What Your '90s Sitcom Crush Says About You

Very recently, I've been revisiting the series Full House — not out of nostalgia, however, but instead, out of academic intrigue — the show is receiving a reboot, after all, so it's worth studying up. However, though my intentions were purely academic, I couldn't help but notice during my rewatches: John Stamos looks damn fine, and he really was always the ultimate '90s sitcom crush — even with his sad Season 1 mullet.

Most of us had a sitcom boyfriend in the '90s, some of which plastered the cover of Tiger Beat, some who were old enough to be our fathers, and some who were, like, cartoons (maybe technically not SITCOM boyfriends... but the feelings were strong nonetheless). For the most part, your tween crush has probably melted into a strange reverence in your head, but consider this: their influence probably, in some ways, still dictates your current dating patterns. It's understandable, of course — often times, it's the people we have crushes on that shape our dating habits and preferences.

Of course I can't go over EVERY weird infatuation you may have had in your life (mostly because if you were a Bob Saget fan, I don't want to hear about it). But, generally, using one representative from a show, here's what I would say your adolescent infatuations would say about how to date now.

Zack Morris (Saved By The Bell)

You're into frat boys who aren't afraid to wear pink polo shirts and who really embraced the iPhone 6 Plus. You might have to go through a lot of less-than-charming significant others to find your ultimate OTP, but hey — dating is never easy, right?

Randy Taylor (Home Improvement)

Jonathan Taylor Thomas, son! You're probably with someone who's both adorable AND witty, and who's really been able to win both you and your parents hearts. The only problem is that their zest for adventure died somewhere around their teen years...so you spend a lot of time indoors watching Ally McBeal, or something. Ho, hum.

Cory Matthews (Boy Meets World)

You've been with your significant other since middle school, and you're probably the better half. You're also one of those people who decides to get married young — like, right after your finals at Michigan State.

Will Smith (The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air)

The FICTIONAL one, of course. Personality and humor are a big plus, and your significant other is probably the life of the party. They also probably dress in neon athletic wear in 2015 because irony, and they give out mixtapes of their new musical project at said party. It's a real downer, because you're like, "I don't know, we're 27, I think you should maybe get a real job and help pay the rent." They won't.

Jesse Katsopolis (Full House)

Have mercy! You tend to go for gorgeous musicians with questionable talent. So ditto on the "giving out mixtapes at parties" thing.

Harvey Kinkle (Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

Your significant other is just so damn pretty, you can never stay mad at them. Just look at that face!

Tommy Solomon (3rd Rock From The Sun)

The person you like is maaaaajorly talented — like, "brilliant and running their own successful start-up" talented. This is balanced out by the fact that they're kind of socially awkward... but it's adorable in a way?

Trent Lane (Daria)

AHEM. You're me. Apathy is apparently a turn-on.

Images: NBC (1); Giphy (8)