Moving to a big city is great. Really. The culture, the endless supply of new restaurants, the people flashing you in the subway. It's impossible not to wear a Kimmy Schmidt-type smile while humming to yourself and wandering around with your eyes glued to the GPS on your iPhone. But despite all the ~wonders~ of getting into a new relationship with the city of your dreams, apartment hunting will always be a downside. You live in fear of getting stuck with awful roommates and end up sifting through thousands of scams—from this hilarious guy on Craigslist who hates his roommates, to legit terrifying ads that leave you wondering when death will come.
(That got dark fast, but like, so does apartment hunting.)
This one, lovely Prospect Heights resident is as sick of bad roommates as you are. And he made it known. Loud and clear. That is, before his posting was taken down. Long story short: He posted looking for a roommate and his demands are a little over the top. He just wants to make sure there aren't weed dealers moving their unicycle collection in to his place. Like, is that so much to ask, guys?
I'm all for humor in a Craigslist ad, especially if you're looking for compatible roommates, but I'd steer clear of anyone who mentions "pregnant snakes" in the same breath as "microwaved fish." Also, stop hating on leftovers, bro.
If you're looking for a room in Brooklyn and don't have a unicycle collection, check this guy out:
Seems normal, right?
But then he starts berating you about your potential flesh light in the dishwasher and it's all down hill from there.
It's a universal rule (for anyone who has ever watched Sex and the City) that you can't have it all when apartment hunting in a major city. You can pick only two out of these things: Good price, acceptable amount of space and safe location. You'll never get all three.
Living with this guy seems like too much compromise. But hey, it's got hardwood floors. So maybe it's worth it.
Images: Getty Images; Courtesy of Elite Daily
