluten-free toast.

3. Upgrade Noo-Noo The Vacuum

In the original series, the gang has their own anthropomorphic vacuum cleaner who helps them with chores around the house. This thing is so clunky that kids these days probably wouldn't recognize it — or they'd assume it's just another alien creature. In the reboot, the Teletubbies' vacuum friend should be something more modern... like a Roomba. Nothing is more fun for kids than the Roomba. (Especially if it's DJ Roomba!)

4. Don't Give Them Genders

This one is the most important: The Teletubbies are a made-up species without genitalia, so they should not have a specified gender. Back in the day, the British program was criticized in America by conservatives like Reverend Jerry Falwell, who, according to The Telegraph, said that Tinky Winky's purple color and handbag "promoted homosexuality and/or unconventional gender roles." His words are gross, of course, for a lot of reasons. Gender norms are often too central to children's entertainment, and historically included boys being told they can be superheroes while girls are just told to play with unrealistically-proportioned Barbie dolls. We need an overhaul of sexism in children's entertainment, and it should start with the Teletubbies — who aren't even human to begin with, and should remain that way.

Images: BBC (5)