Old People Are Very Concerned About Slipknot

Let me tell you why I was excited to watch this video of elders reacting to Slipknot: The theatrical metal band and the idea of older people interacting with them has been a recurring thought of mine for over 15 years now. I'm not kidding. You know how there are some people in your life you look back on with much more frequency than the actual impact they made on you merits? For me, one of those people is a friend of my boyfriend from high school, and he was simply referred to as "Herb." Herb was a gangly teen with a defiant, but perpetually frightened look in his eye. The thing I remember most about him was his Slipknot tattoo, which he displayed proudly to me and my boyfriend from the drive-thru window of the Arby's where he worked. As he rolled up the sleeve of his too-big blue shirt to reveal the poorly done, illegally obtained ink, I remember thinking to myself, "It will not take you long to figure out you have made a huge mistake on basically every level."

So how did the Council of Elders react to hearing and seeing the band? First, you must meet our panel because they are goddamn national treasures, each one...

When Vera doesn't know what's going on, she smiles politely and nods her head... she smiles and nods through most of this video.

Liz seems like she'd still be down for smoking a joint with you, but she will put up with precisely none of your bullshit, which is exactly what she thinks Slipknot is.

Holgie is the kind of sweet, unflappably optimistic woman who would refer to her really moody, surly, teenage goth kid as "spirited" and "so artistic."

My KWEEEEEEEEEEEEN. To the untrained eye, Lois seems relatively unresponsive, but to those of us well-versed in passive aggressive judgment, her deep hatred of Slipknot is glorious.

Don is a ~concerned~ old man, but in a cute way. Like, when he goes back and tells his friends about Slipknot, I expect he'll start singing a variation of "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man.

I'm shipping Robert and Lois hard. Because like Lois, Robert is having absolutely none of this, and his silence screams at us.

I haven't had this confirmed, but I'm pretty confident Melvin is George R. R. Martin's sarcastic brother. He also looks like he should be named Melvin.

Rock is like your really nice science teacher who is just inexplicably fun to prank. So you do. A lot. And he gets as mad as he can muster about your shenanigans, which is not very, so you have no real motivation not to do it again tomorrow. He also doesn't get Slipknot.

Norman clearly regrets agreeing to do this... but "I like the clown."

Yehuda is The Cool Dad. He loves Slipknot. He knows the words to Slipknot. He watches Slipknot videos in delight. He has thoughts on their (non) evolution as artists. It's actually really cute because he credits his sons (the guys who made the video) with getting him into metal and opening up a new musical world to him. Who knew Slipknot was a catalyst for touching moments?

Now that you've met all the players, behold them reacting in all their splendor.

Images: Getty Images; YouTube (10)