11 Weird Things Everyone Who Works At Home Does

As people who work remotely know, working from home is awesome. Let me count the ways: You get to wear whatever you want. You’re not distracted by coworkers. You have no commute. “Going out to lunch” means “Walking to the refrigerator.” Your dog gets to hang out with you. You get to work in coffee shops. Or your bed. Or on your couch. The possibilities are endless!

But as great as working from home is, there’s a reason most people go out to work: Human beings are social creatures, and we require human companionship. Leave us alone for too long, and suddenly we’re pouring our hearts and souls out to volleyballs and screaming at the ocean. What I’m saying is, I love working from home, but it is almost an inevitability that once you start doing it, you are bound to get a little… strange. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, just the truth. My feeling is that you might as well embrace your seclusion-induced weirdness because did I mention that you have no commute? A little bit of insanity is a small price to pay for not having to spend and hour and a half everyday on an eight-lane highway.

I fully support making the switch to working from home, but here are a few oddities you might need to prepare for. If you’re someone who already works from home: Come on, you know you’ve done a few of these.

1. You change from PJs into “work clothes,” which are… also PJs!

In fact, you have a whole set of “work PJs” (aka, pajamas that don’t have any holes in them that are bigger than a quarter.) Because you are classy.

2. Your coworker is your dog

Instead of gathering around the ol’ water cooler to discuss last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, you take breaks by snuggling with your dog on the couch. She has some major issues with the way that women are portrayed on that show, and, to be honest, you agree.

3. Shower? What shower?! You know, a couple centuries ago, people were lucky to get one bath a week

Without the demand to be presentable at the office, sometimes your hygiene… slips a bit. I mean, you’re not disgusting – you brushed your teeth this morning. You just maybe can't remember when exactly you last washed your hair.

4. You have work related injuries due to the fact that you work on a sofa

No fancy ergonomic office chairs for you, no siree! You work on your couch, and you have the chronic neck pain to prove it!

5. You talk to yourself

I’m not referring to a bit of unintelligible mumbling. When you work at home alone, you start having straight-up conversations with yourself.

6. When your spouse/partner/roommate/repairman do show up, you spew craziness all over them

You are so starved for human contact by when an actual human person walks into your house, you can’t stanch the flow of your own inane chatter. Every thought you’ve had today – from important work stuff to the fact that cold pizza you ate for lunch was amazing – comes pouring out.

7. You realize that you have not left the house in five days

If you work from home and you have a solid store of food, you can end up not leaving your apartment for way too long. In the winter, especially, you practically hibernate. When you do see the sun again, you cringe instinctively because you are, after all, a pajama-clad, non-showering vampire now.

8. You get dressed up to go to the grocery store

Now that you work in what can, at best, be called "lounge wear" and have given up daily showering, you get pretty excited about leaving the house, even for simple errands. You find yourself doing the one thing you vowed never to do: You put on makeup to go to the grocery store. It’s silly, but you can’t help it. You need some kind of confirmation that you have not, after all, become feral.

9. You have dance parties (of one!) to pump up the energy

In any kind of work environment, you’re bound to feel an energy slump in the afternoons (and probably in the mornings and evenings, too). You know that the best way to get the energy flowing again is to have a dance party to your favorite guilty pleasure songs. What lives on your playlist is strictly between you and the dog, and you’re both taking it to the grave.

10. You spy on your neighbors

So what if you’re doing a little Rear Window-ing* while you work? It worked out well for Jimmy Stewart, right? (I mean, except for the part when he almost got murdered).

*I realized as I typed this that “Rear Window-ing” sounds like an obscene, Hitchcockian** sex act. I’m not sorry. I work alone at home; I need stupid humor to sustain me.

** OK, that sounds pervy, too. #sorrynotsorry

11. You start writing terrible Alfred Hitchcock-themed sex puns in your latest blog post

Because you have been working at home all day, and you are LOOPY.

Images: 20th Century Fox; Giphy (7)