I have to be honest: Being engaged isn’t everything I thought it would be. Granted, I had no major desires to get married, but I honestly thought that being engaged would have some sort of luster to it, like everything would be all shimmery, and I’d find myself weeping tears of joy at a wedding dress shop surrounded by my nearest and dearest a la Say Yes to the Dress, but that never happened. It was, at least after the first 24 hours of being completely stoked that the man I loved actually wanted to be with me forever (I’m going to ignore the divorce rate for the moment), annoying. Yes, I think that’s the word for it: Totally and completely annoying.
While I’m sure there are many women who love being engaged, if you talk to them honestly, maybe even pull their teeth a bit, I know, for a fact, they’ll have to come clean and admit that it’s not all that. It’s a hassle for starters, and thrown in with the hassle are the never-ending questions about your upcoming nuptials. No, for the last time, I don’t know what color peony I want, dammit!
So while I do wish all of you a great engagement when it finally comes your way, you should at least know the 12 worst things about being engaged. It's always good to have a heads up about these things.
1. You’re Constantly Asked When The Wedding Is
Until I could give an exact date that was set in stone, this question was non-stop. The second people found out I was engaged, they wanted to know when “the big day” was and everyone had a comment on the length of our engagement. Some asked why it was “so long” and other’s asked why it was “so short.” There was no winning with anyone.
2. Random People Will Ask To Be Invited To Your Wedding
Although I’m the type of person who is delighted to not be invited to a wedding (super, antisocial loner over here), I was amazed by how many people wanted an invitation to my wedding. I had people whom I had NEVER met, but were just Internet “friends” with inquiring if they were invited. Luckily I had an intimate wedding in Paris with only 50 people, so I could kindly shoot people down. But had I gotten married in New York, I can’t imagine how big the guest list would have been sheerly out of feelings of obligation.
3. You Will Be Forced To Make A Shit Ton Of Decisions
First, you will need to decide on a dress, which, for many women is difficult. I knew exactly what I wanted, tried it on, and was done with it, but I know it’s not that easy for everyone. But dress aside there are also a thousand other decisions like the guest list, who will sit where, the color of the flowers, the bridesmaids, the songs, the wedding vows, the food, the wine, the centerpieces, the favors, the venue, the options for the vegetarians, the options for the vegans, the options for the sober guests, etc… it was a nightmare.
4. You Will Argue Over The Dumbest Things With Your Mom
Because my siser lives in Colorado, my mom didn’t get to be involved with her wedding as much as she would’ve liked, so she made up for that with me, tenfold. Although we didn’t argue as much as I thought we would, she did lock me into some decisions (with my sister’s help) that irritated me. For example, I didn’t want to get married in Paris – guess who thought that was a brilliant idea?
5. You Will Argue Over Even Dumber Things With Your Partner
I’m fortunate that my partner is laid back under stress, but when it came to planning the wedding he was too laid back. Because we were getting married in Paris and I was Stateside for a good chunk of the planning, he was in charge of the things that had to be done in France. I realize now that he is not very good for looking more than a day or two in advance, so blowouts ensued, along with threats to call off the whole thing, because of course.
6. People Who Are Already Married Will Gasp If Your Wedding Planning Is Not ‘On Schedule’
Apparently, there’s a schedule to keep, which was all news to me. Six months before your wedding you should have your dress chosen and the venue secured, then five months before it the photographer or something should be booked — honestly, I don’t really know, because based on feedback from my married friends I wasn’t sticking to my schedule and I’d be “sorry later.”
7. Somehow You’ll End Up On Every Wedding Site Email List Ever
Since I only purchased one wedding magazine and only visited the TheKnot maybe twice, I’m unsure how I got on every wedding email list that ever existed. I made it a point not to sign up for things, but my inbox was inundated. I also mysteriously got a subscription to Boston Brides and Martha Stewart Weddings, which was recycled every month. I’m assuming some “caring” friend signed me up for that.
8. You’ll Be Asked If You Have A Pinterest Page Incessantly
So to shut them all up, I made a Pinterest page specifically for my wedding to keep everyone in the loop… and haven’t looked at it since.
9. Everyone Will Offer Up Their Two Cents On Everything
As much as I was excited that people wanted to be involved, it got to a point where certain people were, perhaps, too involved and it became aggravating. I think the thing is, especially for women who already have their entire wedding planned out, that they get confused and think that you have the same taste as them, even though deep down they know otherwise. If only I got a dollar for every time someone mentioned how lovely white roses would be — I don’t even like roses.
10. You’ll Realize There Must Be A Better Way To Spend $30K
With the average cost of a wedding being $25,500 in the United States, there comes a point during your engagement where you wonder if it’s really worth all that money for ONE DAY. In my case, my wedding exceeded our budget because almost everything was in Euros and last year the difference between the Euro and the U.S. dollar made everything even more expensive than it should have been.
11. You’ll Be Asked, ‘Can I See The Ring?’ All The Time
I sort of went against the whole engagement ring by opting for a pearl instead of a diamond and choosing to get an antique ring from a vintage shop. While I love my ring and think it’s very unique, whenever I was asked by someone if they could see my ring, I was also asked why I didn’t get a diamond. In New York City, where the size of your diamond is somehow supposed to be an indication of the size of your partner’s bank account, er, I mean love, my pearl ring from the 1930s was perplexing for many. (There were also those who asked how much it was.)
12. You Will Actually Think To Yourself, ‘I Just Want To Get This Stupid Thing Over With’
It’s sad, but true. Instead of fully enjoying your engagement, you’ll want to get it over with, you’ll consider eloping, and yes, as I mentioned above, you’ll want to call it off. You’ll be angry, annoyed, and find yourself fighting with a florist over the shade of blue of the stupid hydrangea. But when the big day finally comes, you finally get to relax and when you see how happy everyone is to be celebrating your marriage, it will feel like you took about 20 Xanax. Basically, it will all have been worth it... or I just put a positive spin on that, because that's how pieces like this should end.
