Life
How Asking For What You Want In Bed Helps In Life
Being able to ask for what you want is the dream. Actually getting what you want is the ~dream~ but being able to state clearly what you want, and to ask for it, are important steps in making that happen. If you're a woman, chances are you've generally been discouraged from speaking your mind at some point, whether that's by overt comments from detractors or just a generally tacit acknowledgement from society that contradicting, demanding women are shrews, and that quiet, polite women are desirable. Meanwhile, we're reaching a point in our societal evolution that women are being encouraged to speak up, and ask for what they want. Obviously, this isn't just endemic to women, and some women are very good at asking for what they want and some men are very bad at it. So we can all benefit from being able to better communicate our needs and wants.
The bedroom might seem like a daunting place to start asking for what you want, but it's like Frank Sinatra said, if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere! (He was talking about sex, right?) Learning to communicate has a lot to do with saying the things out loud that might seem like the most awkward, difficult things in your head. And whether that's saying, "touch me here" to the person you're sleeping or "I'd like a raise" to your boss is semantics. Communicating your desires openly is often terrifying, even for the most confident amongst us. And being able to open up about your wants in the bedroom can help you be more assertive in your every day life.
1. Because you're not walking around with unfulfilled horniness
The bottom line is that sexual frustration never got anyone anywhere. Ask for what you want so that sex doesn't feel like you've just watched the first season of Game of Thrones only to be told you will never be able to watch any of the following seasons or hear what happens, only know that something is happening that you'll never be able to know. If you can ask for what you want in the bedroom, you'll feel fulfilled in that facet of your life, giving you more energy to focus on other kinds of fulfillment.
2. Because if you can be assertive while naked, you can be assertive while clothed
If you can do something scary while naked, imagine doing it while clothed. If you can ask for a sex thing in the bedroom, asking for a work thing in the office place should seem like a cakewalk by comparison. Just don't get naked at work because you've mastered the art of naked communicating. Because that's not going to work in your favor.
3. Because it teaches you to communicate awkward/uncomfortable/weird things
Talking about what you want is pretty awkward. Saying "This is what I need" and "Give me this please!" can be daunting or even embarrassing if you're not a rich kid on an episode of My Super Sweet 16. But there's actually nothing embarrassing about communicating honestly and openly about what you want. Because some of the most seemingly embarrassing things you desire are naked related (because how embarrassing is nudity, AM I RIGHT?), it's a good place to start when you're getting the awkward out of the way. And the reward ratio when you're asking for things in the bedroom is exponential, so it's great Pavlovian conditioning for getting weird with your requests.
4. Because it teaches you to ask and receive
Speaking of Pavlovian conditioning, the more you ask and receive, the more you'll learn to ask, knowing that it will most likely end in receiving. The biggest obstacle to asking for what we want is feeling like we wont get it, making the process of asking a vain and uncomfortable process. But that's not true! We suffer so much by NOT asking for what we want. The idiom "ask and you shall receive" exists for a reason. It's because generally, when you ask for something, you will either get it, or put yourself on a path that will eventually lead to getting it.
5. Because you should learn to value your own desires
Speaking your mind about what you want in the bedroom gives you a sense of worth. It's about being a participant, not just someone who is there to fulfill another person's fantasy. If you can let that attitude, that you're a valuable person with worthwhile needs, permeate your entire life (obviously without turning into an entitled asshole), you'll benefit from taking yourself that little bit more seriously.
6. Because you should always have the things you want
Look, life is pretty shit sometimes. There are a lot of "no"s and "you can't"s. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness, or that you haven't earned the right to have the things you want (within reason, obviously. I mean, don't expect to ask for a Learjet and get it, unless you're Blue Ivy Carter.) Unless you're some kind of murderer or kitten torturer or Hitler sympathizer or racist, everyone deserves to be happy. Learning how to be happy in your physicality can also lead you to tend to your emotional and every day needs in a more conscious way.
